Any help greatly appreciated

[Princessstephie]

I am so confused. I have been with this guy for about a month and things have never been smooth. I have feelings for one of my mates as well as my guys brother!!! His brother is too young for me and the only reason i have feelings for him is because we have a lot in common and we have a laugh and he is easy to talk to. He is far too young for me considering our ages. I am 17 and he is 13. There is no physical attraction but he is interested in me. I can deal with this but the feelings for my mate are just too strong to ignore. We ahve been texting each other alot more lately and meeting up, in a group but it is still just friends. We both know how the other one feels but as i am still with my guy its really complicated. I am looking for a way of ending it without hurting him and getting together with my mate but i dont want to hurt anyone and somehow keep everyone as my mates. Any suggestions greatly appreciated as i am very confused. :confused:

[eightball61]

I am looking for a way of ending it without hurting him and getting together with my mate but i dont want to hurt anyone and somehow keep everyone as my mates.



If you accomplish this successfully please share wit me in detail how you did it because I surely like to know.........



You have to understand that breakups are not meant to be a happy thing. You are young and seem very nice. You have to understand though that sometimes you just have to stick up for yourself. Breaking up with someone because you lost feelings for them won't ruin your image.

If you are having these thoughts then breaking up with him is the best. I say its for the best because you are being fair to him and also yourself. Don't have the fear on being scared that no one will like you after that. Its only a breakup and they do happen. Its a normal thing to happen.....

You are still young and unsure what you want or who to settle with. Date around right now to find the right one. I don't really suggest the 13 yearold because of many reasons; he be a brother of an ex, could be illegal for you both to have a physical relationship(in your country), its not a big age gap but there may be a big difference to on how you think compared to him.

Just date around and get your life settled. You will see and learn as you date around that breakups are a normal thing to happen just because a relationship never worked out. You are not a bad guy for breaking up with him. In reality you'll be doing the right thing for yourself and also him on letting him go instead of holding on and unsure of things in the relatisnhips.

[Princessstephie]

That has given me the confidence to do the right thing but im still not sure how im going to do it. I need to do it as soon as poss but im not sure how.

[eightball61]

You need to just stop living in fear...Right now you are caring to much about his feelings....What about your feelings on doing the right thing? Breakingup with him doesn't mean that you don't care about him. You are doing something that YOU feel is right. You are not going to hold onto this relationship because you are thinking to much on how he feels. He will be more heart broken to find out you stayed with him because of that and thats why I said its only fair you just end it now rather than holding on.

[Rich]

Why are you so afraid of just being honest about your feelings? Don't go through life like that.

Just tell your BF the truth. Say that things aren't as smooth as it should be between a new couple. That you feel that your relationship is more work than it should be and that you would rather just break it off at this point before more time goes by.

That's all that you need to say.

And keep in mind that you can't live your life by what other people might or might not think, or how they might or might not react. We can't control people and all people react differently to certain things. Don't be afraid to break up and be happy because you don't want to lose a friendship.

If people don't want to be friends with you after receiving news that they don't agree with, then so be it. Do you want to remain friends with people that aren't mature or that can't handle other then good news? Why?

You've only been dating a month. How vested can you be? If you're not happy and are fighting quite a bit, then why be together? There's no gun to your head.

IMO, break it off and go find happiness somewhere else.

Rich

[Diablo]

Hey Princess,
There is no easy way to break up with someone. I can tell you that the longer you put it off, the more it will hurt him. The only real way to do it is just come out and say it. It will hurt him, but if you know you want out, then you have to do it; the sooner the better.

[sagg22]

He will be more heart broken to find out you stayed with him because of that and thats why I said its only fair you just end it now rather than holding on.


Nicely said 8ball. That is exactley what my first thought was. If you stay with your guy only because you are afraid to hurt him and don't know how to break it off, and stay in a relationship you don't care for, you will only hurt him more. You will hurt him every single day.
By the sound of it you know that this is going to end. Even if you don't get the guts to do it soon, this will never work with the way you are feeling and eventually he is going to figure it out.
There is only so much of what we feel that we can control. You can't make yourself care for someone, nor should you. Your feelings are yours and they are valid. You just need to tell him honestly what is going through your head and get out.
Your friends, if they are true friends, will not judge you for this. You are young, you are dating, people break up. End of story.
Get out there and have some fun. Try not to worry so much. Get it over with now before you just prolong the hurt and your own stress over this.
Sagg

[Princessstephie]

Thanks everyone. I am going to end it today when i see him. I know this is the right thing to do so i will do it. Thanks again. Princess stephie x-x-x :p

[eightball61]

Please keep us posted Princessstephie ;)

[Princessstephie]

I ended it last night. He didnt take the news too well but i dont think he will hate me for it as he knows it is for the best. Lets just see how things with the other guy develop. :)

[eightball61]

You did what was right....Now, you may want to think about taking things a little slower before you gt back to the dating scene. Personally I don't think it be a good idea to try to get with his younger brother with or without his knowledge. If you stll want to proceed it then wait sometime then talk to you ex about it. You dont want his brother going behind is back and then that ruins there relationship as brothers because one lied.

Try to figure out what you want next. This may only come naturally so so get impatient. A few things to think about is what direction you want to head in, do you want to keep a friendship with your ex., do you want to proceed with his brother, andwhen shall you be ready to date again? Start off wit these and see where it lead you. Please keep us updated on your progress and I wish you luck ;)

[Princessstephie]

I am not goign to go after his brother as i dont want to ruin any friendship that may still remain. He hasnt spoken to me all day, although im sure he will come round. I am just going to see how things go with my ex and see how he reacts before i get into another relationship.

[eightball61]

I am just going to see how things go with my ex and see how he reacts before i get into another relationship.


It will be hard for him to deal with but he will get over it within time. Give him the space he needs and allow yourself to have space also so you both can think things through and try to move on.

[Princessstephie]

Thank you everyone, He is talking to me now and i dont think he will mind me moving on as he knows that is the reason i finished with him. He is a pretty laid back guy. Thanks again

[eightball61]

Be friends as long as you both can seperate those past feeling. It will take sometime to do but if you both can seperate those feelings then you both will last as friends. What you don't want to get caught up in is being close again and end up being friends with benefits because someone will end up getting hurt even worse. I am only mentioning this before it falls into place if it did. If you also find that the relationship is not working out because the feelings are still there either for you or him then don't be afraid in saying something so you both can just split ways to get over it for a little bit. I have seen many times where the friendships never worked because both ex. partners didn't know how to seperate the past feelings.