advice needed

[Lou89]

Hi, im new to this forum and would love some advice on my current situation. about six weeks ago my boyfriend of nearly 2 and half years dumped me. he did not give any specific reasons, just said it wasnt working. im just so confused and dont really know what to do. we had a rather complicated relationship as he had mental health issues. i was there for him through a lot, held him when he was scared, spoke to him on the phone at all hours of the night to comfort him. Im just absolutely heartbroken that he is dumped me after all that we have been through together. he says he needs time to figure things out and decide whether we can be friends, we still talk quite a lot and sometimes he seems his old self but a lot of the time he wont really talk to me. i just dont really understand why the relationship ended or how to ensure we stay friends.

[smackie9]

Simple, mental illness or not he met someone else. He may not be in a relationship with this person yet, but by breaking up with you, he has made himself available to this person that interests him. This is the most common reason why people want to end a relationship all of a sudden, without warning. The excuse "Need space" or "Need time to figure things out" or "It's not working" is BS.

He is a coward and is avoiding telling you the truth. Don't stay friends. This will only torture you further.

[GuitarGirl1986]

[QUOTE=smackie9;45835] he met someone else. QUOTE]

this may very well be true.

or perhaps something just suddenly turned him off completely. i've had this happen to me before.

for example; i was dating this guy for a month or two, and it was going AMAZING but then all of a sudden one night he started telling me about all of these insane drugs that he had done while he was at music school in fl, and how i should try them with him sometime. i was stunned. i told him flat out that i never intended to do any such thing... and he was still really sweet and cool about it... not pressuring me or anything. however within the next couple days i realized that it wasn't going to work out simply because of the fact that he had been into/ was still into some pretty hardcore stuff. I broke things off because i honestly did not see him as the same guy anymore.

something like this could have happened. some little trigger that just changed the way he felt. maybe not something as drastic as i descibed above. i mean, broke up with a guy in high school because a while after we started dating he began to wear this cologne that honestly made him smell like my grandfather. it creeped me out and just ruined everything lol.

I would just step off a little bit and give it some time. if the boy has mental issues, you need to give him some space or he might just snap. aside from that, please don't let him use that as an excuse to string you along and treat you like crap. mental issues or not, he still has a heart. just explain to him that you want to be there for him as friends or whatever, but YOU need some time first to get over the initial blast of heartbreak. he should understand, and if he doesn't, sweetheart he is NOT worth your time.

[Lou89]

smackie9 thanks for your reply. yes there is someone else involved so ur quite accurate. he became close friends with another girl a few months before we split up and it has been an issue ever since as i felt that it was probably more than just friendship. he has always denied that it is more than just friendship but iv never felt able to fully trust that.

most people have said dont be friends with him etc but i really do want to be friends with him and i know he wants to be friends too. as mentioned before we have been through a lot together and dont think i could just end all contact both because thats not what i want and because i couldnt live with myself knowing that i taken away one of the few people he has felt able to talk to about his problems.

iv have been trying not to call him but its very difficult and im struggling to not call him, iv have called him virtually every night in the last couple of weeks, sometimes even persistently calling when he hasnt answered. i dunno, he was such a big part of my life, i cant just forget that. i dont have that many friends, never have, iv always found it very difficult to make friends and only ever had a few at a time. i was closer to him than i have ever been to anyone else, he knows me better than anyone else and i believe i know him better than most other people.

[smackie9]

That's the problem with staying friends. Your feelings will stay strong and won't give you a chance to move on and have other relationships.....

[Lou89]

Really confused at the moment. me n my ex have masterbated whilst on the phone to each other twice in the last couple of weeks. im finding it really confusing because it feels like we are not just friends but not going out. my ex says he sees it as a stepping stone between going out n being just friends. i dunno, its confusing and makes part of me think that there is a possibility of getting back together although in reality i dont think its likely at all. Its hard because i have no interest in finding someone else so in that sense its not a problem, i love him, so any intimacy with him is good. but at the same time we are not together, and whatever his feelings are he doesnt want to be with me.

[smackie9]

Just friends with benefits...when you are single who would be the most comfortable person to have with? your ex.