I need some opinions... I'm so confused!

[TiredOfTheGames]

I don't know how to begin really... well I guess at the beginning would be a logical place to start... I'm a 21 year old female, and I met a 28 year old guy online... We talked for a few weeks, both online and on the phone, before we decided to meet each other... well after we met, we started seeing each other more often, and i guess you can say we are "seeing each other". i dont want to call it a relationship cuz neither of us made it official... well this past friday, we were suppsed to go out around my way(since we live like 45 min away from each other) so that he could meet my parents... well friday rolls around and he doesnt call me... he didnt call me saturday, or sunday either... well on sunday, i was so upset with him that i went to his house to confront him... when i got there, he told me that he had left town because his ex girlfriend called to tell him that she was pregnant and he was the father of the baby... now im not sure when they broke up cuz i have been talking to him now for a little over a month... but anyway, he said that he just got really mad broke a door and stormed out of his house with only the clothes on his back and went to stay with his mother for 4 days... he said that he left his cell phone at his house the whole time... that would explain why he didnt return any of my calls all weekend... i'm just not sure if i should believe him... he hasnt given me any other reason to not trust him, but its just sounding a little shady to me cuz he could have taken like 2 min to call and tell me that something came up and that he needed to leave town for a few days for some time alone to think... but he didnt... now im just wondering if he is really telling me the truth... but like i said before, he hasnt given me any other reason not to trust him... in fact, its the complete opposite... he tells me that he misses me all the time, sends me little texts on my phone to tell me that he wishes i was there, and tells me im beautiful all the time. when i went to confront him yesterday, he apologized profusely, and said that he would make it up to me... then just now as i am writing this, he instant messaged me online saying once again that he was really sorry... i so wish that i could post our convo on here so that i can show you what i mean... as a matter of fact, i might just try...

HIM (9:44:42 PM): hey i am sorry if i upset you...i just have to figure out what is going on
HIM (9:44:55 PM): my mind is running at a million miles an hour right now
ME (9:45:34 PM): i bet it is... i know how you feel i have had my fair share of pregnacy scares...
(PRIVATE PART OF THE CONVERSATION)
ME (9:52:06 PM): but hey i got one question for ya...
HIM (9:52:57 PM): k
ME (9:53:27 PM): what are we calling what we are doing? ( my mom keeps bugging me about this )
HIM (9:53:55 PM): she does
ME (9:54:29 PM): yeah but she thinks that i am dating every guy that i talk to even if they are just friends... so shes just weird
ME (9:54:58 PM): i just didnt know what to tell her
HIM(9:55:07 PM): i like you alot and want to get to know you more...this weekend was so unexpected and i just have to figure this out
HIM (9:55:53 PM): i enjoy spending time with you and i think that we go together very well
ME (9:56:03 PM): i know i understand... but to give you a heads up, my guards are still up
ME (9:56:30 PM): i've been hurt so many times before, that i just cant let it happen again
HIM (9:56:47 PM): i understand...are you seeing any other guys
ME (9:57:06 PM): i've been turning them all down
ME (9:58:10 PM): what about u? you seeing anyone else?
HIM (9:58:37 PM): no
(PRIVATE PART OF THE CONVERSATION)
HIM (10:11:26 PM): well i need to go to bed..long day and another one tomorrow..hopefully i can get done early...if i do would u like to come over
ME (10:11:39 PM): tomorrow? sure
HIM (10:12:24 PM): ok that would be great
ME (10:12:37 PM): yeah
HIM (10:12:57 PM): i will talk with you tomorrow...i do not have internet service at the office..wont be turned on til the 27th which sucks
HIM (10:13:07 PM): so i will call when i figure out what time i will be home
ME (10:13:10 PM): okie dokie
HIM (10:13:28 PM): you have sweet dreams and i hope to be able to see you tomorrow

well thats the convo we just had tonight, so if yinz all can comment and help me out here i would so greatly appreciate it... im doing this cuz i have fallen for him, so if i lose him now, im going to be devastated... like i want to believe him... cuz he's given me no other reason to doubt him, it may just be my insecurity with men, but i just need some opinions from ppl who dont know me or this guy... thanks a bunch all!

[eightball61]

This can go either but heres my view..... :confused:

If he is telling you the trueth on the whole thing then he still has left himself open in many areas. I don't understand the fact on how he left. When he found out the news he left like a very bad tradigy happened to a close family member.

The red flag I see is why couldn't he call you to apologize and let you know? A call like that doesn't have to take long....I am sure he had down time like before bed, going out to eat, before shower, payphone, or bringing a cordless phone to the bathroom.

In my view, I see he had his chances to call you and he didn't. You drove to his house on sunday and he was there...... :confused: .....why couldn't he call you when he got back? it would have saved you a trip.... Something just doesn't make sense to me and I can't put my finger on it.

Also, when you were talking to him online he seemed very relaxed by asking you all these questions about the future. To me is seems strange that he is acting normal now when just a few days ago he was soooo wound up because of a scare. I know when I got a scare once I was affected by it longer than a few days and I never had the reaction of breaking things like he did:confused:


Trust is very big when in a relationship to me. You are not in a relationship with this guy yet and you are allready having honesty issues. My suggestion is to monitor things a little more closely before you head into a committed relationship. You are young and I hate to see you get hurt by this one guy. We all learn from mistakes though and it be up to you on when you like to take this further.

If she is really pregnant then he will need space to figure out what to do. You will also need to decide if you can handle a relationship where he will have to continue seeing an ex because of a child. Some can do it and some can't handle it. The both of you will really need time to think about all of this.....Again only if this is all true!!!!!!!!

As I was saying though, continue things on the slow pace like they have been. All you have to do is simply tell him that you are not ready yet and you like to have more time. If he was respectful then he will grant that and respect it for some time. You have to be able to trust him in order to proceed with things. If you don't trust him then its going to make it very hard to get into a successful relationship with him.

[Diablo]

Trust takes time to develop. It's kinda funny, kinda sad, how people expect love and trust to be there after they've only been dating for a short while. It's like they see movie love stories and think something's wrong if their relationship isn't like that. Has this guy promised you anything in the long run? If he hasn't, then he hasn't done anything wrong. It is fairly common for people to have their plans interuppted by life's bs. My read on this (and I could be wrong) is that something was up that he didn't want to fully discuss. It may not even involve the ex or any other ex girlfriend; but for whatever reason, it isn't something he wants to discuss. My advice to you is that if he is good to you in all other ways, then don't make an issue of this.

[bdtraders]

To me he was wrong and should have called you, but he is also human and we all loose our heads at times and are stupid about issues that we dont see as big deals but offend or hurt others.
He apologized and told you what happened, you said yourself that he has given you no other reason to doubt him otherwise, so just except his apology and go from there.
Keep your radar up but also just go on as normal. If it repeats then question it more, but for now just place it in your lil notebook file and save.
Just let him know that you are there for him when he needs someone to turn to.

[SALly]

Possibly he was so scared... he couldn't even bare to talk to you. He should have called yes... but he may really like you a lot and had visions of everything you guys have started just blowing up due to this issue. He probably couldnt' even think straight, let alone try to calmly tell you about the situation.
My first impression was that if he didnt' call you then he must have been hiding something...but considering the issue he was faced with, I could see how he just panicked.
Just my thoughts........

[TiredOfTheGames]

thanks to eveyone who has (and will be) left a reply... i'm taking it all into consideration, and yes we are going to continue to take it slow for right now... along with everyone on this site, i have been talking to my best friend about this matter every night since it happened... she even gave me some comfort food... mmmm spaghetti o's... :p but anyway... everyone's opinion has given so much to think about... that just gives me more to talk to him about tonight... and to diablo, no he didnt promise anything in the long run, but i didnt want anything promised other than to be there when we planned something like that especially since he was the one that initiated the planning of meeting my parents... i know things dont go like the movies, cuz even tho i am still young, i have witnessed so much when it comes to relationships (both first hand and as an outsider)... and i know that love doesnt just happen in the first month... and by the way, when we first started talking, i had just gotten out of a relationship so i didnt want to rush into another one... cuz i did that b4 and they ended up being destroyed in a week and i didnt want that with him... i wanted it to last long enough to progress to something special... so i told him that... and he respected that, so we just kept it to "dating" without having an official title... i liked him enough that i decided that i wasnt going to see other guys, and just concentrate my energy on getting to know him better so that we could get to the point of starting a relationship... but then all that stuff happened this past weekend... im still only seeing him, and he said that he was only seeing me, so i'm going to see this through and see where it goes... i know i have to take it one day at a time, and if he's willing, i am willing to be there for him if the baby is his... and yes i am going to have my radar on at all times just for my heart's sake because i cant take the pain again... as my name says, im tired of the games guys play and im ready to settle down with a guy that could possibly lead to marriage... and i know that people are going to say wait to get married cuz alot of people who get married in their early 20's end up divorcing... but i think i am mature beyond my years cuz so much has happened to me... im not saying that i dont make mistakes or anything, but i know what is right and what is wrong, and i am willing to make the sacrifice for a guy that i can truely love and have him truely love me in return... but all in all, im taking my time with him and keeping my radar on high alert... i'm going to talk to him tonight so we'll see how that goes first...

[eightball61]

but all in all, im taking my time with him and keeping my radar on high alert...

Sounds like a plan ;)

Taking your time is a smart approach.

[Diablo]

Good luck with it. I agree with Sally now that I've thought about it more. It does sound as if he got that call from the ex and went into panic mode. If the baby is his, the honorable thing for him to do is marry her; however, she's probably an ex for good reason. Anyway, hope everything goes well for you.

[cindyJ]

Sound like he was either to scared or too embaressed to call you. When an ex calls to tell you that you are the father, that could be a little too much to handle.