Centaur
02-11-2010, 08:47 PM
Try to make it as short as possible.
When my husband and I had been married a few years (1987) (we had a 1 yr old and a 5 yr old); a woman that he had went with off and on was waiting for him in the parking lot of a bowling alley one night. She had her twin girls, 6 yr olds, in the car with her. Told him, X (man she had been living with for years) was just proven not to be their father in court, so you are.
We made 3 appointments for blood tests to be done. She never showed up at any of them, he finally got very mad and started screaming at her on the phone that this needed to be done. She told him she had hooked up with someone else and he was pressuring her NOT to have the test done, he wanted to raise them. Husband got mad and hung up on her. She did periodically send pictures through mutual acquaintances, and when it first happened gave us a copy of the court ordered blood test with X. We had just found out our son was very ill and it all got put on the back burner. We talked about them periodically, whether we should approach her about another test, just never did it. My husband is the kind of person who does not like to "rock the boat" so to speak.
Fast forward to 2009. Someone from the womans family is "friending" me on a social network. I looked at pictures on their site. Her daughters look like my children!
I went in the lockbox where we have kept the papers and their pictures all these years and found a lab to do a test against the DNA results with X. I took my husbands toothbrush and sent it with the papers to the lab. They ARE his.
He called the mother the night I told him what I did and the results of the test (the mother and girls do not know about the test). She said they are fine, come on and meet them (Obviously they do not know everything that went on. I am sure they think he didn't want anything to do with them). One seemed ok, the other was like, why after all these years. He got their phone numbers because he really would like to have some kind of relationship with them, and our kids want to meet them also.
He has called both and left messages. They have never called him back.
Should he try again? Wait for them to contact him? Just let it go?
Tell them the whole story? From what I can gather the mother has not told them that there were three appointments for DNA testing and she didn't show at any of them, nor that she asked him to step aside (the other man was wealthy, and I just figured out that the son she has with him would have been conceived in the midst of all this). Our problem with this is she (the mother probably DID do what she thought was right at the time), she alluded to that fact when we went to see them (out of their hearing, of course), "I did what I thought was best at the time, I guess the girls' have suffered for it in the long run."
ANY thoughts are appreciated, my husband is very upset about all of this, even though he tries not to show it, and a little mad at me for going behind his back and having the test done. Now I wonder if I should have.
When my husband and I had been married a few years (1987) (we had a 1 yr old and a 5 yr old); a woman that he had went with off and on was waiting for him in the parking lot of a bowling alley one night. She had her twin girls, 6 yr olds, in the car with her. Told him, X (man she had been living with for years) was just proven not to be their father in court, so you are.
We made 3 appointments for blood tests to be done. She never showed up at any of them, he finally got very mad and started screaming at her on the phone that this needed to be done. She told him she had hooked up with someone else and he was pressuring her NOT to have the test done, he wanted to raise them. Husband got mad and hung up on her. She did periodically send pictures through mutual acquaintances, and when it first happened gave us a copy of the court ordered blood test with X. We had just found out our son was very ill and it all got put on the back burner. We talked about them periodically, whether we should approach her about another test, just never did it. My husband is the kind of person who does not like to "rock the boat" so to speak.
Fast forward to 2009. Someone from the womans family is "friending" me on a social network. I looked at pictures on their site. Her daughters look like my children!
I went in the lockbox where we have kept the papers and their pictures all these years and found a lab to do a test against the DNA results with X. I took my husbands toothbrush and sent it with the papers to the lab. They ARE his.
He called the mother the night I told him what I did and the results of the test (the mother and girls do not know about the test). She said they are fine, come on and meet them (Obviously they do not know everything that went on. I am sure they think he didn't want anything to do with them). One seemed ok, the other was like, why after all these years. He got their phone numbers because he really would like to have some kind of relationship with them, and our kids want to meet them also.
He has called both and left messages. They have never called him back.
Should he try again? Wait for them to contact him? Just let it go?
Tell them the whole story? From what I can gather the mother has not told them that there were three appointments for DNA testing and she didn't show at any of them, nor that she asked him to step aside (the other man was wealthy, and I just figured out that the son she has with him would have been conceived in the midst of all this). Our problem with this is she (the mother probably DID do what she thought was right at the time), she alluded to that fact when we went to see them (out of their hearing, of course), "I did what I thought was best at the time, I guess the girls' have suffered for it in the long run."
ANY thoughts are appreciated, my husband is very upset about all of this, even though he tries not to show it, and a little mad at me for going behind his back and having the test done. Now I wonder if I should have.