Am I angry over nothing??

[Loving romantic]

My fiance and I have been together going on two years on April 19. We got engaged on Feb 25, 2005. We recently started having problems and we argue alot now. I'm starting to think he's a selfish person with alot of insecurities, he can't stand to hear the truth, is never wrong, runs away from his problems, and he has to have his way. I'm totally fed up with his mess and his problems. Our last arguement was last night. We've been trying to get pregnant for 5 months now and it hasn't happened yet. So I just thought maybe he's getting impatient. I went to the doctors yesterday to make sure everything was fine on my end of conceiving and i'm fine. I was on Depo(birth control) for three years and it took 6 months for my period to come back and it's still not even normal at this time. I talked to him on the phone last night to tell him what the doctor told me and he just totally twisted what I said and put it in his own words as "We're not compatiable" "His isn't up to par" "It's not the right time" "We're not having enough" (he was offended). The only thing I said to him was that basically my body might not be ready because of the Depo, we might be hittin and missin by having on the wrong days, and that we might not be having enough. He decided that he didn't want to talk about it anymore after he twisted my words. So I hung up on him before he could hang up on me because that's his thing. I'm just sick of his attitude and I'm ready to change my mind about the whole relationship with him because of his attitude alone. We have communication problems because he is too judgemental and it seems like he's comparing me to other females and that's not right. Everybody's different. I'm only this angry now because he's pushed me to that point and I feel like I'm getting ready to snap. It seems like that's what he wants me to do and I'm telling you he's not going to like the outcome. HELP!!!!!!! (Before I do something that I'll regret) I try talking to him but he always makes it seem like I'm wrong, he's never wrong, and nothing ever seems like it's resolved.

[eightball61]

I'm only this angry now because he's pushed me to that point and I feel like I'm getting ready to snap.


Then Snap!!!!!!!!! This may be the best thing for him to realize whats going on with you emotionally. You both have communication problems you both will have to work on that. As you see and agree to, everyone is different and you may never get him to express himself the way that YOU want him to because this may be who he is. What you both can do is compromise to some degree to make you both happy.

If you want him to talk more then hopefully you both can build something to work that out. Let him think of something he like you to work on also. This shoudl hopefully open his eyes and see that its not just him. You both will be picking up problems and compromising to work on them.

You snapping may be the key to get your emotions out. You need to learn and stop holding things in like this. When you hold stuff in it just puts the problems on hold for a bigger one latter. Well now is latter and you are ready just to move on. Moving on wont help unless you change the way you express yourself. Agrueing causes fustration and you may not like it but it also allows for what can't get worked out to work it out.

This is a huge problem that has been put on hold for a while. You will have to fully express yourself to get the words out. The more you hold things in the longer its just going to make thing worse. You mention that you are ready to snap and thats what it may take for him to realize. He needs to see the wrong doing so he can try to work on it. Relatioships are a team thing and if you both can't work together then nothing will ever work.

I am not going to tell you that you both are or are not ready for a child yet but before you proceed into trying to make a child make sure you are ready for the relationship. I only mention this because you are basically on your last straw with everything.

[SALly]

Like eightball said-- just snap then... just let it out. Just scream and cry and do whatever you need to do, but let him know what you think and feel. It is the only way. Believe me, I know. I don't say shit... I keep everything inside... and now my life SUCKS!!!!!!! Just let it out NOW!!!!

[inquisitive]

I know how you feel with the depo! I was on it for about the same amount of time (3.5yrs) and now that I've gone off of it my body is outa wack! I've been told by my doctor that it could take me up to 2 years to get pregnant. Thats another reason you may feel like snapping!

You definitely need to let him know how you feel. If snapping is the only way to do it, then so be it. Maybe then he'll be more supportive.

Trying to concieve a baby can be stressful enough without the added stress of a man that doesn't understand what you're going through.

[Diablo]

He twists things out of proportion, everything is your fault in his eyes and you're wondering if it's wrong for you to be mad? You need to rethink your engagement to this man. First, try talking things out and bringing some peace back into the relationship, but if he reacts to that with hostility, you really need to think about calling the whole thing off. Any problem you have with a man before you marry him, will only get worse afterwards.

[2BDMD]

Stayed in engagement longer before marriage or break off the engagement. If things are this bad now, then it has the potential to get even worse in marriage. Good luck.

[lakegoddess]

Is he a Leo? Haha, because my boyfriend is exactly the same - never wrong, always explodes. DON'T LET HIM STEP ALL OVER YOU. If everytime you guys fight, you have to scream over each other, then don't waste your time. He's not going to try to listen to you, he'll twist your words, and make his faults yours.

If you two are engaged and want to spend the rest of your lives together, you two need to sit down and talk about what bothers each of you about the other person. Love isn't enough. I've found that (although a bit risky) taking time out before bedtime, lying in the bed in the dark, and talking to each other about your concerns really help. Of course, you two can't be fighting. Just talk slowly. If he cuts you off, say "_____ is very important to me. I just want to let you know how I feel."

Another piece of advice: reverse psychology. If he always snaps at you and walks away, you do the same next time. You shouldn't always be the one begging. And you can't do anything when he's all fired up anyway. Go out, get a drink, hang with the girls...

[bdtraders]

Hey now wait a minute, im a LEO and one hell of a great guy. I dont try to prove my SO wrong all the time, only when she is, if im wrong im wrong.

LOL

[eightball61]

Hey now wait a minute, im a LEO and one hell of a great guy. I dont try to prove my SO wrong all the time, only when she is, if im wrong im wrong.

LOL


Don't worry about it bdtraders. There are many good guys/females out there in the world like you but there are some that like to think they are king sh*t. In the long run these are the guys/females that lose out.....not people like you ;)

[Rich]

My question is why, when you have all of these negative thoughts about your fiance, do you want to have a baby and bring a baby into this right now?

Where is YOUR minset at? Do you really think that having a baby is the smartest thing to do right now?

Are you hoping that baby will make things better between you two? Are you at that age that you just want to have a baby, regardless? That you feel that you need to have one right now?

Know this. Babies add stress to a relationship and change it 180 degrees. You will not have the same type of relationship that you have now with your spouse (closeness) until the children leave the house at 18 or 21 years old.

Babies don't fix a relationship!

If you aren't 100% sure about this guy, then I suggest NOT bringing a baby into the picture.

Just from what you wrote one can see that there's no respect or equality in your relationship, on top of a few other aspects that are missing, that are required to make a relationship successful.

Either work to fix what is broken and or missing between you two and then bring a baby into this world, or break up and try again with someone new.

Here's my vision of your future as I 've seen so many of these.

You have the baby and your relationship get's totally worse. You're constantly angry and fighting with each other. You want a divorce but are afraid to leave because you have the baby. You'll think...."who will watch the baby when I go to work? How many days off can I take? How will I make it? And so on and so on and so on".

So you'll stay and you'll be unhappy. You'll fight all the time and your baby will be exposed to an unhappy house with a lot of anger and frustration. Will the baby be getting all the love that they should and deserve to be getting?

IMO, think twice right now.

Rich

[MDeezy]

My question is why, when you have all of these negative thoughts about your fiance, do you want to have a baby and bring a baby into this right now?

Babies don't fix a relationship!

If you aren't 100% sure about this guy, then I suggest NOT bringing a baby into the picture.



I agree completely, you guys should have a solid relationship before children are in the picture.

If he's this unreasonable and unable to listen, and you've spoken to him and tried to reason with him then sadly this may not be the person for you, and there maybe a reason why you guys havent gotten pregnant yet.

I's suggest you guys sit down and see if these indifferences can be worked out before you are pregnant and eveything get 10times more complicated.

[Loving romantic]

Thank you everybody for your advice. We discussed the baby while everything was on good terms. The baby was his idea. I've put the engagement on hold because I think he has more issues than I thought that he has to straighten out before we do anything. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't going crazy and it really just wasn't me. No he isn't a Leo. Actually I'm the Leo and he's a Virgo, which when I first met him I knew we were doomed from the start because my two daughters father is a Virgo and that didn't work out either. We actually talked all night after I posted this forum. I guess you could say we just keep stuff bottled up instead of talking to each other about it. We both thought that we couldn't make each other happy. I told him that he is too insecure about our relationship which really means he doesn't trust me and I can't understand why because I've never given him a reason not to trust me. I know he's been burned in his past relationships, but that doesn't have anything to do with me because I'm a totally different person. I also discussed him running away from his problems becauses it doesn't solve anything. But like I said, the wedding is off unless he straightens out these issues that he has. Thanks for the advice. If it's meant to be then it'll work out, if not then I'll be moving on!!!

[Diablo]

Good luck with it. People with a history of failed relationships usually have trust issues and they have to overcome those issues before they can have a healthy relationship with anyone. Perhaps he can; probably he won't. People seem to have to realize that they aren't going to die from a broken heart before being able to resolve that issue.

[eightball61]

Time will only tell if you both were meant to be. Work on the issues before you proceed on anything like you mentioned that you'll be doing. He has a lot of fustration and thats could be partly because you both been trying for a baby and nothing has happened yet. He has a strong goal to start up a family but nothing seems to be working his way so therefor it leads to his fustration. He needs to learn how to deal with life's issues. Not eerything is made to go perfect and he will need to work around that so he can try to make this relationship enjoyable and able to progress in the future.

[Rich]

Good for you. Nice judgment.

[mia]

sounds exactly like my leo boyfriend. lol but doesnt sound like you should be thinking about having a baby right now, if things are this bad before you have children they prob will get worse after you have one, as you will have alot more stress, having a baby wont solve any problems, and isnt fair to bring a child into a relationship until you sort out your problems first. my boyfriend who ive lived with for nearly two years now, doesnt communicate well, and when he does talk he twists everything around that its my fault. then he promises he will change and doesnt, and when i bring it up about him changing and still hasnt months later after ive given him some time, he gets mad and says i dont put things behind me i bring them up all the time. lol kind of hard to put it behind me when he is still doing the same things. what he really is doing is just telling me what i want to hear at the moment so ill be quiet, but doesnt have any intention of changing his ways. try to solve your problems before you jump into marriage or you might regret marrying him later on.