Stupid Question... enjoying being single? [Archive]

radar

04-21-2005, 04:19 AM

Geez I don't know how to phrase this question. I'm a guy. 30yo. I've been in every type of relationship possible including the marriage type. I do the dating thing. When I was younger I felt as though I could share my feelings completely with someone. Now I feel as though there's too much; ...I suppose you could call it baggage. Like I don't want to think about my feelings very much, much less share them with someone else. Nothing I tell people these days even approaches the truth about me. It's all very much like a veneer. I realize that this is sort of a problem, but I don't know what to do about it. I can be friends with someone if they don't try to um... breach that inner sanctum. Actually, I have a girlfriend, but (and I don't mean this to insult anyone) she's very blonde. Being with her is very mindless, like watching TV, or playing video games. I think the reason that I'm with her is just that she doesn't pry at my feelings or my past. We don't actually have anything in common. I can't really pinpoint any one event to attribute my way of life to, it's more like a slow erosion of feelings combined with a thought that the world is becoming crazier and crueler every day. I figure that it would take someone extremely special to get me to open up, but if that's not forthcoming then I'd be happier growing old alone, getting a dog. It seems like a crime, somehow, a waste of human potential to NOT be a part of some sort of pair bond, but it happens, yes? I had a great Aunt who never married. She seemed happy, albiet a bit crazy. I think I'd much prefer being alone to being with someone and always trying to solidify some sort of emotional closeness. Is that crazy? Unhealthy? Or does it just happen? :o Just thinking aloud. -Radar

eightball61

04-21-2005, 10:56 AM

What you are preaching here is a personal belief. We all have different view on what we need or want in a partner. You currently have a girlfriend and you like her for who she is but nothing more. You surely aren't ready to merry yet so you are just simply treading water to find that person that you don't have to have emotional closeness to. I am sure there is one out there for you but its probably going to take a little longer looking for someone like that than it would be to find someone that likes to have the closeness....It doesn't matter right now because you seem to be ok with where you are. My suggestion is just stick with you with your blond until you are ready o move on. The goal here is to date around until you find that special someone that matches you.....Soooo no, i don't think you are crazy for having these thoughts.

Rich

04-21-2005, 03:05 PM

Hey, sometimes some people just prefer to be alone for exactly the reasons and feelings that you stated.

To each his own. It comes down to what one wants in life. If there is no desire to have children and a family, then there's no driving force.

Some people like the freedom of being on their own and doing what they want, when they want. If there's no deep desire for constant companionship and a person can be happy on their own and with who they are, then there's nothing wrong with that.

If there's no desire or need for a constant source of , but just a feeling of taking whatever comes along, when it comes along...then there's nothing wrong with being single and going that route.

The only time that most people regret being alone is typically around the holidays. But if you have family that you can visit and little nieces and nephews to spend time with, then that can often times be enough.

Again, it all comes down to the individual and what they want in and out of life. Right now this works for you. Your feelings put you in this position right now and there's nothing wrong with it. It's how you feel and there's no need on your part to feel that it's wrong or that there's something wrong with you. Don't feel guilty that you feel this way.

Enjoy your life. Enjoy being you. Be happy. Actually, if you live your life like you want and present a happy and content exterior to the world, it's my guess that you'll probably attract a like minded soul that you'll click with.

Go with it and get the experience out of it that your soul is looking for you to get. There's a life lesson here for you somewhere. After awhile you'll get a feel for what you truly want and need out of life. Go with your true feelings on things.

Enjoy,

Rich

Howard

04-21-2005, 07:38 PM

I prefer being with someone and someone that I can grow old with me.I need that emotional closeness.And I also need the bond that helps us stick together through thick and thin.

Diablo

04-21-2005, 10:49 PM

Radar,
Speaking as someone who is 43 and has never married; your veeneer is normal and most people have one. With me, it's not that I don't want to share my feelings, it's that I don't want to share them with people who don't care and don't understand. What's the point of talking about anything to people like that? I do think that if you find a girl who's on your wavelength, that could suddenly change a lot; however, the further away from average you are, the fewer compatible people are out there. As for being single; the loneliness gets to me sometimes, but the freedom is great.

radar

04-22-2005, 02:31 AM

Suddenly I don't feel so crazy.

:D

The blonde and I have been "together" for around 6 months now, and neither of us has mentioned the "L" word, so I think we both know it's a temporary thing.

That's hard to find... the fact that I don't want kids has been the downfall of a few of my relationships, and it's a huge turnoff to most young women. When I do find a woman who doesn't want a LTR, or kids I feel a bit like a gigilo, but I guess that's no too far from the truth at times...

I really do enjoy my freedom, but I think when I get my next apartment I'm going to move someplace I'm allowed to have a dog ...so I can get a dog.

Rich, I hope you are right about attracting a like-minded soul.

Hey, I just had a good idea! Gotta go. ~thanks~
-R.

eightball61

04-22-2005, 11:08 AM

Radar, the women that you are with now may be the women for you. You both are alike in so many ways as you describe more about her. This could be the relationship that you are looking for. You have you own goals and insight to your life you want someone that will be the same and not have to change any of them. Don't feel crazy for the way you are because its very normal to have personal insights.

Rich

04-22-2005, 02:52 PM

IMO, to find a women who is like minded as you, you're going to have to get out and do things that most free, independent and single folks do.

I would think that hiking, backpacking, kayaking and most of the outdoor stuff is where you'll find women like you.

Most people that aren't tied down are always traveling. There's something else to consider.

BTW. Puppies and dogs are chick magnets when you take them to the park.

Good luck.

Rich

radar

04-22-2005, 06:54 PM

BTW. Puppies and dogs are chick magnets when you take them to the park.

Rich

LOL Don't I know it! I used to live in Pittsburgh, which has a few very active dog parks. I had this gorgeous german shepard mix. I met one girl who I had one of those "instant bonds" with. We'd sit on the park bench and talk for hours while our dogs played. Unfortunately we were both married at the time! Now my ex-wife has the dog... This is all ancient history, mind you.

Sorry it's also very, very OT.

However, dogs can give you the same kind of unconditional love that you'd expect from kids or family or mates without any real "drawbacks." (except maybe dog breath, and 3am walks in the snow)

If I don't intend to select a human companion, I really should get another dog.

-Radar

Diablo

04-22-2005, 07:00 PM

Another chick magnet is a wedding ring on your finger. No. You didn't actually read that. Go on to the next post.

eightball61

04-22-2005, 07:16 PM

Another chick magnet is a wedding ring on your finger. No. You didn't actually read that. Go on to the next post.

another chick magnet could be having a baby so maybe you should look into adopting one :p

Howard

04-22-2005, 07:49 PM

another chick magnet could be having a baby so maybe you should look into adopting one :p

Robin doesn't want babies.I'm trying to convince her to want a child.

Howard

04-22-2005, 07:51 PM

Another chick magnet is a wedding ring on your finger. No. You didn't actually read that. Go on to the next post.

getting married is the least of my worries right now.

Howard

04-22-2005, 07:52 PM

I guess being single has it's ups and downs.When you're single you get to have all the o you want! :D

Diablo

04-23-2005, 01:20 AM

getting married is the least of my worries right now.

Who said you had to? Just buy a ring from a pawn shop; the ladies won't know the difference. Just don't start an LTR with a lady who's turned on by wedding rings. ;)

Diablo

04-23-2005, 06:45 PM

getting married is the least of my worries right now.

If you aren't concerned about marriage, why are you trying to convince Robin to have a baby? Word up, figure out what you want. How's Robin supposed to decide anything if you're flip floppin' on things?

Howard

04-24-2005, 12:34 AM

Who said you had to? Just buy a ring from a pawn shop; the ladies won't know the difference. Just don't start an LTR with a lady who's turned on by wedding rings. ;)

Diablo,I can't even afford shit(sorry about my foul language)right now.We were in the Diamond District when we were in Manhattan browsing around about a couple of weeks ago and the guy thought we were a couple engaging in a marriage and I asked him how much and he said"$2,500-$5,000". :eek: and then I said to Robin"talk to me in a couple of years and we'll discuss this again". :rolleyes:

Howard

04-24-2005, 12:41 AM

If you aren't concerned about marriage, why are you trying to convince Robin to have a baby? Word up, figure out what you want. How's Robin supposed to decide anything if you're flip floppin' on things?

I would like to have a baby.It's a beautiful thing.I can't pressure into anything she doesn't want to do so I'll stop doing that.

She doesn't want ANY children but she knows that she wants marriage but then I told her when we both get our lives together and start to better ourselves.I know in my own heart that I had found the right girl for my soulmate and read it in the horoscopes but I know myself for a fact that marriage is a difficult process and that it takes time and effort to get everything together. :)

Diablo

04-24-2005, 01:22 AM

A baby is also a hell of an expensive thing that changes your life permanently. I'd wait on that if I were you.

eightball61

04-24-2005, 03:34 AM

I asked him how much and he said"$2,500-$5,000". :eek:

Its like looking for a job Howard....You need to brouse around. I have done my pricing out also and there are cheaper rings out there. You could go to Wally world and pick on up there for $500-$800 but I really think before you go doing that you need your get your priorities set in your life first....just my opinion.

radar

04-24-2005, 06:46 AM

Another chick magnet is a wedding ring on your finger. No. You didn't actually read that. Go on to the next post.

Good point, D.

Another another chick magnet is being in a fun, healthy relationship with a female. Other women see you being cool with another woman, having genuine friendship and it's like their eyes light up and they get fixated on having that same friendship for themselves.

Being able to give very good fashion advice is also a chick magnet.

:cool:

radar

04-24-2005, 06:51 AM

Diablo,I can't even afford shit(sorry about my foul language)right now.We were in the Diamond District when we were in Manhattan browsing around about a couple of weeks ago and the guy thought we were a couple engaging in a marriage and I asked him how much and he said"$2,500-$5,000". :eek: and then I said to Robin"talk to me in a couple of years and we'll discuss this again". :rolleyes:

Diamond are evil.... :mad:

This is where me and my ex got our wedding bands. Awesome handcrafted sh!t at excellent prices!!!

http://weddingrings.artifact.co.nz/

Seriously. Titanium is like wearing a second skin.

Handcrafted in New Zealand, you can't getmore romantic than that. You have to pay, like 12% duty tax on gold though...

-Radar

Rich

04-25-2005, 06:14 PM

A few posts back someone had mentioned about checking out all the o you want when you're single. I say get into a great relationship and have all the GREAT that you want. :-)

Diablo

04-25-2005, 08:08 PM

True Rich, but people can't jump into a relationship in a hurry just because they're alone. Single people should take their time, shop around and date people for a good while before moving into something heavy.
Most of the problems people have in relationships are rooted in people jumping into them too fast.

Howard

04-25-2005, 10:49 PM

Its like looking for a job Howard....You need to brouse around. I have done my pricing out also and there are cheaper rings out there. You could go to Wally world and pick on up there for $500-$800 but I really think before you go doing that you need your get your priorities set in your life first....just my opinion.

I really need to know what's important in my life right now and to set my priorities straight and to get my life back together.Thanks 8Ball. ;)

Howard

04-25-2005, 10:51 PM

A baby is also a hell of an expensive thing that changes your life permanently. I'd wait on that if I were you.

like I said before,she doesn't want to concieve a child at all.

Howard

04-25-2005, 10:52 PM

A few posts back someone had mentioned about checking out all the o you want when you're single. I say get into a great relationship and have all the GREAT that you want. :-)

o is better than ! :D

eightball61

04-26-2005, 10:48 AM

o is better than ! :D

Howard, how do you know that when you never had ?

Rich

04-26-2005, 12:46 PM

I agree 8 ball

eightball61

04-26-2005, 01:29 PM

Rich, I remember when I was a virgin(back in my teens) I though was the greatest thing. Then I had , and I just couldn't stop after that :D Then again I only had two partners but both partners have been have very active so I have no complaints;)

Howard

04-26-2005, 09:24 PM

Howard, how do you know that when you never had ?

I just like watching people having on TV.That's all. :D ;)

Howard

04-26-2005, 09:25 PM

eightball61

04-26-2005, 09:36 PM

I never bounced around from partner to partner and I am proud to admit that........ ;) So "yes" I had a lot of but only concentrated to two partners only.

bdtraders

04-26-2005, 09:40 PM

i unfortunatly bounced around from puppet to puppet, and it does get old.

But when you find that special someone you will know it, cause it wont matter that much anymore. I have found a woman that is so intune with me ually that its unbelivable, now to just work out the other quirks of the relationship, but all in do time.

think with your brain and heart and not with your and you will be fine.

eightball61

04-26-2005, 09:44 PM

i unfortunatly bounced around from puppet to puppet, and it does get old.

.

As long as you had fun and kept clean then I see no harm done....

bdtraders

04-26-2005, 09:48 PM

eightball61

04-26-2005, 09:51 PM

Don't forget you can have a win/win situation by having all the you want with the one you love. :D

SALly

04-26-2005, 09:53 PM

of course, had to stay clean and protected, plus responsible, plus it got it out of the system,

Im ready for the settle down and normal life. is great but it will NEVER replace the love of a good woman
I still want the hot ...... but that's right this minute. Tomorrow or even later today.. could be different!!!!

SALly

04-26-2005, 09:54 PM

Don't forget you can have a win/win situation by having all the you want with the one you love. :D
In your dreams...... :p

eightball61

04-26-2005, 09:59 PM

In your dreams...... :p

I am having all the I want with my love..... so it is possible.

Howard

04-26-2005, 10:23 PM

I wonder what's preventing me from having ?

motivation?
privacy?

:confused:

Howard

04-26-2005, 10:23 PM

I am having all the I want with my love..... so it is possible.

you lucky dog.

Howard

04-26-2005, 10:25 PM

I still want the hot ...... but that's right this minute. Tomorrow or even later today.. could be different!!!!

I'm more than ready to have .I got the s,the playtoy,the mood music.Now,all I need is some romantic dinner.How about if I go out for Subway? :D

Howard

04-26-2005, 10:26 PM

I never bounced around from partner to partner and I am proud to admit that........ ;) So "yes" I had a lot of but only concentrated to two partners only.

2 partners? :eek: What are you a machine? :D

SALly

04-26-2005, 11:10 PM

I am having all the I want with my love..... so it is possible.
Talk to me in 10 years hun!!!! We'll see what's going on then! :p

eightball61

04-27-2005, 12:52 AM

Talk to me in 10 years hun!!!! We'll see what's going on then! :p

I'll still be around....the question is "will you still be around"?

Diablo

04-27-2005, 02:23 AM

That's not what she meant Eightball, but your statement that you can have with the one you love reminds me of a joke.

A man took his young son to the pharmacy and the kid asked why condems came in different size packages.

"Well, those three packs are for when you're in high school. One for Tuesday, one for Thursday and one for Saturday. The seven packs are for college students, one for every day of the week."

"Okay daddy," said the kid, "what about the boxes of a dozen?"

"Oh. Those are for when you're married. One for January, one for February...."

eightball61

04-27-2005, 11:32 AM

I missed something then :confused: not in the joke though because I did get that :D

SALly

04-27-2005, 12:35 PM

inquisitive

04-27-2005, 02:26 PM

Once a month? No, that's just not right lol.

Howard

04-27-2005, 09:32 PM

I'm just gonna have with Robin and nobody else.I mean from this AIDS seminar I got free s,A dental dam,and A female .Hey,I got a party and I'm so ready! :D Let's do it!

Howard

04-27-2005, 09:34 PM

I mean,the problem is how long can one person stay single without being in a relationship? :confused:

SALly

04-27-2005, 10:16 PM

I mean,the problem is how long can one person stay single without being in a relationship? :confused:
Some people stay single their whole lives.

Howard

04-28-2005, 07:58 PM

Some people stay single their whole lives.

Well then those people don't know what they're missing.

I want a girl to grow old with me and to spend plenty of time with.sort of like a lifetime companion. :)

Diablo

04-29-2005, 09:31 PM

It gets harder to find a good woman after a while Howard. There's a word for good women over 30 and that word is taken.

SALly

04-29-2005, 09:34 PM

Just like the word for sweet, nice men......

Diablo

04-30-2005, 08:46 PM

Not true with all of them, but they can't get any play from women because women interpret niceness as weakness.

Howard

04-30-2005, 10:29 PM

It gets harder to find a good woman after a while Howard. There's a word for good women over 30 and that word is taken.

I'm 31 years old and right now I'm not committed.I want to start dating first for a couple of years before stepping into the deep waters(so to speak).

Howard

04-30-2005, 10:30 PM

Just like the word for sweet, nice men......

What about men? :confused:

Diablo

05-01-2005, 04:42 AM

I'm 31 years old and right now I'm not committed.I want to start dating first for a couple of years before stepping into the deep waters(so to speak).

You need to be off of disability before going into deep waters anyway. If you propose to a woman while you're on disability, she'll cut you off regardless of what her feelings for you are. You need to forget about women for a while and come up with a way to make some flippin' money.

eightball61

05-01-2005, 11:59 AM

You need to be off of disability before going into deep waters anyway. If you propose to a woman while you're on disability, she'll cut you off regardless of what her feelings for you are. You need to forget about women for a while and come up with a way to make some flippin' money.

Agreed...

I never could have found a better way to word this myself. Howard, this is not a knock on you. Its simply a reminder to get your prsonal life together before you jump to other things like marriage.

SALly

05-01-2005, 12:02 PM

Agreed...

I never could have found a better way to word this myself. Howard, this is not a knock on you. Its simply a reminder to get your prsonal life together before you jump to other things like marriage.
Again...agree here too. Maybe a little less time playing on the computer and a little more time working on some work skills would be helpful Howard.

Diablo

05-02-2005, 02:08 AM

Hell Howard, you don't even have to work for someone else. In 1983, I found myself out of work and started knocking on doors with nothing but the intention of mowing people's lawns with their mowers. In '84 I had a car, an employee, and all sorts of landscapping equipment; all paid for by the yardwork. I don't know how safe it is to knock on stranger's doors in New York, but you could probably take your check and buy a cheap mower and an ad in the service directory in the newspaper. You also need a car to make it work, but it's one that can work because of how reluctant many people are to mow their lawns. Okay, I should clarify that you can do it with nothing; however, you can knock on doors all day and not get a job and maybe get one or two another day. Once you have the car, mower and ads out, it'll go from one or to a day to 9 to 12 lawns on an average day. So you want to try to start out with everything you'll need and ads.

Howard

05-02-2005, 09:51 PM

You need to be off of disability before going into deep waters anyway. If you propose to a woman while you're on disability, she'll cut you off regardless of what her feelings for you are. You need to forget about women for a while and come up with a way to make some flippin' money.

No.I can't do that Diablo.She loves me no matter what but unfortunately,she has some issues to work out with me.I can't forget about women.Sorry,just won't happen. :mad:

Howard

05-02-2005, 09:53 PM

Agreed...

I never could have found a better way to word this myself. Howard, this is not a knock on you. Its simply a reminder to get your prsonal life together before you jump to other things like marriage.

But,I'm telling you,I'm not thinking about marriage right now. :(

Howard

05-02-2005, 09:54 PM

Again...agree here too. Maybe a little less time playing on the computer and a little more time working on some work skills would be helpful Howard.

You got a point there Sally.Thank You. :)

eightball61

05-02-2005, 10:09 PM

But,I'm telling you,I'm not thinking about marriage right now. :(

We know that Howard...What we are trying to tell you is spend less time on your leisure activities and and spend more time doing things you need to get done like going out to get a job......

Howard

05-02-2005, 10:13 PM

We know that Howard...What we are trying to tell you is spend less time on your relazing activities and and spend more time doing things you need to get done like going out to get a job......

Oh Ok,I see what your getting at.I was worried for a second there.I jumped to conclusions.

Diablo

05-03-2005, 02:41 AM

No.I can't do that Diablo.She loves me no matter what but unfortunately,she has some issues to work out with me.I can't forget about women.Sorry,just won't happen. :mad:

Well good luck with it. Most guys on disability don't get much play from women. What about starting some sort of business? You get SSI and live at home, so you should be able to come up with something you can start on a shoestring.

Howard

05-03-2005, 09:50 PM

Well good luck with it. Most guys on disability don't get much play from women. What about starting some sort of business? You get SSI and live at home, so you should be able to come up with something you can start on a shoestring.

So,you think I won't be able to get any? Is that what you're saying? :confused: Well,I'll prove you wrong! I'll get as much of her as I want.It won't be long now before the clothes come off.I hope? :(

starting my own business? I'll keep that in mind Diablo.Thanks.

eightball61

05-03-2005, 10:01 PM

Howard

05-04-2005, 09:39 PM

Howard, the only time you want her cloths to come off is when its meaningful. She sounds like she may be a hard catch based on descriptions you have gave us about her. Take you time because you have other things to worry about like landing a job.

yeah Thanks eightball.I'm just a . :D I have such an insatiable desire to get her but you are right that I should focus on getting my life back together before wanting to do the"wild thing"with her.