How can I proceed?

[greenbaytk]

I've been dating a girl for a over two years. I loved her very much and she loved me back. We were as happy as could be. We had little problems during the two years just as any couple does but we wanted nothing more than to be together. So much so that we would talk all the time about how wonderful things would be when we're married (we're in college currently).

People would tell us all the time what a perfect couple we were and how we already acted like we were married. We really are perfect for each other.

Anyways, we both worked at the same store, in fact that’s where we met. I worked there on weekdays and weekends during school as I still live at home. She only works there in the summer as she lives on campus (we go to the same school though).

I once took something from the store out of bizarre impulse. I told her that I took something (as we tell each other EVERYTHING). I promised her I wouldn’t do it again, I was scared of getting caught so I didn’t want to take anything again either.

Well, after time passed I developed a problem where I felt like I had to take things from the store. I was scared and afraid to tell her because I thought she would freak out and I didn’t want that. As time went on I was ok and I continued to take things until one day I got caught.

(Please keep in mind that I've never done something wrong like this in my life before, people love me for my character and consider me to be a very good person.) When I got caught I had taken a total of around $1,900 in merchandise over a two month span. I told her from the police station I was in trouble for taking things and I told her everything.

Like I said this is not only the worst thing I've ever done but its also the only bad thing I've ever done... I know how wrong I was, I felt like I was under a spell that was lifted when I got caught (not that it excuse my actions).

She told her parents and dumped me a day later. She wanted to remain good friends in the short term with a chance for being together again in the long term. I didn’t like it but if it gave me another chance with her I'd do anything. I still love her very much and she admits to loving me, although she feels like she can’t trust me now.

I know that if I was given another chance she would trust me again as I am NEVER going to do anything like stealing EVER again. It was a horrible one time mistake.

Well the thing is that her parents now won’t let her talk to me through texting or calling. They also prohibit us from seeing each other anymore even on a friend basis. To put time in perspective I got caught taking things 1/21/10 so this is all very new.

We do text each other goodnight still but its the only communication we have now. (we could do email or something but she REALLY doesn’t want her parents to find out as they threatened her with not paying for college).

I'm lost right now. In terms of charges against for taking things I have a misdemeanor and a $1,100 fine. I got off easy because I fully complied and the officer testified saying I was the "nicest person" he's ever arrested.

I still love her very much and want nothing more than to have kids and marry her. I know I messed up big time, it was very selfish of me but it was a one time only awaking experience. Like I said she still loves me too but is now unsure if I'm really the right "one" for her after my actions.

I plan on sending her mom an apology email in about three weeks so things can die down first. I've never been so worried in my life because I KNOW she is the one girl that completes me. I messed up and was selfish. I shouldn’t have needed something to show me exactly how special she was to me but I did. I don’t want her to make the same mistake I did and regret it later. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life as I am that we belong together.

What should I do??

[eightball61]

we all learn from our own actions so let this be a lessoned learned.

[janjan]

You keep saying the stealing was a "one time thing." If that were true, you would have stopped after one time. You didn't, so stop saying it was a "one time thing."

Your GF was right to break up with you, and her parents are right to keep you from her. Try to look at things from their perspective. Their daughter's boyfriend, who everyone thought was a great guy with great character, turns out to be a thief. What would you do in their situation? Would you believe the guy when he claimed it was a "one time thing?" Or would you be more interested in protecting your daughter from a criminal?

What about your GF's perspective? Her BF, the love of her life, who she trusted completely, turned out to be a thief. This is AFTER you promised her that it was a "one-time thing" and that you would never do it again. Now she knows that may never again be able to trust you 100%. Trust in a relationship is paramount. If she can't trust you, she certainly can't marry you and have your children.

In spite of all your statements about how you know you messed up and how you experienced an "awakening," the fact that you keep referring to your stealing as a "bizarre impulse" and a "problem" indicates that you aren't really taking responsibility for stealing; instead it seems like you believe the stealing was out of your control somehow. And then there's the insistence on calling it a "one time only" thing.

You may "know" that this girl is the "one" who completes, you, but obviously she doesn't anymore. You may just have to face the fact that you blew this one, and that there's no future for you with her. If she has any brains at all, she'll keep you in the friend zone for at least 3 years, until you can prove to her that you really have "awakened." And the way you prove that is not by saying your sorry, falsely claiming it was a "one-time thing," and making more promises that she can't be sure you'll keep. You prove it to her by actually living the straight-and-narrow, and accepting the fact that you have earned her distrust and the distrust of everyone else who thought you were a great guy.

You also need to prepare yourself for the real possibility she may just decide it's not worth it to wait for you. She's young and has lots of potential, and she may not be willing to gamble her future on someone she can no longer trust.

Sorry dude, but the real lesson here is that you have just screwed up your life, and that has consequences way beyond having to shell out cash and say your sorry 100 times. It doesn't matter that you hadn't done anything bad before then, and it doesn't matter how nice you were to the cops. This will follow you around forever. Every time you apply for a job, every time you meet a girl's parents, every time a friend has something go missing, this incident will rear its ugly head. You have lost not just your GF, but the trust & respect of everyone who knew you. There are very few people who are regarded as lowly as is a thief.

The only way to overcome this is to man up and truly take responsibility. Face the fact that you are in this situation not because you followed a "bizarre impulse," but because you CHOSE to put yourself there. Stop saying it was a "one-time thing" when it wasn't. Realize that you will have to behave yourself 100%, no screwing up, no lying, no stealing, no cheating, from now on in order to earn back trust. I hope you really can learn from this and turn your life back around.