Ariselle
04-13-2010, 12:19 AM
My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years. It's a long distance relationship. This is hard on him, I know. I've gotten used to it, although it is still very hard. He has pushed the issue of me moving closer to him (in fact, running away from life here). I was given a deadline to purchase airplane tickets and he told me to mail my belongings to him. The deadline is today, and I've hesitated since there are many things tying me here. My family, job, etc are all here. I feel pushed into this and I really don't want to abandon things. I'm afraid he will break up with me if I do not do as he asks, and also cheat on me (these are well-founded fears).
I am afraid my family would never speak to me again if I just up and disappeared one day... He is insisting that I don't love him if I don't do this, and that this is the true test if I want to be with him or not. I really don't know what to do.
I've been pushed into things in the past (pictures I wish did not exist of me) for the threat of breaking up. The pressure combined with other stress in my life has been giving me anxiety attacks.
I'm so tired of this. How do I deal with it?
He has always been a bit demanding. He can't live closer to me because he takes care of his grandmother (and I respect this). We have talked about this but it's always with the tone of how I must change my life. I don't really want to lose him. To be honest, I feel pretty ruined for anyone else because of all the time spent and the pictures he has, and the knowledge of me. I also have come to depend on his approval to an extent. Sometimes I feel very crushed with pressure...he keeps tabs on me a lot of the time (if I don't reply to a call or text or instant message within a certain time, he'll start calling / texting / messaging as if in a panic, thinking I am ignoring him).
I have looked for a job, but it is hard to do as I am having trouble finishing my master's degree (I am very close). To him, I won't ever finish it and he has made things very difficult. ("you care about that more than me" " you love yourself more than anything") he would like for me to throw away the work and go there. He says an option is to work on it there, but my research is owned by the university here, so it would almost be starting over anyway (and making a lot of people mad for abandoning it).
I am afraid if I go there, the following will happen: 1. Lose contact with my family 2. I'll have trouble finding a job 3. I'll lose my masters research and all of the work 4. I'll end up supporting him to go to school (which is okay) and then he'll have it over my head that I "wouldn't" finish...while I'll probably have to "help" with the work (I try to help him with homework now, but I end up doing it all while he plays videogames and complains about how burned out he is...and he claims I just help).
He has been sending me texts all day about how he feels like I don't want him since there's no e-mail of itinerary in his inbox.
Sigh...
I can see how he is frustrated by having a long distance relationship...I sympathize...but I feel so pressured.
I am afraid my family would never speak to me again if I just up and disappeared one day... He is insisting that I don't love him if I don't do this, and that this is the true test if I want to be with him or not. I really don't know what to do.
I've been pushed into things in the past (pictures I wish did not exist of me) for the threat of breaking up. The pressure combined with other stress in my life has been giving me anxiety attacks.
I'm so tired of this. How do I deal with it?
He has always been a bit demanding. He can't live closer to me because he takes care of his grandmother (and I respect this). We have talked about this but it's always with the tone of how I must change my life. I don't really want to lose him. To be honest, I feel pretty ruined for anyone else because of all the time spent and the pictures he has, and the knowledge of me. I also have come to depend on his approval to an extent. Sometimes I feel very crushed with pressure...he keeps tabs on me a lot of the time (if I don't reply to a call or text or instant message within a certain time, he'll start calling / texting / messaging as if in a panic, thinking I am ignoring him).
I have looked for a job, but it is hard to do as I am having trouble finishing my master's degree (I am very close). To him, I won't ever finish it and he has made things very difficult. ("you care about that more than me" " you love yourself more than anything") he would like for me to throw away the work and go there. He says an option is to work on it there, but my research is owned by the university here, so it would almost be starting over anyway (and making a lot of people mad for abandoning it).
I am afraid if I go there, the following will happen: 1. Lose contact with my family 2. I'll have trouble finding a job 3. I'll lose my masters research and all of the work 4. I'll end up supporting him to go to school (which is okay) and then he'll have it over my head that I "wouldn't" finish...while I'll probably have to "help" with the work (I try to help him with homework now, but I end up doing it all while he plays videogames and complains about how burned out he is...and he claims I just help).
He has been sending me texts all day about how he feels like I don't want him since there's no e-mail of itinerary in his inbox.
Sigh...
I can see how he is frustrated by having a long distance relationship...I sympathize...but I feel so pressured.