alittle GF halp

[Stonesourmusic]

okies well me and my gal have been together for 2 years now. Ofcourse things are alittle rocky, it seems every relationship i around this point. Before i start with what the main problem is, its important to know that shes cheated on me once when we first started going out. But someting told me to stick it out, and it has paid off and im deeply in love. ::insert squishy feelings::.

OK I work at albertsons (grocery store) and i usally see my gf for my breaks. Well one day my cell died on me and i called her on her new cell phone, which at that time i wasnt 100% on her new number, but i checked it before i dialed. I dial and a guy answers...conversation is as follows...

Guy-hello?
me-umm hey is - there?
guy-yeah (i assumed he would give her the phone but he didnt)
me-well give her the phone then
guy hangs up

o...k.Well right after i hang up, the guy runnning the lobby tell me to switch to line 2, as soon as i do, she is on the phone. we carry out the convo as normal.

well the call put me on edge alittle bit and started picturing every bad thing that it could or has happen ( etc). I talk to a few people, they tell me its probly just a concidence and/or keep my eyes open for behavior changes. I talk to my gf about it and didnt get defensive just basically said with a small laugh "I dont even have the time to cheat on you". Ok fair enough.

So now everytime shes even in a slightly "I didnt get what i want and im alittle mad at you" kinda mood and ive been working all day and she hasnt, i get kinda nervous and bad thoughts start filling my already empty head. I just dont want to lose my baby, but cant stand the thought of sharing her with someone else (bf/ level)

So am i being paranoid, rightfully curious, or blind to the obvious truth?

[eightball61]

You are being this way because everything from the past is just running back up. When you phoned the new number then you could have made a simple mistake on dialing the number. Even though you looked to make sure you could have typed it in wrong ( i have done that many times before)

You stuck out a relationshp with her because you beleive it was a mistake. Even though she broke that trust you wanted to see what things would be like if you grew past that. You saw what came out of it and now you are happy. What you need to do is hold everything in like you did in the past and try to get over that this could have been a mistake.

If it makes you feel any better ask her is you can just ceck her phone once or her bill to view her numbers. If she allows you then that shows she has nothing to hide but then again some people and even partners may not be that open.

You need to trick your mind to go in the direction where it wants to go. If you want to continue on with things and monitor out the situation then you can do that but you have to remember that you will need to hold back the past and try to move foward. It is her fault for breaking that trust. You did her a favor to stick it out and it be very cruel if she was cheating again.

My thoughts are to stick it out if you can. If you mfind your mind is just putting to much kaos into the relationship then you need to let her go but first try giving it a chance and see what happens. ;) I wish you both the best...

[Stonesourmusic]

Ive been doing that, that phone call occured about a week ago. I just thought it was TOO MUCH of a concidence that there was crystal at the number i could have mis-typed. I have already talked to her about it and checked her phone, but i checked it too late because it saves only the 10 most recent calls. People have suggested just keep your eyes open and try not to become paranoid cause' i could make up things dont exist.

BUt all in all good advice...thanks alot

[Diablo]

If you don't want to lose her, do not start checking on her phone logs and such. That would royally piss her off. Your girlfriend does not live in a vacum when you're not there. The guy could be a friend of a friend, it could be a cousin, a friend of her family... If you want it to work out, give her the benefit of the doubt. If she is cheating, you'll find out soon enough, but have you put a ring on her finger? If you haven't put a ring on a woman's finger, she can do whatever the hell she wants.

[eightball61]

If you don't want to lose her, do not start checking on her phone logs and such. That would royally piss her off. .


True...and thats why I suggested that he only look once if she allowed him. Its all over now though and Diablo is right about you aking all the time. What you need to do is now try to drop it.

This happened about a week ago and you still feel like this because its all fresh to you. Eventually, you mind will work through the thoughts and let go. You just need to be strong and find a way to get through it. You were strong the when she cheated in you and you stuck things out. If you fel you can do the same then you need to find that power again.

Without any real hard evidence you can't prove anything to her. You need to trust that it was a mistake and she is not seeing anyone else. If you keep believing other things then all it will do is ruin the relationship. What you need to do is frind that strong side of you and then resume the relatonship from where it was before that all happened.

[Rich]

It's not a coincidence that she called you right when you called her and that guy answered. She's doing something with that guy.

When she called...did you ask her where she was? Who was the guy? Are they friends.

Remember this. There are NO coincidences in life. all things happen for a reason.

Rich

[SALly]

In any relationship you are in, if you are paranoid then there will always be things that make you worry. Always! Even if you arent' real paranoid, things happen sometimes that will make you wonder.... someone might look at you a little funny, someone answers the phone, a call comes in with a weird number, someone comes home a little later than usual...... Just make the best of it, you can't spend your time worrying about every little thing.

[eightball61]

It's not a coincidence that she called you right when you called her and that guy answered. She's doing something with that guy.





Rich, you have a very good point here and I guess I oversaw this part. Her calling right after does put a lot of questions in here because if he got the wrong number then how did she know it was his break or that he even tried to call. Most people wait till they recieve a call because most jobs don't like or allow personal calls to come in unless it was an emergancy.

This got me changing some thoughts because this is definitely a red flag....

If she just wanted to have play time then she ought to be fair to him and just let him go. He is catching on and she won't be able to have it both ways nor hide it. She should be fair instead of toying with his feelings and emotions. Her cheating in the beginning diesn't help this matter out. Sure this is a red flag but her being known to cheat raises the possibilities again.

[SALly]

But there is no ring on her finger. Can't she have more than one boyfriend if she wants???!!!

[eightball61]

But there is no ring on her finger. Can't she have more than one boyfriend if she wants???!!!


Sally, would you want your boyfriend/partner to have other partners while dating you because they don't have a ring?

To me its called cheating and I wouldn't want my partner sharing around because of the diseases out there. A relationship is meant to be one-on-one. This is just my opinion though.....

[inquisitive]

But there is no ring on her finger. Can't she have more than one boyfriend if she wants???!!!

That depends on everyone's own opinions. I do not "have a ring on my finger" but that doesn't mean I would cheat on my SO, and he won't cheat on me. We do not see marriage as a priority. We've lived together for almost 4 years now! If he, or I, ever cheated the relationship would be over.

[SALly]

True. I guess it would depend on their situation. You also need consider that fact that people can have "friends" that are the opposite .

[eightball61]

You also need consider that fact that people can have "friends" that are the opposite .

Friends are ok but if he was a friend then she would have came clean...but then again we really dont know besides from a phone call and one incident this time around. We need more to support the thoery that there could be someone else.

[SALly]

But sometimes bf (or gf) are so jealous that they don't even want their SO to have any friends. i guess we need to wait and hear more from the original poster.

[eightball61]

As we see it can go anyway because of the lack of information. The poster if even confused himself so he may not even know. What he may have to do is just try to trust and and look out for red flags like this one.

[SALly]

I don't mean seeing other people "ually". It was someone on the phone who answered when he thought it should be her. We don't know it was the right number even. Why didn't the guy just ask right at that moment when she called him and see what she said. (or did he, I don't remember).
And if she is seeing someone else then apparently he isn't satisfying her in some way (physical or emotional) and she felt the need to go elsewhere.

[eightball61]

As I pointed out in my earlier post that it could have been just a wrong number but as Rich pointed out it seems odd she calls the store right after this all happened....to many odd things here. I think he just needs to focus on what he has now and if anything else wierd pops up then its time to really question it.

[SALly]

Yeah I guess you are right. But apparently he doesn't trust her as he pointed out right off the bat that she had cheated previously. So he really never got over that. I just don't want him to overreact and assume she is cheating.
Oh well, I don't know...... I'm a cheater myself....

[eightball61]

Cheating is wrong but its good to have the mind of a cheater around because in situations like this it helps out so we can view all sides. Ofcourse though there is always more to any story and all we can do is work with what we have.

[SALly]

Great- so at least my cheating can be helpful, eh??!!!!
:cool:

[eightball61]

In some cases like to get in the mind of a cheater but really doesn't say a lot for you.

[SALly]

Hahahaha- I know. Everyone will judge me and hate me- it doesn't matter. I don't care.

[eightball61]

*Please don't take that as a slam but there are many people that have been cheated on or just against it in general. I am glad that you are open about what you do but just giving you full warning that you may here mixed results from others.

You have your opinion and many have thier own. I can respect that ;)

[SALly]

No offense taken. :p

[eightball61]

Your a good cheater....oopppps I meant to say your a good sport :p

Kidding ;)

[SALly]

Thanks.............. :confused: I think!!!!!

[eightball61]

Thanks.............. :confused: I think!!!!!


Nevermind, I am naturally an idiot.... :)

[SALly]

As I am a cheater!!!

[eightball61]

............:p

[SALly]

Why did you call yourself an idiot?

[eightball61]

I am naturally blond and it shows:)

[SALly]

Maybe your stupidity comes from too much rope jumping...... :D :D :D

[eightball61]

That means I am athletic and fit ....lol yuh I wish :(

[SALly]

Your little jump roping dude annoys me--- find a different one. :D :D :p Just teasin....

[eightball61]

as long as I know it annoys you then I won't change it :D

[Stonesourmusic]

ok as far as the ring thing go's. I bought her a 'promise ring' for xmas this past year. Ive more or less goteen over the past cheating, best you can get from being exposed to a emotion like that. It sucked. Sally, cheating is an evil thing, especially with love involved. I honestly trust my gal to be HUMAN enough to atleast spare me some emotion left if she is/was cheating on me.

Now for the phone call, what ive done to get over that is maybe timing and the type of guy who answered sounded like. He sounded like one of those thugy wigger guys, which to the best of knowledge about her, isnt her type. Id like to think that after 2 years id have a pretty damn good idea of her type of guy. But once agian,m this girl is what some of you would call my 'first love' so yes, in all fairness, i could be blind to the truth. But for some reason I really dont want to accept the truth, if theres one to be accepted that is.

Confusing this is, but confusion is a attribute of love. (woooo quote me if anyone likes that lol)

[SALly]

By what you say then, I would have to say probably nothing wrong happened. Good luck- trust her, unless she gives you a good reason not to. Take care.

[eightball61]

If you want to trust her and brush off the phone episode then you may do so with making up things to believe it was a mistake. Just try to move past that like you are planning but don't block out every red flag. You had a good reason to question the phone call and if you see any mre things come up then dont ignore them. bring it up like you have done here. Ignring something that is obvious will only create more hurt for you down the road if its true.

Right now all we can judge is from one phone call. Sure she cheated in the past but in present nothing has proven she has done anymore unless there are other signs. The only recent thing was this phone call and we can't hold her against what could have been a dialing mistake on you end. Sure we could classify other odds like her calling you right back at the store but we just don't know for sure with the lack of information. all you can do is continue where you both left off but also keep an eye out for odd things.

Goodluck and please keep us posted.

[Spartan803]

Confusing this is, but confusion is a attribute of love. (woooo quote me if anyone likes that lol)



Lol I'd quote that but I'd fix the grammar first :p

[Stonesourmusic]

i was going for a Yoda feel ;)

[Howard]

That means I am athletic and fit ....lol yuh I wish :(



Would that happen to be your fantasy to be athletic and fit? :D

[eightball61]

Would that happen to be your fantasy to be athletic and fit? :D



easy....I never had one.

[Howard]

easy....I never had one.


We all can dream to be athletic and fit.hoping that dream comes true for you 8Ball. :)