Skyfire
04-07-2010, 05:18 PM
First time poster. Looking for anonymous opinions. My apologies in advance that this is so long.
A little about us:
Her: A very successful woman (upper management position, 100k/yr job, most of her ideas have been moneymakers for her company) who I've known since high school. We dated for a few months, but the "chemistry" just wasn't there. We mutually decided that we were better off as friends and have been ever since. She's got two problems: One is that because she's so successful, she has a tendency of thinking that her opinion is the only opinion that matters, and has a tendency to treat disagreement with her opinion as if it were an attack on her character. Her other issue is her fidelity. She's in marriage #3, and the other two ended because of affairs on her part. This becomes important.
Him: A decent guy who owns his own business. They've been married for 2 years. He's got a jealous streak that I've always believed to be over the top -- he once got upset that his own brother had stopped by when he wasn't home. I do not know how much he knows of her past, but if he knows about her prior infidelity, I can't necessarily blame him entirely for being so jealous. Outside of that, a very nice guy who treats her well.
Me: I've never been one to hold anything back. If something needs to be said, I say it. I try not to sound mean, but if you're acting like a jackass, i tell you you're acting like a jackass. Of course, I also give an equal amount of praise when it's deserved as well. Needless to say, this has led to me and her getting into petty fights and not talking for sometimes weeks at a time over the stupidest things. After 20+ years, I'm used to it.
Now onto the story.....
We've known each other for over 20 years, and we know more about each other than our own families do. We've always been open and honest with each other about even the most intimate details of our lives. She's never shied away from telling me about anything, including her affairs, because she knows that I will not judge her even if I do not agree with her actions.
We're on AOL about a month ago. We spent the better part of an hour chatting about typical mundane stuff -- weather, health, work, kids, etc. Nothing at all out of the ordinary. My daughter wakes up from her afternoon nap crying, so I give a "BRB" so I can go attend to her for a few minutes.
I come back and that's when things started getting weird. We started having a conversation about gambling, and I told her I preferred Atlantic City over Vegas, simply because of the lower travel. She then started snapping about "Why do you have to be so down on everything? Can't you just enjoy something for once?"
"Huh?" I'm thinking. All I said was that I preferred one city over another. Couldn't see how this was being "Down on everything". But, wanting to avoid pointless argument #8934, I decided to just drop the subject.
So we move on, and a few minutes later, we're discussing housecleaning, or something to that effect. I mentioned that it was my day off and was simply too lazy to get up and get started. The conversation went like this:
Me: I'm just too lazy to get up and get started. Maybe with any luck, my wife will do it for me. :D
Her: Does the girl always have to do *everything*?
Me: Why yes! Yes she does! In fact, I kinda prefer it when she takes charge! ;)
Now there's obviously a ual undertone to that line. That's what I was going for. As I've said before, we've never held anything back from each other, and jokes like that were commonplace.
Her: Jesus Christ, do you have to constantly bring into the conversation?
We had been talking for the better part of an hour now, and this was my first reference to in any form.
Me: What the hell are you talking about? I made one joke.
Her: But that's all you ever do. Every time we talk, you bring up .
Me: That's bullshit and you know it. I made one joke. You talk just as dirty to me as I do to you, and right now you're in a bad mood for some reason, and I'm supposed to magically know this?
She instantaneously logs off. I haven't heard a word from her since. Now at first, I thought this was just yet another petty fight because she was in a bad mood, and she'd be back in a few days or a week as usual, so I blew it off. Usually after a week, we get back in touch and act as if nothing ever happened. We've been through this cycle a billion times.
A week passes. Nothing. Not much of a surprise. Two weeks, still nothing. Now I'm wondering. Was she really that pissed off? Did I say something that bad?
My wife comes to me one day and heard through the grapevine that there's "serious trouble" between the two, though we have no idea what that means. I know there have been arguments between the two because his business hasn't been going so well, but as far as I know, nothing serious. My wife thinks that maybe he saw the conversation we were having, took what we were saying out of context, and accused her of having an affair with me.
Looking at the big picture, I can see where this got blown out of proportion. Yes, he does have a jealous streak, but if he knows her history, he's also got legitimate reasons to be concerned. But if my wife is right, this wouldn't be the first time he's accused her of having an affair. And there's only so much one person can take before they explode. I know I certainly wouldn't like being repeatedly accused of sleeping around when I wasn't, even if I had a prior history. Once you throw in her tendencies to take everything as a personal attack, I could very easily see things exploding in that house over one line taken out of context.
So now I don't know what to do. If I knew this were just a petty argument, I wouldn't hesitate to make a phone call and just put the issue to rest. But if there really is serious trouble in their marriage, me calling her could very easily make matters much worse, and I certainly don't want to do that.
Now what? I don't want to see a 20 year friendship go down the tubes over a random petty argument (if that's what all of this is), but at the same time, I don't want to be even partially responsible for yet another failed marriage if there are issues between the two, especially if I was partially responsible for those issues in the first place.
Thanks for reading so much. Any feedback would be appreciated.
A little about us:
Her: A very successful woman (upper management position, 100k/yr job, most of her ideas have been moneymakers for her company) who I've known since high school. We dated for a few months, but the "chemistry" just wasn't there. We mutually decided that we were better off as friends and have been ever since. She's got two problems: One is that because she's so successful, she has a tendency of thinking that her opinion is the only opinion that matters, and has a tendency to treat disagreement with her opinion as if it were an attack on her character. Her other issue is her fidelity. She's in marriage #3, and the other two ended because of affairs on her part. This becomes important.
Him: A decent guy who owns his own business. They've been married for 2 years. He's got a jealous streak that I've always believed to be over the top -- he once got upset that his own brother had stopped by when he wasn't home. I do not know how much he knows of her past, but if he knows about her prior infidelity, I can't necessarily blame him entirely for being so jealous. Outside of that, a very nice guy who treats her well.
Me: I've never been one to hold anything back. If something needs to be said, I say it. I try not to sound mean, but if you're acting like a jackass, i tell you you're acting like a jackass. Of course, I also give an equal amount of praise when it's deserved as well. Needless to say, this has led to me and her getting into petty fights and not talking for sometimes weeks at a time over the stupidest things. After 20+ years, I'm used to it.
Now onto the story.....
We've known each other for over 20 years, and we know more about each other than our own families do. We've always been open and honest with each other about even the most intimate details of our lives. She's never shied away from telling me about anything, including her affairs, because she knows that I will not judge her even if I do not agree with her actions.
We're on AOL about a month ago. We spent the better part of an hour chatting about typical mundane stuff -- weather, health, work, kids, etc. Nothing at all out of the ordinary. My daughter wakes up from her afternoon nap crying, so I give a "BRB" so I can go attend to her for a few minutes.
I come back and that's when things started getting weird. We started having a conversation about gambling, and I told her I preferred Atlantic City over Vegas, simply because of the lower travel. She then started snapping about "Why do you have to be so down on everything? Can't you just enjoy something for once?"
"Huh?" I'm thinking. All I said was that I preferred one city over another. Couldn't see how this was being "Down on everything". But, wanting to avoid pointless argument #8934, I decided to just drop the subject.
So we move on, and a few minutes later, we're discussing housecleaning, or something to that effect. I mentioned that it was my day off and was simply too lazy to get up and get started. The conversation went like this:
Me: I'm just too lazy to get up and get started. Maybe with any luck, my wife will do it for me. :D
Her: Does the girl always have to do *everything*?
Me: Why yes! Yes she does! In fact, I kinda prefer it when she takes charge! ;)
Now there's obviously a ual undertone to that line. That's what I was going for. As I've said before, we've never held anything back from each other, and jokes like that were commonplace.
Her: Jesus Christ, do you have to constantly bring into the conversation?
We had been talking for the better part of an hour now, and this was my first reference to in any form.
Me: What the hell are you talking about? I made one joke.
Her: But that's all you ever do. Every time we talk, you bring up .
Me: That's bullshit and you know it. I made one joke. You talk just as dirty to me as I do to you, and right now you're in a bad mood for some reason, and I'm supposed to magically know this?
She instantaneously logs off. I haven't heard a word from her since. Now at first, I thought this was just yet another petty fight because she was in a bad mood, and she'd be back in a few days or a week as usual, so I blew it off. Usually after a week, we get back in touch and act as if nothing ever happened. We've been through this cycle a billion times.
A week passes. Nothing. Not much of a surprise. Two weeks, still nothing. Now I'm wondering. Was she really that pissed off? Did I say something that bad?
My wife comes to me one day and heard through the grapevine that there's "serious trouble" between the two, though we have no idea what that means. I know there have been arguments between the two because his business hasn't been going so well, but as far as I know, nothing serious. My wife thinks that maybe he saw the conversation we were having, took what we were saying out of context, and accused her of having an affair with me.
Looking at the big picture, I can see where this got blown out of proportion. Yes, he does have a jealous streak, but if he knows her history, he's also got legitimate reasons to be concerned. But if my wife is right, this wouldn't be the first time he's accused her of having an affair. And there's only so much one person can take before they explode. I know I certainly wouldn't like being repeatedly accused of sleeping around when I wasn't, even if I had a prior history. Once you throw in her tendencies to take everything as a personal attack, I could very easily see things exploding in that house over one line taken out of context.
So now I don't know what to do. If I knew this were just a petty argument, I wouldn't hesitate to make a phone call and just put the issue to rest. But if there really is serious trouble in their marriage, me calling her could very easily make matters much worse, and I certainly don't want to do that.
Now what? I don't want to see a 20 year friendship go down the tubes over a random petty argument (if that's what all of this is), but at the same time, I don't want to be even partially responsible for yet another failed marriage if there are issues between the two, especially if I was partially responsible for those issues in the first place.
Thanks for reading so much. Any feedback would be appreciated.