3126
03-11-2010, 03:58 PM
I am a 29 yr old F involved in a monogomous relationship with a 38 yr old male. We have been living together for almost two years. Quick background information: He and I began working together in 1/2007. I ended a 3 year relationship (one that should have been ended 2.5 yrs ago) shortly after meeting him. We were "friends with benefits" (which made me crazy) for a little over a year and became exclusive in 4/2008. He is a therapist and about 8 months ago he began seeing a sibling set who would come in with their 28 yr old sister. He (who is sitting next to me) says that because she functioned as their parent, he would often pull her into sessions. As time went on, I began to notice that he would make certain comments about her, and I just made a note of it. Well, on 2/25/10 (actually, 2/26/10) he came home smelling of alcohol at 1:30ish in the morning. He and I had a disagreement, as his time and whereabouts did not match. Later he came into my room and declared that he had "omitted" some information. The information he omitted was that he had been invited to a party at a casino by the 28 year old, and he went (she drove) and he had a few drinks. He maintains that nothing physical happened. After a lengthy discussion regarding honesty and ethics one week and 4 days later, when I couldn't get in contact with him, I received a call at 11:00pm, with him stating that he had been watching a movie with this same person. He thought about calling me, but didn't do it. I've found out (because he has told me) that he has met with her (she is engaged) on at least two occasions at a coffee shop to talk about the kids, because she no longer comes into the office. Also, I found out that she has shared intimate information regarding her past with him. He states that she is aware that he has a significant other, and that she has randomly asked about me. He also maintains that no physical contact has been made. He thinks I'm blowing this (feeling discounted, unimportant, and suspicious) out of proportion. He states that he loves me, only me, wants to be exclusive with me, and has no romantic feelings for this person. Unfortunately, I'm thinking otherwise. I think that she has other intentions, and I'm not sure what my significant other is thinking by leaving this door of opportunity open. I forgot to mention that he typically only talks with females, and the closest thing to a friend he would consider would be a female. I almost left this relationship over this issue, and he doesn't think it's a big deal. It is breaking my heart. He feels that I am not allowing him to have any friends. Interestingly enough, when these discussions began, he did not identify her as a friend. (He says I'm calling her that anyway). I told him that I would like to meet her, and this just went over and over. Can someone please provide both of us with the following: Am I overreacting? Is this a budding or full blown emotional affair? Is his behavior ethical for a therapist? Am I just insecure and should I give him his space? (he wants me to stop "interrogating" him). Please help, as I love him so much, but hate the way I'm feeling.