Don't know what to do?

[charmed]

Hi Everyone,
I need some serious help! Last Tuesday night my boyfriend of almost a year and a half told me he was going back to his ex to find out if they can fix their family!
I will try to make this as short and understandable as possible.
I am divorced with 4 kids, stayed single for 4 years and then decided to start dating. Met my boyfriend and slowly...and I mean slowly introduced him to my children. Things were absolutely wonderful! We never argued and had everything in common.
He was single and had been for 6 years. I was relationship #3 for him. He had and ex-wife who took his 2 kids and moved them overseas as she re-married someone from over there. My boyfriend was devestated to say the least! Then he met woman #2 they went through extremely rough times but ended up having a child. She tossed him to the curb....and then he met me 6 years later.
So, like I said, I was extremely carefull who I brought into mine and my children's lives.
The mother of his youngest child is a horrible unstable woman. It seems as if everytime she saw my boyfriend and I happy, she would create some sort of crisis involving his daughter, and then proceed to make him feel guilty for not being there for her. He sees his daughter every other week-end and throughout the week for activities she is enroled in. He is a wonderful dad and family is extremely important to him.
It's almost like she (the ex) is not happy with her own life so....if she is not happy he can't be either. I spoke to a friend of his last night and he said not to worry ... he would be back, because this has happened before between the two of them and she will kick him out again!
I am at wits end....I have lost 16lbs in a week, can't eat, can't sleep...I am just a mess!
Just want to get some other people's imput on the whole situation.
Please help!

[charmed]

Oh, and just to add....He is still calling me from work and tells me he loves me very much! He also said that personality is very hard to change, and he doubts his ex can change. He also told me again not to give up hope. There is nothing about me he would change. He just needs to put it out of his head and be able to say he "tried" for his daughter.

[smackie9]

Well you have two choices. You can sit tight and wait for him to return under the advit of his friend or you can make a strong decision to say no I'm not gonna put up with this BS.

I know you are in love, hurt, confused and emotionally tied to this man. What I'm about to say to you will not sit right, but I'm being very forthright with you.

What caught my attention is what his friend had said. "he would be back, because this has happened before between the two of them and she will kick him out again! " Sorry dear but this is a very very big red flag.

Next thing that caught my attention is that he's been tossed to the curb by a few exes.....kinda make me wonder what the true story is behind that. And finally what kind of guy would give up a stable relationship to go back with a crazy b i t c h from 6 years ago....that's 6YEARS AGO! She's not the devil that you have described, he is....a messed up in the head stupid ass.

You are mixed up and in shock right now, and not thinking clearly,but in my opinion it would be very wise for you not let this man have a second chance only for him to destroy you again. He is a repeat offender. This is not healthy for you or your kids. Even though you were cautious at the start, you need to be even more wary now to even think of having him back. He burned you. Just learn from this, try to give your self time to heal, and move on to a more stable secure man. I'm sure your heart is saying "OH NO I CAN'T, I CAN'T BE WITH OUT HIM!" I'll point out the obvious for ya. He picked up and left because he was not 100% committed to your relationship. It didn't have a lot to do with the ex....if it wasn't her, it would have even been someone else. Sorry but what you thought this relationship was, wasn't at all.

[smackie9]

Oh, and just to add....He is still calling me from work and tells me he loves me very much! He also said that personality is very hard to change, and he doubts his ex can change. He also told me again not to give up hope. There is nothing about me he would change. He just needs to put it out of his head and be able to say he "tried" for his daughter.

If he loves you the way he says he does he would be right by your side fighting for custody rights to his child. If he doubts she can't change why the hell is he even doing this? You are being second choice to him....that's not love honey. He calls you to keep you selfishly at arms length.....so how long are you going to wait? 6 months? a year? 2 years? you are being very naive. Oh well I don't know why you even ask for advice when you are going to hang on to this user anyways.