Boyish friend

[MissyMoon]

I have a friend, who I have known for over a year. Since we first met till now, he's always teasing me and trying to make me blush. I noticed that he gets a kick out of getting a response from me, making me feel uncomfortable infront of our friends and making me blush. He knows I secretly admire a friend of his for a year but it didn't come to anything. Recently he initiated on coming over to my house to help teach me about an accounting software for my business. He asked for dinner. He dropped by twice and was very gentlemanly, however when we're in the presence of other close friends, he acts obnoxious and kept teasing me. I have a feeling like he got a crush on me. I didn't think about anything all these times, so everytime he teased me, I would tease him back. But now I'm starting to notice something funny. I teased him about his big glasses in front of other friends at dinner one time (he wears sometimes when i saw him alone, mostly he wears contact lenses infront of others) and he went on to buy new better looking smaller glasses this week. I told all our friends at dinner one time that I like men with a little mustache and beard. Recently, he lets his mustache and beard grew and proclaimed that when he got a girlfriend he would shave it off. I was making a presentation acting out a scenario playing the dumb cute blond infront of our Toastmasters (public speaking club) this sunday and he whistled out loud in the club. This is getting weird, I'm feeling like I'm back in high school...and we're both 30 years old. A friend recently told me that he's very shy around women, that's why he joined Toastmasters, which is not what I thought of him at all, because he's very confidant in public speaking. I just couldn't help it noticing that he kept picking on me at regular weekly dinners we have with friends after the Toastmasters Club meeting. I gave a hug to another male friend who just came back from a 6 weeks vacation and he pouted jokingly: "I'm jealous." Then another time, I gave a hug to another much older male friend and he repeated the same: "I'm jealous." comment.

What the heck does this guy want? What should I do to find out? Could I be reading the signals wrong?

[Ricksta]

Unfortunately, we were never given the ability to read minds and unless you actually take the time to ask him exactly how he feels, the truth will never surface because he is obviously unwilling to make the first move, either from the result that he is afraid to lose you or from the result that he is afraid to take a risk in general.



Now it all comes down to you and how you feel. Are you interested in him enough to make the first move? If so, then I am sure you know what to do.



Forget about signals because they are nothing but confusing. It all is about your heart and how you feel.

[MissyMoon]

Ok, I think I made the first move today. We were at a party today, I asked him: "Why do you like to pick on me? You do that to all your other female friends." He smiled and said: "Yes..." He leaned over and tapped another female friend sitting next to us. "Do I pick on you?" She shrugged: "No."

I told him: "Do you know that when you do that, you might be sending the wrong message, things could get complicated....don't pick on me anymore."

He laughed and said: "Ok, I won't pick on you, but on one condition...hmm...if you let me come for dinner once every week."

I guess I got a clue of his response.

Do you think I got the response? Is this a positive response?

[Ricksta]

Yes. I think you did get the response, at least in his unique way and it is positive, considering that you are interested in him romantically no doubt. However, you must remember it is very important for you to be able to have a direct and honest communication with each other or else you are always going to be left clueless and that is unacceptable.

[MissyMoon]

Ok, I invited him over for dinner yesterday and to help me balance my accounting work for my business. He came over, brought a bottle of 4 years old Bordeux (I like red wine) and a delicacy from my country that Iike. He was quiet and very courteous. I made seafood and he loved the food. He helped wash the dishes after dinner and teach me more accounting. There wasn't much to teach, so we played games online for a while. I gave him a surprise hug from the back while he was sitting at the computer and said: "I'm giving you a hug now because you complained that I give everyone at our club hugs but not you. Now you can't complain anymore!" He smiled happily.

I touched his shoulders and found it to be very stiff from stress. I told him I know how to massage and do accupressure. If he would like some. He agreed. I was trying to look for the pressure points on his shoulders, but I couldn't find them, so I asked him to take off his shirt...he did (he was wearing a T-shirt underneath) I pressed some pressure points on his shoulders to release the tension and it did. He was impressed that I knew how to do it so well. At dinner, I joked saying that: "I'll cook dinner for you once every week, you promised if I do that you won't tease me anymore right?" He smiled.

I guess I got the response I needed. We were talking last night pretty maturely and honestly with each other. He was very courteous, relaxed, and quiet when we're alone. He was very different from his playful grandoise self around a crowd. I guess this is the private side he's hiding, and the side I didn't really know.

Should I invite him to come for dinner again? I ran out of excuses this time.
I'm so not used to making the first move and is extremely nervous about it. It seemed that we're getting along just fine....

[Ricksta]

Although I am happy to respond to your every question, I cannot tell you what you should do because in the end come the decision is going to be up to you and you have got to make that decision one way or another.

Just remember, you cannot let something like fear determine how you make choices in your life. It is important for you to follow both your heart and your mind here. Measure the costs in the choices you make and don't be afraid to take a risk. After all, life is about taking necessary risks or else nothing significant will ever be accomplished, you know?

[bv3qc]

I think as a 30 yo woman, you should know if you want to see him again or not... right ?

And obviously, you want to see him again... Well, what stops you to ask him ? you don't need to wait for him... if he doesn't like it he will let you know in a direct way... (It won't be subtile like some women do ;) ).

you don't need an excuse... if you want to take the "no-teasing for a dinner" excuse again take it... I am pretty sure he will accept to go eat at your place again because personnaly I would let a woman give me a massage if I was somewhere just to teach an accounting program... The lady would be on my mind in some ways...

And the fact he says that he was jealous... well in some ways he probably was... again guys don't go arround they are more direct and even if it is just for teasing, well it is a sign of interest of him....

Anyways, it is not easy to be on the chaser's side butm if he doesn't like it or wants to stop it, you'll know it... And I think you are on the right track. It is just a matter of knowing what you want out of this...

good luck
phil