I Need Help!!!!

[dvs ladii]

Hey guys, heres the situation with me, this might be a little long, but I would appreciate it if you guys read it and reply back with your posts, i'm looking for as much help as possible. So, me and my boyfriend been together for 3 years, and just 2 days ago, my bestfriend said something to him and happened to fill his head with some kind of nonsense. I remember my bestfriend used to hate my boyfriend for some reason, and she always used to tell me things like "you can do better", "he's an a**hole", "he has no respect" and just recently i told him that she used to say all these things about him because she went on and backstabbed me with my issues and used my problems against me, so I had no choice but to tell my boyfriend that she said all this about him. Later on, she called him and told she never siad anything like that and whatever, brainwashed him against me, so I call him up, and I'm crying hysterically on the phone, he's like why are you crying when he knew what was up, and then after a few seconds pass by he starts yelling over the phone saying things like "SHUT THE F*CK UP, your a 2 faced b*tch, you just filled sh*t in my head against your bestfriend so i won't talk to her, your jealous of the fact that shes going out with my brother." That totally put me in shock, i begged him to give me a chance to talk but he didn't, he repeatedly said "no more chances for you, i'm done with your 3 year relationshop bullshit, just leave me alone, i dont wanna talk to u or see u." I'm so upset guys, the fact that he had some nerve to chose to listen to my bestfriend over me when he knows me for 3 years and he just recently met my bestfriend last month and hung out with his brother and her for about 3-4 days. I'm in a huge mess guys, I really need someone to help me out. Oh yeah and by the way, he's not even willing to talk to me over the phone, he keeps avoiding me, and tells me how he wants to end this relationship. I just want one chance to explain to him, i really wish everything can go back to the way it was, i don't want to let him go because its not that easy, i love him dearly and just wish that everything can go back to normal. Any good suggestions on what may help me through this tough time? :(

[Diablo]

If he dumped you entirely because of what your "friend" said to him, let him go. You never know when someone else is going to talk shit to him. If he couldn't question why he was being told all that and at least given you the benefit of the doubt until checking it out, you don't need him around anyway. 'Round here we refer to people like that as "people who's coats are easily turned". What cha tryin' to hang on to a turncoat for? If you want to try to get him back anyway, first, you have to allow him time to cool off. He's too mad right now to discuss it. Wait for a while before doing anything and then call him. How long to wait is up to you, but as mad as he sounds from your post, I'd wait at least a week if I were you.

[dvs ladii]

yeah i get what you're saying, the thing is that whatever was filled in his head, is going to stick there for a while, because i know how he is. I really want to leave him alone, so he can realize the mistake he made by choosing my "bestfriend" over me, but thas just hard to do, because he's the type of person whose not going to call because his ego is too high. I'm really stuck, he's being disrespectful too, and what really makes me upset is that just like 2 days before this happened he told me how much he loved me, told me that i'm the first girl he's ever been so close to, i'm the only girl he ever tells his secrets to, i'm like his right arm and he doesn't want to loose me, now all of a sudden this is happening, its driving me insane. I'm trying really hard to leave him alone so he can realize his mistake on his own instead of me trying to talk to him. But thanks so much for your reply, i appreciate it.

[inquisitive]

If you've been in a relationship for 3+ years, and he just all of a sudden decides to listen to what this "best friend" says then he needs to grow up a bit. All that yelling, and calling you names is BS, especially without hearing you out.

Personally I wouldn't put up with that.

It seems really odd that he would just break up with you, just like that. Have you been having other problems that would make him want a way out?

If you want him back you have to give him time to calm down. Don't call him. Let him call you. Make him apologize for speaking so badly to you!

[dvs ladii]

inquisitive - i know exactly what you mean, i feel very degrade by him calling me all sorts of names, and no there hasn't been any other problem before in the relationship, just a few fights here and there, but we eventually made up after that. But yeah I personally think that his mind is heated and he needs to chill out a bit, but last night he told me that this is the last time im talking to him :confused:

[eightball61]

Wow....I am really sorry you have to go through this :( Has he ever acted like this before?

Just give him the chance to cool down. Many times when people are angered they say nasty things they dont mean. I can't promise you if his words were true or not but give it more time. You can try writing him a letter, email, or message just to explain things and then leave it be.

Your friend backstabbed you to look good. As far as I am concerned she is not a true friend and you need to move past that. Your boyfriend should have beleive in you. You both are in a relationship to work together and trust. You have no reason to lie and its actually his lost for not hearing you out.

Something seems really odd here and I can't point it out..... :confused: I am just confused on why he is communicating with her (i know she is with his brother) and beleiving her over you. I am not going to make any assumptions on this situation but just seems all to odd. :confused:

[dvs ladii]

eightball - thanks for your post, he acts shady sometimes but not a major issue, he has mood swings here and there as well...but it never came to a point where he had to say all this to me, telling me that its over, and how this is the last time i'm talking to him, and the fact that hes tired of my bullshit 3 year relationship.

And as for my "bestfriend" i'm over her, its just sad that how i used to spill everything out to her, and she used it against me, my boyfriend actually thinks she was a goodfriend :confused:

Oh and anothr reason he's mad at me is beacuse my "bestfriend" told my boyfriend that i talk to his younger brother who is 15, and she told me how i tell him everything and told him not to tell me antyhing becuz i go and tell his younger brother, him being the smart ass he is, fell for that and thas the 2nd major reason why he's mad at me.

Yes, I do talk to his younger brother, but I dont ever share anything with him, becuz he is 15 and I am 20, there is no way i'm going to tell a little kid what i'm doing and whats going on. Its just sad that i have to go thourgh this, i'm the type of person who always forgives but never forgets.

[eightball61]

I know you are hurt but it shouldn't matter anymore. You ex went out of line as far as I am concern and he iis the one that actually owes you an apology. Try some of the things to contact him like I mentioned in the last post and just leave it as that. It will be hard to get over but sooner or latter you will develope anger towards his reactions that will help you heal.

[dvs ladii]

He does owe me a big time apology for choosing a girl who he hasn't known for a long time, just met for like 3-4 days.

I can't email him or anything, because he doesn't use the internet, the only way that i can actually get in contact with him is by phone or seeing him face to face, and I dont want to see him face to face because I know I will break down and cry infront of him.

What really scares me is that I'm going to lose him for good, yet I don't want to. I know what he did is really messed up, and i would love it if he apologises himself, but his ego and his pride gets in the way. Darn, i don't know why I love him so much, As much as I would love to work things out again, and as much as I would love for everything to go back to normal, i'm just afraid i'm going to hurt myself :confused:

[eightball61]

Just give it more time then....You can leave him a voice mail but he is the one that has lost because he decided to choose someone else's word over his girlfriends. :mad:

[dvs ladii]

Eightball i really appreciate the fact that you're replying to my thread...thanks a bunch :)

As for my stupid, confused relationship, I just have a feeling its the end of it, he hasn't called me himself once. I would leave him a voicemail but he picks up my phone calls, but doesn't talk to me the right way, just brushes me off after 2 minutes of our conversation. This really sucks, I feel so depressed, everytime i'm alone, I would start thinking about the past we had, about all the good times we spent together, the laughs we shared, and all of that stuff. I don't know what to do anymore. Do you think I should go see a psychiatrist?

[eightball61]

To early tyo think about a psychiatrist unless you are haveing psychiatic harmful thoughts.

Just try to keep your head straight for the next few days. Give one attempt as a form of closure that you tried. Call him once more and either talk or leave a message for him. After that you will know where things stand because it has allready been a few days. All you can do is try once more and then just allow yourself to move on.

[dvs ladii]

I guess you're right, it is too early to go talk to a pyschiatrist.

If i call him, I'm afraid he's going to put me down, as it already is, he has done it 2 times ever since this incident happened. Everytime I pick up the phone to call him, I put it down, because I don't want him to think I'm really desperate for him. And he already told me over the phone last night that this was supposedly the last time we were talking, if thats what it is, then why does he keep picking up my phone calls to hurt me even more?

[eightball61]

I didn't realize you called him another two times since the incident. If he kept putting you down then he is going to do it again. H is doing this because he is angry and also trying to make your pay for smething that is not your fault. Maybe you ought to just toss in the white flag. There is no point in keep getting hurt like this.

If he is just doing this out of anger then all he is doing is just ruining his chances on gettng back with you. Personally, you dont need this verbal abuse and my recommendation would be just to leave the situation and try to work on yourself at this point. This all happened fast for you and your mind is very hurt and confused. Its going to take time to get over it but you made friends here so you can talk to us anytime and try talking to others around you like family.

The point is you don't need someone that will abuse you mentally and verbally. Even if you both were to get back together things would not be the same. Its not like you can just drop this and pick things up right off. Maybe he is right and he can have his time off. Its does effect you but also a good thing that you dont have to face this abuse. Consider this a healthy thing and try to build what you see good out of this....If you are younger whats so good about this then let me share: you founf out a close friend wasn't a friend, you got rid of potential abuse, you got rid of someone that doesn't trust you, and you got rid of all this koas and drama that could have had an impact emotionally on your life. You need to see positive and just try to build off from that.

[dvs ladii]

First of all i want to thank you guys for being there to take the time out and replying back to my posts, being there to comfort me and giving good advice. :)

And as for what you said, eightball, I think you're 100% right, I should take the time out and do what I have to do to keep myself happy instead of trying to make things better. I'm just going to ignore everything, and see if my boyfriend realises his mistake and gives me a call hiself. But if he does realise, I don't know if I should take him back for what he did or just let him go?

[Diablo]

I don't think you should take him back. If practically anyone can get him to turn on you by pouring some poison in his ear, you really don't want him back. You don't see that because your feelings are mucking up the issue. He dumped you because of what she said and he didn't even ask you for your side of the story You need that guy back like you need another hole in your head.

[dvs ladii]

It's going to be quite hard for me to let go of him after a 3 year relationship, but honestly, if I have to work on moving on with my life, I will. I can't put up with this everytime it happens, before ppl had said stuff to him about me, he always asked me first to make sure if it was true or not. I don't know what made him believe what she said. And shes a big issue in my life right now, theres so much she's doing which is interferring with my personal relationship. I want to get rid of her some how!!! :mad:

[dvs ladii]

It's going to be quite hard for me to let go of him after a 3 year relationship, but honestly, if I have to work on moving on with my life, I will. I can't put up with this everytime it happens, before ppl had said stuff to him about me, he always asked me first to make sure if it was true or not. I don't know what made him believe what she said. And shes a big issue in my life right now, theres so much she's doing which is interferring with my personal relationship. I want to get rid of her some how!!! :mad:

[Diablo]

If she was your best friend, I wouldn't want to meet one of your bad ones. Don't do anything rash. Just let her go her way and you go yours. The end of a three year relationship is a hard one, but you'll be okay in the long run.

[eightball61]

But if he does realise, I don't know if I should take him back for what he did or just let him go?

I erased my original post here because I just saw your last thread :eek:

To answer this question though: "NO, you shouldn't think about giving him a chance".

[inquisitive]

He doesn't deserve a second chance. He didn't even ask you for your side of the story. He took some other person that he hardly knows over you! Don't even give him the time of day!

[dvs ladii]

Yup, he doesn't deserve a second chance, I'm going to be a strong girl and keep my head up, things always happen for a reason, and if he truly loves me, he'll come back hiself, but then I think its going to be too late. Its his loss for not listening to my side of the story and just believing what some random girl had to say. I'm glad all of this happened now, or else it would've been hell if I ever lost my virginity to him or ended up marrying him. :D

[eightball61]

Yup, he doesn't deserve a second chance,


Thats what I needed to hear :D Stay strong hun and we are here for you anytime. Its not going to be easy but try to stay out of thier lives by stopping communication. Try to move on and build anger angainst it if needed to. He has been hurtful and still proves to be. You dont need it....Give yourself a pat on the back :D


Tea Anyone???

[dvs ladii]

Thanks a lot eightball, I've mentioned this a couple of times but you guys have really helped me through this tough time a lot.

And yes, anger is the only way to let go of these type of things, I've never showed him any type of anger or disrespect so I guess he took advantage of my kindness, and disrespected me that way. But I guess theres other guys in this world that will treat me better. I've helped this guy through so much shit that he been thru and all I got in return was a slap across my face. I guess the saying is true "The bad always happens to the good."

And yes I'd like some tea :)

[inquisitive]

No guessing about it. There are definitely guys out there who will treat you better.

[dvs ladii]

Indeed, it's not the end of world, I'm just really glad this happened now instead of later. And I'm really happy that I have my family to support me and that's all I really need.

I don't think I'm going to recover too soon from this incident but I know I'll make it sooner or later.

[eightball61]

No guessing about it. There are definitely guys out there who will treat you better.



agreed.............& good call inquistive . You are absolutely right and there is always better than this out there. ;)

[inquisitive]

Thanks :) That was an easy one :D

[dvs ladii]

I think all of you are right, this has helped me a lot.