The Past Is Problematic

[CrushedVelvet]

I've done a few things in my past that I'm not proud of and they're slowly crushing the realtionship that I have now with my boyfriend. We live miles away and when we fight over silly things, there's no warm and fuzzy to be had from a hug or a kiss when we make up.

The biggest issue we have right now is that, I'm not a virgin. The fact that he is less expeirenced makes him lash out at me and we get into arguements over it. I don't know if it's because he feels he's less of a man for it, if he finds me nasty, if there's anything I can do about it or if it's something that he has to work out on his own?

[smackie9]

He's jealous and immature. Everyone has a past, that's a given when you date anyone. It's just part of life most of us do accept. Your relationship is off to a bad start...it's not looking good because he isn't gonna get over it anytime soon. Why stay with someone that punishes you for how you lived your life before you even met. He's acting like you were cheating on him...that's just dumb. Tell him good luck in finding a virgin.

[Girl]

He's less of a man alright, and it has nothing to do with his virginity. It's that he can't handle the fact that you have a past and he doesn't. He's with you now, and he is incapable of seeing the past for what it is, so let him mature in singledom.

[veronaqueen]

He needs to realize that he can't punish you or make you feel guilty for having previous relationships/. It sounds like he's insecure about the fact that he's less experienced than you, but if he's a virgin now it could be his fear of letting you down the first time you two have that's making him freak out.

If you can, calmly explain to him that your past is your past, and nothing can change that. Fighting with him over something you can't change won't solve anything and will only crush you two more. Make sure he knows that all that matters to you is that you're with him now and you want to have a great relationship with him: no secrets, no lies, no guilt for things you've done in the past. Remember: if you haven't done anything bad to him in the past, then he can't make you feel guilty about them!

If you feel like you've lost that warm and fuzzy feeling, you may be headed for the end. If he's unable to accept you, as you are and with a past that doesn't include him, then he might not be the right guy for you. Don't worry if that's the case: there is someone out there who will accept you as you are.