please give me your advice and oppinions

[heissoperfect]

ive not been on this site for ages! but id really appreciate your oppinions on this from a non biased view or whatever.

i have always been really close with my older sister, but ive always found in order to be friends with her i have to change my thoughts and oppinions to match hers or things turn in to arguments.
she flares up so easily and the littlist things i do upset her,
well we had a massive fall out at the beggining of december when i first got with my boyfriend. she always tells me how wrong it is that i see him so often, even though so was excatly the same with her boyfriend when they first got together, and how i dont phone her or text her as often. (we used to speak every day for about an hour on the phone) but now with college, driving lessons and my boyfriend it gets hard.
she says how much ive changed and when i go to visit her she almost gangs up on me with her husband saying how 'i should have done this' and 'its not right if i do this' i feel like i cant live my life how i want. annnyway, she wants me to visit her and stay at her house for the next 4 days, but if im honest i dont realy want to, i get 'told off' for texting my boyfriend and im sure i'll get a leture about why i shouldnt see him so much. i just really dont enjoy my sisters company anymore but i feel i have to go over and see her to keep the piece?
what should i do :S

i understand if you dont want to write back by the way, it is quite an essay :)

[eightball61]

You spent years impressing her to the point she uses you as the venting souce however now she doesnt have this place anymore it upsets her. Its good to have the tight bond but could rub off the wrong way if you express yourself. I feel you are doing great in trying to gain your indepence so keep it up.

[Girl]

Depends on what matters to you more: "keeping the peace" or retaining your own peace of mind.

[LovingMyFlump]

My sister is the exact same so I do feel your pain.....

The way I got my sister to start listening was to sit her down on her own(without her husband there) and tell he that you need to speak to her and that you want her to listen and not respond until you are done, tell her that you will listen to what she has to say once she has listened to you. Then lay all your cards on the table tell her that it is your life and you understand that she is looking out for you but just because she thinks she knows what is best doesnt mean that she does. You will take her opinions on board but at the end of the day it is your life and you will live it how you want. Tell her that her opinions are going to cause problems with your relationship in future if she continues to lecture you and be over opinionated (i dont know if thats a word).

Every time my sister interrupted what i was saying I just didnt react or say a word on a few occasions I walked away but eventually she did listen. And now when shes getting too pushy I simply say "my life my rules" and she will back off. I now only get advice when I ask for it.

If I was you I would go and stay with her and have this talk on the 1st day and see how it goes from there.

Hope this helps.

D :)

[Diablo]

"my life my rules" and she will back off.

The sister can trump that with, "my house, my rules". She can use it when she's elsewhere, but if she's at her sister's house, she has to go by her rules. I agree with Girl. It's a choice between keeping the peace or her peace of mind; however, it's just a four day visit. Four days of a bad situation could be worth it if it'll keep the peace, but much longer than that and I'd be spending the time elsewhere if it were me.