View Full Version : Lovers, Friends, Or parthners
nolove
04-12-2005, 06:33 PM
Okay we started off as boyfriend and girlfriend, and even then there was nothing special. He was my first boyfriend, and I was shy in fact while we were going out I only called him 2 times over the two month period that we did go with each other. I had a good excuse for that, because he would come over my house everyday and so I didn't feel the need or want for him to call me. And then we broke up, we broke up because I told him I couldn't trust him. He's a good looking guy that attracts a lot of girls and his soul is weak he wasn't ready for a relationship let alone he wasn't willing to fight to have my heart. So he let me go and I let him go, thats when we started having . And ever since then to even now we have been having with each other. He can't keep a girl, I don't seem to give any boy a chance with me because I don't want to be in a relationship. And even with all of this emotionally it doesn't hurt me, and i think that it is suppose to. And then last Sunday he came over my house and before he had with me he kissed me for a long time, then after he had with me he held me. Now my emotions are shot and confused. I do like him its just that he's a dog and everything that he tells me or expresses to me its hard for me to trust. Its Tuesday and I can't get him out of my head whats wrong with me. Should I leave him alone should I stop having with him? Could he ever love someone who he has already got the goods from?
Have , take precautions and enjoy it.
Yes, you can fall in love with someone even if you get the "goods" from them before you marry them.
and marriage is like buying a car. Don't you take a car for a test drive before you buy it? Why of course you do. So why wouldn't you have with someone before you marry them?
What if you're not compatible in bed? Would you still marry that person? You're wrong if you said yes to that because the marriage wouldn't last.
You're having fun because there are no ties. There's nothing wrong with that.
People do change. I was a dog when i was young but I'm now a great husband who would never cheat on my wife. I have no desire to because I made sure that we met all of each others desires before deciding to marry.
Your friend can change his ways. But if you don't want to, then don't. If you just like having with no commitments, then go for it. If he wants to get serious, then tell him your feelings about him being a dog as well as your desire to just around.
Just go with it. No worries. Small worries in the grand scheme of life.
Rich
Diablo
04-12-2005, 06:56 PM
Some guys can love a woman after getting "the goods" from her. That kiss sounded like something deeper than lust. You seem to be falling for him, so why not give it a try? It may not last, but if you're going to crash and burn anyway, why not enjoy yourself before you do? Even if he is a dog, dogs can fall in love too. However, how old are you two? Most people don't experience healthy love before they're 30. I say sit down with him and talk over getting back together. Y'all are already doing the horizontal sports, so you may as well. It may not last, but few relationships do, so don't worry about it, just enjoy it while it does.
seavidae
04-12-2005, 06:58 PM
Have , take precautions and enjoy it.
Yes, you can fall in love with someone even if you get the "goods" from them before you marry them.
and marriage is like buying a car. Don't you take a car for a test drive before you buy it? Why of course you do. So why wouldn't you have with someone before you marry them?
What if you're not compatible in bed? Would you still marry that person? You're wrong if you said yes to that because the marriage wouldn't last.
You're having fun because there are no ties. There's nothing wrong with that.
People do change. I was a dog when i was young but I'm now a great husband who would never cheat on my wife. I have no desire to because I made sure that we met all of each others desires before deciding to marry.
Your friend can change his ways. But if you don't want to, then don't. If you just like having with no commitments, then go for it. If he wants to get serious, then tell him your feelings about him being a dog as well as your desire to just around.
Just go with it. No worries. Small worries in the grand scheme of life.
Rich
:eek: I can't approve you again! :) Love is much more than !
Huh?
Do you mean that you disagree with my posting?
seavidae
04-12-2005, 07:03 PM
Huh?
Do you mean that you disagree with my posting?
Sure, why not? :)
OK.
Please feel free to share or offer an opinion on the topic.
eightball61
04-12-2005, 07:12 PM
You got started to have with him because it was fun and you weren't attached. Now, your feeings came back and you don't know what to do. The chances of him wanting a relationship may be slim because he now has what he wants. You can try discussing this with him but if he want no part to a relationship again then you need to do yourself a favor and stop the .
I have said many times that friends with benefits never last because one person always ends up falling for the other. This is what happened and the only way to get out of it before you get hurt anymore is if you stop giving it up to him. If you like the fun and thrill thn keep it up but it won't help sort your feelings out.
seavidae
04-12-2005, 07:16 PM
OK.
Please feel free to share or offer an opinion on the topic.
I think starting a relationship with the word "" in mind is completely wrong. This "" should happen only when there are true feelings and it should be named "Love". That's what I had to share.
Diablo
04-12-2005, 07:23 PM
For some people, that would probably be good. If I had insisted on only with women I love, I would be a 43 year old virgin.
Are those your true feelings on ...or what society, parents and religion have pushed upon you?
The biggest problem with relationships today is just what you described.......equating and love.
and love aren't the same thing and shouldn't be viewed as such. People have with someone and then they think that they're in love or that they're now tied to that other person for life. Which totally isn't so.
That view is so far off base and will cause many problems in any and all relationships that carry that thought process.
is just . It's an intimate act by two people that helps to draw them closer together, but it by all means does not mean love. Love is so much more.
IMO you're headed for a lot of relationship heartache with that view.
Rich
seavidae
04-12-2005, 08:59 PM
Are those your true feelings on ...or what society, parents and religion have pushed upon you?
The biggest problem with relationships today is just what you described.......equating and love.
and love aren't the same thing and shouldn't be viewed as such. People have with someone and then they think that they're in love or that they're now tied to that other person for life. Which totally isn't so.
That view is so far off base and will cause many problems in any and all relationships that carry that thought process.
is just . It's an intimate act by two people that helps to draw them closer together, but it by all means does not mean love. Love is so much more.
IMO you're headed for a lot of relationship heartache with that view.
Rich
Now you are right :)
icanhelp
04-12-2005, 10:25 PM
And ever since then to even now we have been having with each other.I do like himIts Tuesday and I can't get him out of my head whats wrong with me. I stop having with him?
sleeping with him was a mistake... friends with benifits are fun for a while but you get attached and then people get hurt. of course you like him ... would you be sleeping with him if you were? nuthing is rong with you its just this one thing...you love him
inquisitive
04-13-2005, 01:04 PM
Some guys can love a woman after getting "the goods" from her. That kiss sounded like something deeper than lust. You seem to be falling for him, so why not give it a try? It may not last, but if you're going to crash and burn anyway, why not enjoy yourself before you do? Even if he is a dog, dogs can fall in love too. However, how old are you two? Most people don't experience healthy love before they're 30. I say sit down with him and talk over getting back together. Y'all are already doing the horizontal sports, so you may as well. It may not last, but few relationships do, so don't worry about it, just enjoy it while it does.
Curious as to where you got that idea from?
Diablo
04-13-2005, 05:24 PM
From my observations of life, but I might have a scewed view of love because of seeing too much of the seamy side of life starting from too young an age. I still think that whilke you can have love at a young age, the odds against the relationship being healthy are a bit high.
eightball61
04-13-2005, 05:31 PM
Love can happen at any age but real love is defined by the two people it involves.
Two people can fall in love at any age. The truth of the matter though is that it takes much more than love to make a relationship work.
It's my view as well that young folks lack the maturity and experience to understand all that goes into making a relationship work and that most "young loves" don't work over the long haul.
Rich
nolove
04-14-2005, 08:06 PM
Thanks all of y'all for your replies. First off let me say that I'm 18 and he's 18 going on 19 in May. I'm not a compassionate person which is another reason why we broke up. I'm not good at relationships, I can't keep a man and this is due to the trust that i have for guys which comes from my father. He was a dog, and so I don't give my feeling or show a lot of emotions to people, even my ex now turned into parthner. I'm not sure if I have feelings for him, if you asked me now I would tell you that I don't. Because looking down into the future I can't see him as a husband, I can't even see him now as being anything else than an immature boy. And I can say a lot of mean things about him and tell you all his flaws, but when it comes down to helping him out he knows that I'm always there and just the same for me. But after the last time we did it, it just didn't feel the same as before. And I know that the marry people and the religious who read this don't approve of before marriage or that he will or won't stay with me. Yeah all the other times we put just a little bit of emotions into it because then would just be (forgive my french) ing, but this time I didn't expect him to kiss me I didn't expect to be held, and as a friend I feel as if it is in my position to just let it go...my body and mind just doesn't know how.
eightball61
04-14-2005, 09:00 PM
it is in my position to just let it go...my body and mind just doesn't know how.
Its best to let go and you now know that. Its going to be hard but once your mind thinks it through evrything will turn out fine but it just takes time.
cindyJ
04-22-2005, 03:58 PM
Take the good away from him for awhile, see if he is still interested. You may be surprised at the reaction.
Howard
04-22-2005, 07:54 PM
For some people, that would probably be good. If I had insisted on only with women I love, I would be a 43 year old virgin.
Diablo,I'm a 31 year old virgin.I've never had before except for a little foreplay years ago.
Are you joking with that statement?
A 31 year old virgin?????
Whoa.....what are your issues?
Rich
Diablo
04-25-2005, 08:23 PM
Well Howard, I would suggest a romantic night with Robin. Invite her over for a candlelight dinner. Here's some suggestions for what to fix.
Fricassie of Veal with Tarragon and a side dish of Tumeric rice.
Roast duck with orange sauce. Side dishes of wild rice with mushrooms and roasted new potatoes.
Orange roughy with Tarragon cream sauce. Sides of steamed broccoli and garlic mashed potatoes.
Wait a minute, you live with your parents. Hmmm, that could be a tough nut to crack then. But learn how to cook these things in case you get a chance to invite Robin over for a candlelight dinner. Your parents could always decide to go out for an evening and leave you at home. Just tell them you want a candlelight dinner with Robin and they might work with you on it. How reasonable are they with such things?
Howard
04-25-2005, 10:39 PM
Are you joking with that statement?
A 31 year old virgin?????
Whoa.....what are your issues?
Rich
nope Rich.I'm not joking at all.I don't know what's stopping me.It's gonna be a scary moment for the both of us since Robin and I are both virgins.She's had previous relationships herself but the guys were only into .I've had foreplay myself 6 years ago but wasn't really that great.
What issues are you referring to Rich? :confused:
Howard
04-25-2005, 10:45 PM
Well Howard, I would suggest a romantic night with Robin. Invite her over for a candlelight dinner. Here's some suggestions for what to fix.
Fricassie of Veal with Tarragon and a side dish of Tumeric rice.
Roast duck with orange sauce. Side dishes of wild rice with mushrooms and roasted new potatoes.
Orange roughy with Tarragon cream sauce. Sides of steamed broccoli and garlic mashed potatoes.
Wait a minute, you live with your parents. Hmmm, that could be a tough nut to crack then. But learn how to cook these things in case you get a chance to invite Robin over for a candlelight dinner. Your parents could always decide to go out for an evening and leave you at home. Just tell them you want a candlelight dinner with Robin and they might work with you on it. How reasonable are they with such things?
No.I'm sorry Diablo but I can't cook for the life of me.the only thing I cook are TV Dinners,Hot Pockets,soup,prepare salad,make sandwiches and easy food that needs the microwave most of the time. :D
My Parents are mostly home some of the time and Robin's as well so we have to find an easy solution here.to have a romantic moment,I need privacy and so does she. my parents :mad: I'm a 31 year old man and I could have women over the damn house as much as I please even though I've never snuck a girl in my house before when the parents were never home.
Diablo
04-26-2005, 12:23 AM
The point isn't sneaking her in; it's getting your parents to allow you and Robin some privacy. If your parents are halfway reasonable, they would agree to it. But if they aren't halfway reasonable, then you would have to sneak her in.
eightball61
04-26-2005, 10:53 AM
it's getting your parents to allow you and Robin some privacy.
You figure at the age of 31 he would get that privacy since he's old eough to be over the hill in 9 years but then again he still lives at home and has to follow his parents rules. That will make things very hard on him and a relationship. My suggestion is to sneak her off to a hotel for a few hours.
Howard-
Just reading some of your posts...it seems like you might have some deeper issues to deal with.
Have you ever gone for counseling or to talk with a psychologist?
You're not working, have no motivation to really do so, you're a 31 year old virgin and I'm sure there are some more personal issues that you probably have.
Do you have a fear of something? Are you always unmotivated?
You say she took you to see her parents and then you promised to recipricate. Is it always someone having to do something for you first before you do?
Just asking and not picking on you.
It just seems like maybe you have some deeper issues that are holding you back that maybe can be worked through with a professional.
You definately don't fit the norm, that's for sure.
Rich
SALly
04-26-2005, 03:34 PM
You figure at the age of 31 he would get that privacy since he's old eough to be over the hill in 9 years but then again he still lives at home and has to follow his parents rules. That will make things very hard on him and a relationship. My suggestion is to sneak her off to a hotel for a few hours.
No don't sneak her off to a hotel for a couple hours.... first of all that costs money...secondly if her parents find out it could ruin everything. I can tell by your posts Howard that you are as hell, but you just will have to wait for the right opportunity. Hence all the talk about MOTIVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
eightball61
04-26-2005, 03:38 PM
. Hence all the talk about MOTIVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MOTIVATION will land him a job and his girl in the sack :D
SALly
04-26-2005, 04:53 PM
BUT too bad he doesn't want to be pressured into being MOTIVATED!!!!
eightball61
04-26-2005, 05:00 PM
Then I am confused to what he really wants :confused:
Howard, do you know what you want??? :confused:
SALly
04-26-2005, 05:04 PM
Good question....Howard... help us out here??? :(
Howard
04-26-2005, 09:07 PM
You figure at the age of 31 he would get that privacy since he's old eough to be over the hill in 9 years but then again he still lives at home and has to follow his parents rules. That will make things very hard on him and a relationship. My suggestion is to sneak her off to a hotel for a few hours.
If I wanted to on a Saturday Night or when my parents go on vacation,I would call up Robin and ask if she'd like to come over my house.I just got to get out of this virgin lifestyle.It's in killing me that I've only had foreplay that wasn't good but never had at all.I can't afford a hotel.How much do they cost for a couple of hours,I'm just curious? :confused:
Howard
04-26-2005, 09:13 PM
Howard-
Just reading some of your posts...it seems like you might have some deeper issues to deal with.
Have you ever gone for counseling or to talk with a psychologist?
You're not working, have no motivation to really do so, you're a 31 year old virgin and I'm sure there are some more personal issues that you probably have.
Do you have a fear of something? Are you always unmotivated?
You say she took you to see her parents and then you promised to recipricate. Is it always someone having to do something for you first before you do?
Just asking and not picking on you.
It just seems like maybe you have some deeper issues that are holding you back that maybe can be worked through with a professional.
You definately don't fit the norm, that's for sure.
Rich
Rich,I'm hard to figure out.Maybe I do have some personal issues.
:(
I have a psychologist in my group therapy every Tuesday at 11am.
I'm motivated sometimes but not all the time.
I figured Rich that if she invited me over to her house many times I say to reciprocate and invite her over to meet my Mother And Father for lunch or Dinner or just spend time at the house.
Howard
04-26-2005, 09:15 PM
MOTIVATION will land him a job and his girl in the sack :D
Yeah.she's blackmailing me saying you can lust and love over my body when you get a full time job or something like that.You believe that shit? :eek: :mad:
It's my way of pleasing her.
Howard
04-26-2005, 09:17 PM
Then I am confused to what he really wants :confused:
Howard, do you know what you want??? :confused:
You know what I want?
I have no idea what I want anymore. :(
eightball61
04-26-2005, 09:25 PM
Yeah.she's blackmailing me saying you can lust and love over my body when you get a full time job or something like that.
Its time to get that damn job before its too late.... ;)
eightball61
04-26-2005, 09:27 PM
I have no idea what I want anymore. :(
Thats why you are not getting anywhere....You need off with a goal.
Howard
04-26-2005, 09:29 PM
Its time to get that damn job before its too late.... ;)
Hey,I'm not superman and never claimed to be.You can't get anything with a snap of a finger.She'll get what she wants from me.She has to be patient with me.
Howard
04-26-2005, 09:30 PM
Thats why you are not getting anywhere....You need off with a goal.
In my IPRT,I'm working on my work and social goal.
eightball61
04-26-2005, 09:32 PM
In my IPRT,I'm working on my work and social goal.
Then you do know.....
Howard
04-26-2005, 09:35 PM
Then you do know.....
My work goal is to get into Supportive Employment
My social goal is to keep my relationship with my girlfriend,and to go out with friends from my program.
eightball61
04-26-2005, 09:45 PM
Thats your goal then so stick to it.
Howard
04-26-2005, 10:30 PM
Thats your goal then so stick to it.
Thank You 8Ball.
vBulletin® v3.8.2, Copyright ©2000-2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.