My relationship sems to be failing, help!!!

[danpanda]

Me and my boyfriend are deeply in love, when things are going good, they are great, but when things are going wrong they are awful. My boyfriend has a few hang-ups which he lets get to him sometimes, but I am beyond knowing where I am with him. He is leaving the army in a few months and hoping to be a paramedic, he has been in the comfort of the army for 22 years. He is quite a bit older than me, which is sometimes an issue and has an ex-wife and 2 kids, none of which is idal, but we fell in love and you can't help who you fall in love with. However, we have a few issues, he panics sometims and says he never wants to get married or have children and I have told him from the start thats what I want and we were planning that together for a while. He worries he won't be able to provide for me and any other children. I'm wondering if he feels like a bad dad because of his other children?? Also, if I say anything about his children, unless it is sugary sweet with masses of love he gets offended. Am I supposed to love them like my own?? I get on with them really well most of the time. When we have arguments, for the past couple of months he has cracke dopn a beer. This aftrnoon we had an argument before I went back to work at 3, he has been in the pub ever since by himself??? Is that a sign of alcoholism?? I really don't know what to do, I have spent so many hours crying over him, feeling so hurt. I have often thought it would be easier to finish with him, to leave, but then I feel such pain at the tought of not having the good times. Please help, sorry it's such a long, drawn out post!!!

[smackie9]

These are the common issues when dating a man that has children, and guess what, he is right. He needs to be with someone who will treat his kids as his own and yes I agree with him that his financial priority is for the kids he already has. Since he is doing a major career change at this time, I suggest you back off and put your plans on hold. Give him his space. Once he has settled into his new job, assess the relationship of where things stand and go from there.

[eightball61]

I agree...when you accepted this relationship then you accepted the luggage too.

[Rich]

A lot of career military personnel take to drinking as an escape. There's a lot of bagage with him and he's at the time in his life (I'm guessing that he's in his 40's-low 50's) that he's past the children stage.

For someone who never had kids it's hard to explain and understand, but after you have kids and you work through all the early and demanding years and the kids are more self sufficient, then you kinda don't want to have to go through it again (mid-night feedings, teething, the crying, diaper changes, dragging tons of stuff every where, not being able to go out when you want, etc).

For someone (you) who has never gone through all of that, then you jsut don't know.

You guys are at different points in your lives. You want to live through what he has already lived through.

My advice is to go find a guy around your own age and at the same stage in life as you.

Life isn't a fairy tale and love doesn't conquer all. Reality is reality.