How much more do i take??

[thunderbird]

okay ive been with my partner for 3 years and married for 4 months
a month after we were married i found all this on the computer and went nuts about it, like he couldnt even wait a month???
so anyway he denied it, rather vehemently
a couple of days later it was still nagging at me so i kept asking him, he eventually broke down and told me that yes he had been looking at it
he told me that when he was a little boy his uncle had ually abused him and for some reason it was now a real problem, he kept thinking about it and was feeling shame and guilt the whole nine yards, and the was because a) hes a man and b) he was...not questioning his uality but kind of

so anyway he says he wants to get help, has 3 counselling sessions and then throws in the towel and becomes someone i dont know anymore, so angry all the time
he wasnt happy and didnt love himself so how could he love anyone else
instead of leaving i have stayed because he was deeply depressed and i wanted to be there to support him

fast forward to now and he is as sweet as pie, affectionate, caring, cant do enough for me

however...the thing continues and he continues to lie about
i KNOW for a fact hes looking at stuff but he just will not admit it

i dont CARE about the , i have a healthy ual attitude to this...its the hiding things, LYING
i understand he must feel great shame because of his past

so my problem is how can i help him become more open and stop hiding things from me??
ive been gentle and patient and told him i love him no matter what and he has nothing to be ashamed about

i know for abuse victims theres a real trust issue but he trusted me enough in the first place to tell me, why shut off now and pretend eevrything is perfect when i damn well know its not

[eightball61]

I am glad you were able to eventually accept the issue. Next, is the issue that many other people in relationship have and thats a noncommunitive partner. Its really hard to get another person to speak because they only do it on free will. The only suggestion that I can personally offer is try have him writing in a journal. Its doesn't have to be a long entry and he doesn't have to do it every night. It will be only used for him to express himself and for you to know more about why he is the way he is. You can also write in a journal also. you both can express things back in forth. You can either make the journal direct or indirect to the ther person.

The other issue you came across is the fact he ditched 3 counseling suggestions. Its like communicating and he wont do it unless he feels motivated enough or something motivates him. Try offering to go with him. You both can start out with relationship counseling and then allow it work itself into individual classes for him.

[Rich]

What type of is he looking at? Guy / girl? Guys and little boys? Guy / guy? People and animals? She male? TV?

Your answer to those questions will help in forming a more helpful answer for you.

Thanks,

Rich

[Diablo]

He's probably worried about how you'll react if he admits it. But how do you know he's looking at ? Once you go to a few of those sites, you get spam and pop ups forever. If you're thinking he's looking at because of spam and pop ups, he may not be lying to you. Also, do other people besides you two have access to the computer? You've said you accept the and he's a perfect husband in every other way, so why not drop the subject for a while? He's probably afraid to admit to it if he is viewing Internet and it is never good to press someone into admitting something that they are afraid to admit.