am new,,,need advice

[vicky1571]

hello every-one
need a bit of adive on my relationship,bin with my partner for 4yrs now and living together,with 3 kids on one of them is his and she is 20mths now,my other to are 7 and 5yrs.i think its been vert hard living with him,hes quiet good with my kids but theres no loving from him well if there is i dont see it,he just throws them about or a monkey scrub on their head,my kids dont call him dad,,and i,ve aked them what they think of him,they say he ok,but he shouts at them ie....take yr shoes off wash yr hand sit properly always making digs at them,,,my 5yr old boy is a hand full he has problems with eating my baby eats more than what he dose,,and hes bin on a food star chart,,which sometimes works,,,and my partner say am allways changing the rules,,,maybe i do but i have to work whats best for me,and the rest of the kids.Its like they wont sit next to him they wud rather sit with me on a chair,its silly things really i dont think they feel comfortable with him there dont seem any quality time with my kids and him,i know i carnt push him to give the kids cuddles but it wud be nice to see!!!and make me feel better to know that he loves them,As for me and him we used to have a real good life or going out,and now all we seem to do is at oneanother he tell me all the time he loves me hes very romantic ie...candles when i come in from work,baths run glass of wine waiting for me,and i do like him doing that,and he says when are u going to do something for me,,,O YEAH WITH 3 KIDS i wud if we had help with some one aving the kids for the nite""and now i just carnt be bothered to have or evan kiss or cuddle i feel like i,ve lock my self away,with all the arguing i feel lost and shut down.And when we try to talk we just fall out,when we fall out i go vey quiet and i dont talk and this can go on for a while then hes all snappy with me whitch i can understand:but thats me and i do hate myself for that :mad: if any has any adivce that wud be gr8
vicky

[eightball61]

,my kids dont call him dad,,and i,ve aked them what they think of him,they say he ok,but he shouts at them ie....

Maybe its time you listen to "your" children. They don't call him dad because he doesn't act like a dad. Your goal as a mother is to pick out a good man for you but also someone that will bond well with your children and who they can except as daddy.

Some kids won't except a new person that well but these kids are young enough where that wouldn't even matter. There's a situation where they don't see him as a father because of his actions. Your children comes first and if they are telling you this at thier age then I do see it as a problem.

I am not a parent so I will not tell you how to parent your children but I will suggest that maybe you should listen to them . There is a reason why they feel this way and they have told you that he shouts. If this man can't be father like to your children and have respect then maybe you let it go and find someone that you and they will enjoy growing up with.

[SALly]

You sound so stressed. It sounds like you are doing the best you can-- and you sound like you are doing a great job! Do you have anyone around that would watch the kids for you? What about checking at a church for a couple high school or college girls that would watch them for you. Then you and your man could get out and just relax and talk all by yourselves.
One question I think you need to figure out is--- Is having him around better than no man at all for the kids? Only you can answer that.