He has confused the crap out of me!

[luvlilj]

Hi everyone! I am new to this site and I truly need some help, please.

I have an ex of 6 years and he broke up with me over some "dishonesty" I had in the past.

When we broke up, he told me he didn't want to keep in contact with me because it would be too hard to hear about me moving on to someone else. Okay, I can understand that, as it would be hard for me. SO I respected his wishes and didn't contact him. He moves back to his home state for a job opportunity there.

Well 8 or 9 months later has passed and he has come back to my state to train for a job for 2 months and then head to Japan for over a year. Well I had been seeing someone else around this time but we broke up, plus I was out of town with them. He contacts me via text msg and tells me about his opportunity and basically he wanted to see me.

Well I come back, we spend time together and he tells me that he wants me to "wait for him" til he comes back. Well we keep in contact throughout the time he's in Japan as friends but we eventually get into a fallen out. We lose contact and then he later contacts me via email, wishing me a happy birthday about 5 months later.

Well a few months later after that, he tells me he'll be in town again, visiting friends and family and wanted to see me. Well we don't see each other at all.

Well fast forward to late 2007, he contacts me asking me a random question about a mutual aquaintence and wanting their number. I don't have it but then he tells me how he'll be in town again soon.

Then fast forwarding to 2008, I am a new mommy. He contacts me a few days after I have given birth to my son.....wanting to see me since he'll be in town and is back in the states. Well I couldn't since I just recently have given birth to my son. I tell him I am a new mommy he says "Congrats, who's the father?" <---didn't think it was his business so I tell him that he doesn't know him and then he replies back, and I don't respond back.

Well FAST FORWARD to 2009 in December....He sends me a friends request via facebook.... I foolishly accept and move on. Well the next day, he comments on my sons photo saying that he's a Cute lil dude. I later respond saying "thanks, he's truly a blessing. How are you?"

Well he sends me a message telling me how he is and that he will be graduating in may and (MBA) will be heading off to Brazil to do an exchange type of job there for the summer and will be coming back in the summer 2010. But he needed to ask me a question and wanted me to be completely honest with him.

Well evidently I didn't respond to him fast enough so he sends me an IM and we chat and then he asks me the question and here it is.......(friends name) told me that he saw you while I was in Japan. Did he flirt with you and if so, did you all mess around?" I was LIVID at the question but I answered him, told him no. He said that he was just trying to see if he was a true friend or not. SO then he drills me about who my sons father is and if we were getting married or if I'm already married. I tell him no. well then I changed the subject because I am not willing to feed someone info that is acting too "hungry" for information.

Anyways. he tells me he'll be in town for a basketball game before heading home for the holidays. He wanted to know if he could see me and my son while he was in town and if he couldn't, he'd understand. So I didn't think it was a bad idea, since I didn't know when I'd be able to see him since he was heading off to Brazil. Well we meet at a restaurant and he catches up with his plans, job wise and he's seeming unsure of what to do since he's changed his career goal. well we talk about his friend and how he has another son. Well he mentions that his friend is doing good but doesn't think he likes his "babysmamas" too well and I asked why, he didn't really give me an answer, just that he didn't think he could be in a situation like that because he'd be worried about what she would be doing. I didn't understand why he would but with him, I shouldn't be surprised considering he was somewhat controlling and possessive when we were to gether. But anyways, we parted ways and I decided to delete him off of my page because I just didn't think it would best for him to be on my pg, in fear of old feelings popping back up but I think I'm too late.

He told me that I was one of the few girls he's been with that he wanted to stay friends with ( he mentioned that in the IM chat we had) . Though I know how he feels about being with someone with a ready made family and that he wants to be my friends, the way he was acting while we were at the restaurant, I noticed that when he went to pay the bill, he was up against the wall, staring at me. Not sure if I"m reading so much in to his actions but .....

my question is ( after this long thread, LOL)....... what do you all feel is going through his mind and heart ( head)? I just wanna know what I should do? I am too afraid to come right on out and say anything because I would feel like a fool.

Please help me, I would really like to get some insight from people outside looking in.

Thank you!

[smackie9]

The guy is a psycho! And YOU! What the hell are you doing being in any contact with him? You have a new life and a baby with another man! Give your head a shake! Does your BF know what you are doing? does he know what's going on? How would you like it if you found out that your BF was in contact and meeting up with an old GF that he's not sure of her feelings or intentions? Yer whacked sister.......this guy is from your past 6 years ago....let it go!

[luvlilj]

Where on EARTH did my post indicate that I am with my sons FATHER??? What's "Whack" is that YOU took my whole entire post and made assumptions. What I'm gonna need for you to do, is shake your head as well.

I appreciate advice, which is why I came here but if you aren't going to accurately read my post or at LEAST ask me questions before jumping to conclusions, then you can save your "advice". I'ma need for you to reevaluate the way you give out advice sweetie.

Girl BYE!

NEXT!

[luvlilj]

And....
who said that "I" was in contact with HIM? LOL, girl please go back and reread my post before pressing "reply". I hope you don't do this with every post.

Thanks.

[marksinclair]

Smackie is right... why would you jeopordize things with your current bf? How do you really think about him?

[smackie9]

Where on EARTH did my post indicate that I am with my sons FATHER??? What's "Whack" is that YOU took my whole entire post and made assumptions. What I'm gonna need for you to do, is shake your head as well.

I appreciate advice, which is why I came here but if you aren't going to accurately read my post or at LEAST ask me questions before jumping to conclusions, then you can save your "advice". I'ma need for you to reevaluate the way you give out advice sweetie.

Girl BYE!

NEXT!

WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU INDICATE THAT YOU WERE NO LONGER WITH YOUR BABY'S FATHER?!! Sweetie you failed to even mention that you decided to raise this child on your own, which is a piece of crucial information. It's more common for a woman to still be involved with the baby's father than not. So don't get your back up over it. I did read through your post over and what I truly see is a woman who just can't set boundaries on her past. You have a baby and you are not the same person you were back then, you shouldn't even concern yourself about how he feels or what he wants....you even quoted he is controlling, that should speak volumes to you what he is trying to do.....leave him in the past where he belongs. Push him out of your life for good!

[smackie9]

Also I said why are you IN contact with him meaning YOU had talked to him...I didn't say in any way you initiated it. And the fact you met up with him......oh god why bother........if yer playing with the thought of starting something with him and you are looking for some inkling that we see him still digging ya, yer not going to find it here. Really are you asking for what we think or do you want us to tell you what you are hoping to hear? Ok so I jumped, but I still think you are crazy for even meeting up with him when you should just shut him out completely....it's a door that should have been closed 6 years ago.

[luvlilj]

Also I said why are you IN contact with him meaning YOU had talked to him...I didn't say in any way you initiated it. And the fact you met up with him......oh god why bother........if yer playing with the thought of starting something with him and you are looking for some inkling that we see him still digging ya, yer not going to find it here. Really are you asking for what we think or do you want us to tell you what you are hoping to hear? Ok so I jumped, but I still think you are crazy for even meeting up with him when you should just shut him out completely....it's a door that should have been closed 6 years ago.

You are right, you did jump on alot of things.
first and foremost, this thread is about my ex, not my sons father!

And I don't expect ANYONE to tell me what I want to "hear", just focus on the topic at hand.

Considering that I AM talking about an e and my feelings, it would imply that I am not with my sons father. And? If you wanted to know the current status of my relationship between my sons father and myself, you should have asked instead of jumping down my throat and telling me to what now? "shake my head". Before you went in on me, you could have simply ASKED me, "hey before I go on, are you still with your sons father or no?" and when was it uncommon for a person to not be in this world????

You are turning this into something that is completely irrelevant to the actual discussion at hand.

I only came here to get peoples opinions. I'm too old and far past this whole "tell me what I want to hear BS". If that's the case, then I'd just wouldn't have registered.

I am not in the least bit trying to be rude but when you put what you put and then make assumptions ( yes you did, just because it wasn't there does NOT me you couldn't have asked me before jumping down my throat on what my sons father would think, you could have asked like a human would have and I would have gladly answered), TRUST, I am gonna come back with the same type of treatment I got. TRUST. Don't expect ME to just nod my head and say "mmhmm you're right" just like I shouldn't expect you to "hold my hand and rub my back and tell me he wants me". I just wanted to know what you all feel is going on in his head, just an outside view of the situation at hand.

and trust, this aint my first rodeo on a forum hun. I don't need your lecture about all of that.

Yes, he's controlling and YES, this was 6 years ago, but you have to understand. Since I DID cut off tides with him, I guess I needed to know if that was the best decision I could have made.

And what in the HELL is wrong with meeting an ex of just 6 years? It's not like we met up, had and then he went on our merry way. we just had dinner and didn't talk about anything in the past. The luncheon, to me,
wasn't as bad as it could have been.

But when you asked why I am IN contact with him.... it's seeming as if I am trying to hard to keep the lines of communication open with him and it's not ME, it's him...see thats the reason, Itruly feel that you didn't even read my first post, accurately. You didnt' get where HE'S the one who keeps in contact.

HE sends me messages, HE ADDED ME on FB....HE asked me out to dinner. What are you not getting here?????????? Did I make that crystal clear yet?

[smackie9]

Well if you want to know why he's contacting you or why all of a sudden he seems to have an interest in you, just ask him instead of a bunch of strangers that don't know you or him from adam.....we don't have any crystal balls here just big balls...

If there is no relevance to your situation you having a kid and not being with the father, there should have been no mention of it. We look at the information given and add it to the equation by default.....more often than not, sadly children are involved and people have lost perspective on what is important. So I stand corrected, no need to get pissy over it.

Second I have had long term relationships too and I am speaking from experience. I have had the ex contact me years later as well but I have moved on and have closed the door that part of my life. What I see is him trying to push his way back into your life....so he still has his controlling ways. Truly there is no benefit to you having any contact with him. You should just be focusing on raising your child and be wary of those who you let into your life.

[luvlilj]

honestly, you're right about everything and I had to do ALOT of evaluating. I know what he wanted and that was in his own way, to reconnect. Just from reading back all of my replies and my own post, I had to realize, it's not good to bring him into my life or my sons life.

Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad person at all but I have to realize the long haul.

And in some ways, this thread was ABOUT me figuring out if someone from my past who actually meant a great deal to me, would be someone I should let BACK into my life, it's not worth it and though he may benefit my life in some aspects, he wouldn't benefit in all of them. So I stand corrected and though my attitude was a bit stank, I'm glad we had this conversation. I learned alot.

He's no longer in my life. I ended contact and everything this past week.

So I did what I had to do.

Not sure how he's taking it but it doesn't matter. I feel cleansed and though it hurts ME, it won't always hurt and it'll get better.

So thank you for putting up with me in this thread.

[smackie9]

I think you just needed closure. You still had a lot of emotions that you buried for all those years because it was just too painful to deal with. When he pushed to connect again , it brought it all back up to the surface....surely anyone in your shoes would have felt confused, and a little anxious. Maybe seeing him one more time, finally got you to finally work through those buried emotions, and finally close that door to that part of your life. Karma works in mysterious ways don't it :) Best of luck to you and your baby.