Insecurity in the relationship

[cfbpunxsy]

Hi, I am new to this forum, I just registered yesterday so I would like to introduce myself. I always thought these things were a little quirky and that they were only for desperate people. I guess I'm finally desperate enough to consult a forum now though... I have been in my relationship for a little over six months with a guy named Kris. In the begginning it was much like a fairy tale.

When we started dating, Kris's friends didn't like me becasue Kris focused all his time on me and he didn't hang out with them as much. I want to say though that I never ever kept Kris from his friends. I like his friends...well, I did. They got jealous that I became his new best friend. Now, they encourage Kris to go spend guy time with them...thats fine, a relationship isn't healthy unless you spend time iwth your friends too...but when they are spending guy time with him, they are constantly telling him to break up with me so he can be free and single again.
When he comes home after spending time with them he isn't as close to me. He is distant and it seems like he doesn't care about me anymore.
Last month Matt (his best friend) came up with this brilliant idea that he and Kris could both break up with their gfs and then they could go out drinking and picking up one night stands every weekend. Kris broke up with me saying he needed more guy time and that he was going to college soon so he won't have time for me. It was so sudden and unexpected, so out of the blue that I was shocked...I bawled for hours...I didn't know what i'd done to make him want to leave me. Then I found out it was all Matt's doing...
I love Kris...but I feel like he is going to break up with me any random moment
I feel so insecure and I don't really know how to handle it. i have talked to him about this and he doesn't really get it...he doesn't care.
He always jokes around about breaking up with me when we are with his friends, but when we are alone I am his princess and he can't get enough of me.

I know the majority of this has to do with the fact that his friends donty like me, buty I have never done anything to them...how can I reconcile with his friends...and how can I deal with my insecurities?

[CalistaClap]

Kris has a mind of his own. He obviously is agreeing and wanting to do what they say. He isn't treating you like you should be treated. Who knows, he may be adding to their fire about you, but acting completey different to your face.

Let him go. You can never stop him from being around his friends. A desent b/f would stand up to his friends about you, and it would be end of subject.

He isn't doing this. This is prooving alot.

[eightball61]

I love Kris...but I feel like he is going to break up with me any random moment


Don't feel desperate on coming here. As you see through the boards there are many others out there that need to have outside opinion about a relationship like you. This is how I first started and then I got hooked on trying to help and guide others also. You are not desperate on coming here and no one will knock you for doing that. You are just being human like me and everyone else here.

I posted this quote at the top because I wanted to let you know that you insecurities are not your fault. You let him hang with these friends even though you knew how they acted. He got easily persuaded and broke up with you once because of them. He is the one that put the insecurities on by doing this. The only real way of easing this is if he works with you and not against you.

His friends allready has proven not to be real friends. He has to make a decision whether to keep you or them. He has to make this decision because they are ruining the relationship. Real friends are not suppose to have that persuasive act.....friends are suppose to support and protect other friends. You did the nice thing and giving them a chance. They now have ruined it and now he has to make his choice. If he chooses them then you'll know at that time on how important you and this relationship really is.

[Rich]

From what you write it sounds like you have your head on straight about some things about having and being in a relationship. Like the part of acknowledging that people still need time with their friends and having other interests. Most young girls don't have that mindset, so good on you.

It sounds like you're mature for your age and that you have a clue. Don't give up, get frustrated and change. You're on the right path.

Right now you're in that time in peoples lives that they experience the most change. Graduating High School, getting a car and enjoying the freedom that comes with becoming an adult.

Right now your BF isn't as mature as you and isn't thinking along your lines. His friends have a big influence over him and that's just a sign of his still being a child on some levels. Right now your relationship with him is going to end and one day he is going the think back to you and probably regret the choices that he made. But oh well.

My advice to you is to not change who you are. Not knowing how old you are, but assuming that you're about the same age, my advice is to go to college yourself and keep growing. You sound like you have a sold base (relationship knowledge wise) from which to grow from and I encourage you to keep meeting people and learning.

When you get older (mid to upper 20's) and meet a guy of the same minset and maturity level, it's my guess that you'll have a truly great relationship.

Right now you need to let your BF go so that he can go and experience what he needs to experience and to learn some life lessons. You probably don't want to hear that, but your relationship right now is a cage and he's yearning to be free. You might be the best zoo keeper around and take the best care of him, but he doesn't see you as such. His heart wants to get out and explore being adult and free, but right now he's cooped up.

You're gonna have to set him free and move on with your life. Not saying that you two can't come back together in the future, but I wouldn't count on that.

Good luck,

Rich