Relationship Suddenly Over

[laurel]

I have been in a relationship for 13 years without being married. A month ago, my boyfriend suddenly moved out and started seeing someone else within a week (of course they had been talking). I am having trouble moving on. It was so sudden. The girl is now doing everything that we use to do together, and always with him. It is so hard. For a month I have been chasing after him, crying and begging. I realize it is time to stop. But I can't seem to go on. He says she is perfect, slim, good job, never es or complains and he is happy. He says he will be with her until something happens between them. That maybe we could go out again some day if they don't work out, but for now I need to move on and accept it. He says he loves me, but we just can't get along.
How do I deal with Ms. Perfect?

[eightball61]

You've actually made a big step in accepting what happened and you are no longer begging to come back. It has been proven all that effort was a waste but you still tried anyway. He has moved on and for whatever reason he wants to be with the new girl. YOu are right and now you need to accept and try to move on. This all takes time and steps. You may not notice it but you are moving on. You are no longer bothering him. You now made the decision to stop and work for yourself.

13 years and no marriage is tuff but some people go through relationships like this. Was there a particular reason why you both never married?

Its going to take time to get over him. 13 years in a relationship will make it hard to get over him just keep to your game plan and your mind will sort it all out. You may not be ready for a long time to date again and thats ok. Just take things day by day and see what happens. You will have some good days and have some bad. The more you move on the the more good days you will have.

[SALly]

Don't hold onto the fact that he will come back to you if he gets sick of her, either. Why would you even want him back at that point. I would hope you wouldn't by then! That's no way to live, thinking you will just survive until he wants you again....believe me.. I know.

[Howard]

Wow Laurel.13 years without getting married? :eek: That's one hell of an accomplishment. :) As for myself,I was in a relationship the longest was almost 5 years but my old girlfriend(Annalee)broke up with me on October 19th,2001. 3 months later,we would've celebrated our 5th anniversary together.She wanted me to get her some sort of an engagement ring but I told her I'm not working, I don't have a job & I attend a program during the day and it's not enough to pay for shit.So be it. :(

[Diablo]

It's going to be hard to do Laurel. The first thing to do is to start making yourself do things to get your mind off of him. It doesn't matter what it is as long as it's something positive and occupies your mind. Got any hobbies that you've been wanting to try and putting off? Now's as good a time to take one up as any. Try to avoid a rebound relationship. If you go into a new relationship with bad feelings left over from an old relationship, the bad feelings from the old relationship will adversely effect the new relationship. Good luck.

[Howard]

Good Luck Laurel.I wish you well.I hope things turn out the way you want them to. :)

[Rich]

I'm sure that there's a whole lot more to the story then the short blurb we got here. To be in a relationship 13 years without getting married indicates many issues.

The fact that he left and isn't coming back due to fighting and not getting along, says a lot.

What you should be concentrating on is why you didn't get married and all the reasons why you guys fought. Why did you argue quite a bit? At least enough to drive him away anyway.

Those are the things that you should be working on. Were there personality difficiencies on both of your parts that caused the fighting? Well, you can't fix him, but you can fix yourself.

Analyze the different areas about you that need to be improved upon and then work to make them better so that your next relationship doesn't suffer the same fate.

Why want him back and just have the same lousy relationship? If he came back, what would be different this time around?

IMO, don't worry about ms. perfect, worry about you and what you can control.

Rich

[MDeezy]

What a ! Pardon my language but to be together for 13 year then suddenly move out and hook up with another woman. Wow. You dont need him, why did he leave so suddenly? and why was he speaking with another woman and you knew about it?

[Howard]

So,you knew about him talking to another woman?
But 13 years of being together without marriage says something about you.I can't quite pinpoint it right now. :confused:

[mia]

dont sit around waiting for him to come back to you, would you really want him back knowing he came back to you because it didnt work out with her? and you will always be wondering if hes talking to another woman behind your back and will leave you again for someone else, dont boost his ego by letting him think you are waiting for him to come back, its hard but try to move on, once a guy/girl leaves you for someone else, its most likely if you get back together, he/she will prob do it again. and you will also not have much trust in him anymore, it is very stresfull always wondering what there up to once trust is broken, beleive me i know, i go through this everyday, and i wish sometimes he would break up with me as it is hard to walk away from him even though i know he plays his little games all the time.and promises he will never do it again, ( hes never left me for someone else ) but i know if he did ever leave me for another woman i definetly would never want him back. ever.

[Howard]

I wish you well in a new relationship.don't feel so bad. :)