i dont know how to deal with this messed up sitation

[BigGurlBigWorld]

hey this is my first post so hope its understandable..

well its been very hard for me lately. I must say yesterday was the worst day, and its bringing me down badly. Its so bad i cant even eat, although im hungry. The point is for the past couple of days two of my greatest friends told me that they had feelings for me. And ever since my boyfriend moved far away and we kind of just sliped away from each other its been so hard not having him around and i feel so lost with my feelings. Anyways my guy friends are very sad and upset right now, and i feel horrible, its so complicated to watch them go through something like that because i know how much i was hurt when my boyfriend left.

ok and here's another problem...one of my other guy friend also finally told me how he felt too..ahhhhhhhh so messed up....and just when i thought everything was bad.. my boyfriend returns. And i starting having these huge feelings for him again. Right now all my guy friends are very sad and i dont know what to do. I love my boyfriend-although things arent the same anymore, we're not really bf or gf..its weird) but still i have very strong true feelings towards him...

what should i do, i feel so dead...
my guy friends are sad/upset, they wont talk to me now,it makes me feel horrible, i just cry and cry, my bf isnt really my bf, though we never really had a closure or anything, and makes everything more complicated..

everything is happening so fast, emotions are flying high and i have no idea where mine are, im so lost and confuse. whats should i do? whats wrong with me? i make everyone sad and im starting to feel an extreme pressure and sadness.

[eightball61]

Why is it that your guy friends are upset and hurt? Is it because they expressed they had feelings for you?

If that is so then you can't control that. If they are good friends then they knew that you had a boyfriend. LDR are very hard and you and your boyfriend lost that spark. You love him and giving up a first love is hard to do...

How far does he live? Do you have a car or he? how often do you see him or at least talk to him?

You mind is very confused right now and that because you have feelings for a friend, your friends are upset for a reason and effects you as a friend, and you have a boyfriend you love very much but see no future(with how things are going). Life is very challenging but we have to learn to take things slowly and try to work through it. Friends are important but your issues come first. You need to focus yourself and see what you really want. The decision comes as do you want to carry out the relationship or not with you current boyfriend... You love him but don't stay with him just for that only reason. You say you both have lost a lot of other things. You both can try to recover what was lost but it may be hard with him so far away.

You will be 18 though and depending on your plans you could stick thing out. If you plan plan to go to college then I recommend you keep to your goal because you need to stick to your career path while you are young.

Your decision is based on whether or not you want to continue your relationship. Then if you decide not to stick it out take some time off dating for a bit and just work up something with the other guy you like. Oce you have all that settle work on whats important to you. You are at the age of 17 and its time to decide which direction you want life to bring you.

If your friends are cluttering you mind to much then dont be afraid to tell them to back off. They need to respect your space. They will be there if you need to talk but you need some time and space to figure things out. Everything has just came onto you at one shot and you are overwhelmed....so take a breather and let your mind work it out. We are here for you anytime so please keep us posted with thoughts or any questions you may have.

Hope this helps some ;)

[Rich]

Hey....your friends took a chance by telling you their true feelings for you and they're disappointed by your negative response or lack of one. NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!

I'm betting that you gave no indications to any of them that you wanted more than the friendship that you currently had. Is that true? Or did you put out mixed signals. Think about that and act accordingly. Maybe apologize if you gave out the wrong signals.

Your ex-friends now being upset with you is immaturity on their part. They just can't accept rejection. Oh well, that's life. Their issue, not yours.

What you need to do is to sit and ponder on what you want. How old are you? Are you just looking for a BF or are you in your later 20's and you're looking for a possible husband?

If you're just looking for a BF and you don't have "those" special feelings for the old BF that went away and came back, then you need to break it off with him.for him anymore and that you want to end it. It's hard to do but you need to do it. That will get rid of one issue.

You need to tackle issues on at a time and don't view them as a group problem.

If you want to stay friends with those guys and nothing more, then you're going to have to be honest and tell them what is going on. Tell them that each of them approached you wanting to be your BF, but that you like them each the same and will not pick one over the other. That you just want to remain friends with all of them.

See who accepts that or backs out.

If you're looking for a possible husband, then you need to really look at all three of the "friends" that approached you and see which one that you could possibly have the best future with and who you feel the most attracted too. Then go out with that one guy. The others will probably ignore you from that point on, but that's the reaction that you're going to have to accept and realize. Oh well, life goes on.

If you can't see any of them as your future husband, then tell each of them that you appreciate their feelings towards you, but that you don't feel "that" way towards them. That you would still like to be friends but you'll understand if they can't or don't want to be. Afterall, it will be hard on them if they love you that way and they see you all lovey with another guy. I wouldn't want to subject my heart to that and I'm sure that they won't either.

You just need to realize that you're at a turning point in your relationship lives right now and that changes are going to take place. Just know that all things happen for a reason and that when one door closes, that another opens. It's not the end of the world.

You're not a transplant surgeon deciding on who lives and who dies. There's no reason to loose sleep, not eat and get depressed. In the grand scheme of life with all the killing and dying going on in the world, this is really a small issue. Don't blow it out of proportion, no one is dying.

Good luck,

Rich

[BigGurlBigWorld]

Hey guys thank you so much for replying i really appreciate it so thanks again.......

well he lives bout 8 hours away and sad part is neither of us has a car too so we barely see each other. Three times a year top. But we've been keeping in touch online....yea and im 17..im not looking for a husband NO..im too young i believe. But with this kind of situation and with these many guys it does seem like im trying to pick a husband. But no the case is that i hate losing my friends and i've gotten really close with each and every individual of them in different ways. Yet it all adds up to friendship (for me that is). They've always been there for me and it would be hard to let them go because they've all gotten so close to me. And also since my bf left there was no one around but my friends. They were there to comfort me when he was gone and i've been through alot since he left but now that he's back my guy friends are getting very distant. I dont blame them but i just dont want to lose anyone. yeah i know life isnt fair sometimes, but its hard to compromise with that right now.

man this is weird and twisted. I've never dealt with anything like this and i feel like there's no one to talk to. My friends are a part of it so i cant go to them for a shoulder to lean on..and i cant even tell my bf what's been happening too because im scared and scared the fact that he might not care anymore or dont have those feelings for me or i'll just worry him. And he's the only one that completes me when it comes to love and relationship. Its like im just waiting for him to do something until i decide what i should do or feel towards my other guy friends. i know its their problem if they dont want to be friends but its also my fualt to because i've become a part of their lives and they've become a part of mine too, i cant just forget about it like that.

my friends knew that i had a bf but since i told them he moved away they all assume that it was over..and during those times my bf left i started doubting and so i never really mentioned about him with my friends any more.

well im going to talk to 2 of my guy friends today and tell them the truth. Then if i do see my other guy friend i'll talk to him too. And today i dont feel like talking to my bf so im just going to leave him out today. I feel like im just going to make him worry so im not going to tell him anything. Its been so long since we've been apart and if i start blabbering out at him about these things i dont know how he's going to react. Once i get everything straighten out with my guy friends i'll deal with him i guess.. Well i'll see what happens..and i'll keep yall informed if anything comes up.

thanks u guys...for listening..it means everything to me right now..thanks.. :)

[eightball61]

They are your friends and they need to know where you are at so they know what kind of distence to give you. You did find a good place to vent and please use this source anytime :D Write in a journal if you have nothing else to turn to but you need to give some space away from it all and think things through clearly. You need to make a decision thats going to fit right for you.

The only confusion I have though is that these guys are your friends and didn't know what happened after your BF moved :confused: How long ago did he move? Why did you not ever say anything to them?

[Diablo]

Those friends don't sound like good friends. A good friend might extend an invite to more, but will accept it if you say no. The fact that it changed your friendship with them indicates immaturity on their part. As for your boyfriend, how long before you two can be in the same town again? LDR's are hard and 17 year olds typically lack the patience for one to last a long time. Perhaps you should just start over in bf department. Sort of depends on how long the distance problem will last is my guess.

[Rich]

You're most certainly welcome. Good luck and just tackle one issue at a time. It will seem less daunting and overwhelming that way.

Just a word of advice though. You're young and have a lot of life ahead of you still to live.

Don't look for someone to "complete" you. That indicates that you're not a complete person. If you feel that you're not complete as a person, then analyze the areas that you feel that you're weak in and try to improve upon those yourself.

You'll find that your future relationships will be better off and stronger if you enter them as a complete person. Actually, if both parties enter them as complete people. If you enter a relationship dependent on another person to "complete" some aspect of your life, then in affect you give that person control over you and the relationship becomes more needy / dependant then anything else. Those aren't healthy relationships and don't last "forever".

Right now is a tough time to go through in your life, age wise. You're making that transition from teenager to young adult. It's a big change. Years from now you'll look back and say, "that really wasn't a big deal". But right now it feels like one anyway. Time and experience change ones thoughts and outlook on life and yours will change as well.

Just take it slow and know that life goes on. You'll always meet new people and make new friends. Try to settle on a direction that you want your life to go in or a goal that you want to achieve, then work towards it. Now is the time to do that because in a few years age does become a hinderance.

Your life is just actually beginning. There's a lot of pressure to being an adult, but it's pretty cool. The world is really going to start opening up to you. I wish you luck in dealing with it.

There's a book out there called " Don't Sweat The Small Stuff", that you should really read. It'll give you a great perspective on life and what's important. It will also help you realize what''s big and what's not, which will help to lessen the pressure that you might be feeling in life.

Good luck,

Rich

[BigGurlBigWorld]

THANKS RICH, EIGHTBALL61, AND DIABLO :)
yea right now im going through a phase and i just got to decide whats best for me. Yea and it hit me... that im still young and i'll meet many people along the way and many things will happen, so why not take it easy and learn from it. Like rich said it's only the begining<<thanks for that rich :D

eightball61:*The only confusion I have though is that these guys are your friends and didn't know what happened after your BF moved How long ago did he move? Why did you not ever say anything to them?*
reply:Before my bf moved i told them and they knew that i had lots of feelings for him but i didnt mention about him during the times he left because i felt that talking about my bf will not bring him back and the only thing i need to do was accept the fact that things will change and he'll never come back.He moved away for 1 year or so..It was hard to accept for awhile but i finally accept it. Just that now he's back im starting to have rush of emotions for him again. And sadly i feel like he doesnt have those feelings for me anymore. Now im back in the stage where i've started from,trying to accept changes.

well yesterday i talked to one of my friend and he told me everything and how he felt, in a way i felt kind of quilty because he has always been so honest with me (all along) and i realize that it's me that hasnt been so true to myself or anyone else. He told me not to worry about him and take some time off. yea im going to do that...im going to cool this down for awhile. Now i just got to talk to my other friend and then my bf (i guess i shouldnt call him that anymore, i have to wake up and realize that things has come between us.) i suppose it'll be way easier for him because he's still young the 1 year that he's been gone has been very long and maybe he's gotten use to not having me around anymore. Whats sad is that he doesnt even know these things or how im really feeling.

ok well thats it for now...im going back to the real world and deal with this, i cant hide here forever. But if anytime i feel like the world is turning on me i'll come back:) and if anytime soon this is over i'll come and help give advice/help to people here in this forum just like how RICH, EIGHTBALL61, AND DIABLO, has helped me...and all those people that are helping others too.....again thanks for helping guys...thanks......... :)

[eightball61]

You will eventually work through this. Your mind will go through different phases but eventually will lead you to the right directions. If you know things are not the same between you and your boyfriend and you feel you may never change those feelings or find it hard then maybe you should just give the needed spac and get into a relationship with someone closer. For now though stick it out and denicate what you can to your relationship. When you no longer feel anything for the relationship or fell that its not fair to continue then just end it and start over. The only thing can do is just give it a chance and see what works or doesn't work....goodluck

[Rich]

Don't even think about settling down for at least six to eight years. Enjoy life and have fun.

Good luck.

Rich