Word of Encouragement

[eightball61]

I been feeling down today.........This has nothing to do with relationships....its about my current job. As some of you know I work for a disability insurence as my regular full-time job. In my position I take calls from people that need to start disability claims for whatever reason.

I have witnessed it all from broken legs, heart attacks, deaths, suicide, ect. Today though seems different for me. I got a call from a lady this morning and she just lost her husband to death. She also lost her son in Iraq about a month ago and her daughter is currently in the hospital in critical care for something. I spoke to this women for a good 1/2 an hour because she had no one else to talk to. I felt part of the situation and I just wanted to grabbed her and say it will be ok but I couldn't :(

This really saddened me because it made me realize how short life can really be. My biggest fear has always been death and I hate thinking or talking about it. I just don't find it fair that we are born and then we die. We spend a life to work on something that will just end up getting lost once we die. :confused:

I am venting out my emotions right now because I am hoping it will make me feel better. I don't expect much from this since there is no general question to the post. I just wanted to vent my thoughts to you all since you all have been so kind to me. I do really enjoy it here and I consider you all friends of mine. Even though we only link through a data base to talk everyday it has been a pleasure and it seems like I have known a few of you for a long time.

Thank you for taking the time to read this

8ball

[sagg22]

I know what you are saying 8ball. Death has always been one of the things that has scared me the most. Not so much the fear of dying myself, the pain of dying, wondering if life goes on after death, etc. Thats not the scariest stuff to me.
What scares me is the fragility of a human life. How quickly people can taken out of it. Without warning, even with warning, it is the hardest thing for the human mind and heart to deal with. :(
I see life as a collection of moments. I am a person that lets myself get caught up in moments. Not in a bad or negative way. But, the threesome for example. Is it something that can hurt me? Of course. My heart is in the hands of 2 other people. And it's a non-typical relationship that makes the dynamics interesting and difficult at times. But when I am with them, that feeling I have. The intensity and the passion in the moments that we are together. That is life right there. That is what life is about. Collecting and holding onto the moments, with the ones you love.
That was sort of a random addition to what we were talking about. Don't know if it really applies and ties in in anyone else's mind but mine. Sorry.
You are a very caring person, 8ball, and thats so sweet that that womens story affected you. It's hard to hear other peoples pains. I am with you on that.
Sagg

[SALly]

Aww hun, you are so sweet! You did a great thing talking with her! You should feel good that you realized she needed to talk and you talked to her. You're a very special person. I hope we are always friends.

[eightball61]

What scares me is the fragility of a human life.


That scares me also....I catch myself wondering every day if I am going to die driving, walking down the stair wrong, or even choking on food. Shit happens and I understand that but I can't seem to accept the fact that I will be dieing and I don't know when. I guess I am better off not to know when because if I had a dealine then I would just end my life.

I want to make the point across that I am not depressed about it nor does it make me suicidal. We all have things that bother us and this is something that bothers me. I try hard not to focus on it but death is every wheres. Once in a while I go through these little spells(like today) where I just feel like life is useless because we are all going to die one day.

This topic can be very touchy to some people and I apologize for my thoughts but I am just expressing myself right now.....This women that I talked to early can't just leave my head thinking about what she must be going through. I tried putting myself in her shoes and I just can't. I don't know what I would do if my partner just died along with my children also. Its like her whole life was taken from her in one month. She work her whole life to establish a family and its gone with a snap of a finger. :(

I know her case is not the only case and this does happen a lot worldwide but I can't begin to imagine the pain she must be going through along with others. I just wish there was something that I could do because I love helping people and in this case the only thing I could help her out with was putting a disability claim in for depression :(

It really hit me hard then and still making my eyes water thinking about it. I am out of work soon and I plan to go have dinner with my GF and then going home to rest. I am hoping I can shake this off and be ok for tomorrow......sagg22 I want to thank you for the kind words...They mean a lot to me right now ;)

[eightball61]

You should feel good that you realized she needed to talk and you talked to her.


I do feel good that I was able to talk to her. Even though I had tears in my eyes it felt really good to allow this women to talk to someone since she had no one to talk to. I told her a the beginning that the claim would take 5-7 minutes to gather the info and by the end is was just over a half-an-hour. She apologized for it taking so long but she did feel better talking with someone. I told her anytime she needs to talk to someone that we will always be there for her...She then said "thank you & have a bless day". This women was so kind and I just couldn't understand why all this happened to her at the same time.

[bdtraders]

8ball you are a great guy. I read all your posts even though I may not reply to some i normally agree with you.

You and are alot alike in our relationships and in our selves. In one post you said you have part woman in you, so do I. I was raised without a father and i was raised by the women in my family, my aunt and my grandmother and when seh could find time my mother.
Im 32 years old a a straight man but also in touch with my feminine side, i have down everything from flower arrangments to cross stich.

My point is that like you we all need to at times just take the time to care a little bit more about someone else. Alot of people do nice things for strangers but do they actually stop and treat them like a human, for instance my fiance will from time to time go buy milk and cereal for homeless guys near the supermarket we shop at, one time when i was with her she gave the guys the stuff and went back inside to buy them a loaf of bread and meat also, as i stood there they thanked me and i said it was no big deal, I felt a bit awkward like they were gonna ruin my style (lol i have no style). Finally after a couple minutes of silence i asked the guys their names and where they were from. We started chatting it up and come to find out one of the guys used to be succesful until it all collpased on him, he showed me pics of his family before he hit rock bottom, and he was clean shaven and had a damn good looking wife and kids. We chatted fro about 15 minutes till she came out. They said thanks and I shook their hands, (she looked at me weird). One of the guys started to cry and she asked whats wrong and he said it had been so long since someone acted like they "really" cared, asking personal stuff.
We all have problems and as much as we think are problems are huge theres always someone who has it a little worse off then us, lets never forget that.

Cheers to you 8ball for making someone smile and removing some of the dark clouds over someones life.

[eightball61]

8ball you are a great guy. I read all your posts even though I may not reply to some i normally agree with you.

You and are alot alike in our relationships and in our selves. In one post you said you have part woman in you, so do I. I was raised without a father and i was raised by the women in my family, my aunt and my grandmother and when seh could find time my mother.
Im 32 years old a a straight man but also in touch with my feminine side, i have down everything from flower arrangments to cross stich.

My point is that like you we all need to at times just take the time to care a little bit more about someone else. Alot of people do nice things for strangers but do they actually stop and treat them like a human, for instance my fiance will from time to time go buy milk and cereal for homeless guys near the supermarket we shop at, one time when i was with her she gave the guys the stuff and went back inside to buy them a loaf of bread and meat also, as i stood there they thanked me and i said it was no big deal, I felt a bit awkward like they were gonna ruin my style (lol i have no style). Finally after a couple minutes of silence i asked the guys their names and where they were from. We started chatting it up and come to find out one of the guys used to be succesful until it all collpased on him, he showed me pics of his family before he hit rock bottom, and he was clean shaven and had a damn good looking wife and kids. We chatted fro about 15 minutes till she came out. They said thanks and I shook their hands, (she looked at me weird). One of the guys started to cry and she asked whats wrong and he said it had been so long since someone acted like they "really" cared, asking personal stuff.
We all have problems and as much as we think are problems are huge theres always someone who has it a little worse off then us, lets never forget that.

Cheers to you 8ball for making someone smile and removing some of the dark clouds over someones life.


Thank you for the kind words bdtraders. Well I will be off to what I hope will be a relaxing night and I will just have to see what tomorrow brings me :)

[Diablo]

Dying itself doesn't scare me; when and how worry me if I think about it long enough. The way people come and go is something I have more of an issue with. In 2001, my last set of grandparents and my girlfriend all died and with my grandparents; I saw it coming, but my girlfriend's death completely blindsided me. I'm 100% comfortable with the idea that I will die because my life has been a harsh one and I believe 100% that what I go on to in the next life will be better, but at this point, I've gotten reluctant to form friendships or relationships because I'm not up for more loss than I already expect. Your job shows you the worst life has to offer 8ball. Don't forget that life has a good side also.

[eightball61]

Dying itself doesn't scare me; when and how worry me if I think about it long enough. The way people come and go is something I have more of an issue with. In 2001, my last set of grandparents and my girlfriend all died and with my grandparents; I saw it coming, but my girlfriend's death completely blindsided me. I'm 100% comfortable with the idea that I will die because my life has been a harsh one and I believe 100% that what I go on to in the next life will be better, but at this point, I've gotten reluctant to form friendships or relationships because I'm not up for more loss than I already expect. Your job shows you the worst life has to offer 8ball. Don't forget that life has a good side also.


Hey diablo, most days I am allright. I have learned to adjust to either see past it or not think about it. Some days though like yesturday it so hard I felt very depressed about life. I had a nice night out with my girlfriend and and she cheered me up some. I just woke not to long ago and I seem to feel ok but we'll see how the day goes. Thanks for your response Diablo.

[CalistaClap]

Eightball I can understand where you are coming from. Death itself doesn't scare me. It's just something that I know will happen and I guess I've accepted that. I do believe in heaven, so I guess that eases my mind.

What I expeirenced is how unfair life can be. I did alot of deep thinking when my mother was sick with cancer. How unfair was that. She is the most caring woman, and leeds such a positive life. She atteneds church on a regualr basis and always has since I've been alive, is ALWAYS doing some sort of chairty work, and sending supplies to needy countries, and is active in the community. It is unfair that she was the one who got sick, and we were all faced with the possiblilty of loosing her. What seemed even more unfair is that someone like her was sick and possibly dying while there are so many bad people, murders, rappists, molesters, people who seel drugs to children, etc, that are continuing to live normally, and will probably live to be 95.

I'm not afraid to die, but I am afraid of the day when someone really close to me dies. I know most people someday in their lives, lives through seeing both parents die. Some see spouses, siblings and even children die. That's what scares me.

I guess I just wanted to let you know that in some ways I understand how your feeling. Life is unfair in many ways. Your not the only one who feels like that. We all get a little overwhelmed at times. :)

[eightball61]

Hey Calist & everyone, ;)

I am feeling a little better today. I am off to DJ a few hours up north so the driving will give me time to think about things and get it off my chest. On Saturday I plan to go to a mall in New Hampshire with my girlfriend for the night. I am planning to have a good but tiring weekend of travel.

I just started work for the day. I am hoping the calls ar a little better than yesturday. I had that call to start yesturday followed by many other depressing ones. I am totally against the whole child abuse and child molestation and I got a call from a guy yestureday that was going to check himself in a hospital for abuse. I felt relieved that he was doing something good but it irked me that he was that type.

Its part of my job though and I hear all sorts of things. I volenteer at firefighting and I see many things visually. It does get to me sometimes because I think about on how that could be me but then I try my very best to be proud it wasn't me. Its sounds selfish to think that way but me as an individual can only look upon my life and be thankful for what I have now. I don't know what the future hold for me but with the support of you all, my family, and girlfriend I try to make the best of my living....Thank You Guys ;)

[Howard]

Hope you feel better 8Ball.Keep Strong! :)

[eightball61]

I am feeling much better today..thank you

[Howard]

I am feeling much better today..thank you



That's great 8Ball.How's your lady keeping along? :)

[eightball61]

We are doing well :D

[Howard]

Are you gonna get some tonight,if you know what I mean? ;)

[eightball61]

Thats a bit personal but no not tonight :p I have to work tonight :(

[Howard]

Thats a bit personal but no not tonight :p I have to work tonight :(



I'm sorry it's possible she can wait.If you can wait that long. :D

[eightball61]

Its no big deal because I see the relationship more than just .... is minor to me. Thats why we waited 2 years before it happened because I wanted it to be right and special.

[Howard]

Its no big deal because I see the relationship more than just .... is minor to me. Thats why we waited 2 years before it happened because I wanted it to be right and special.



That's great 8man. :) It's nice that you're seeing the relationship more than just .But as for me, what I want from Robin is to be my lover if you want to call it that someone who I can talk to at any time of the day,engage in some hot steamy ual encounters,she has a hot tub so maybe one day in the near future she would invite me over for that BUT right now she needs to take care of some things with me which I'm not too thrilled about but hopefully my fantasies will one day come true. :(

[Howard]

8man,How long have you been seeing this girl? :)

[eightball61]

2 lovely years in september :D

[Howard]

2 lovely years in september :D



very nice 8Ball.I've been seeing Robin 7 months.I'm hoping to make it a year in October(October 10th 2004,Columbus Day weekend) :)

[eightball61]

Sad Day: :(

I just got back from a funeral of a family that is well known in my area. I live in a small city but there was over 200 people there. The person that died was the father of 3 boys and a wonderful wife. He died this past Sunday at his home. His last son found him dead that was going to graduate in 3 weeks from High School.

This family has helped out my DJ business so much by tossing me referals. My company donated money to his scholarship fund. I thought it was well deserved because they were a great family and help me out in many ways.

Me and my GF went to the wake. I saw many people there that I haven't seen in a long time. It was nice to see everyone there but sad it had to be brought by this occasion. After, my little preyer at the casket I introduced my GF to the sons with handshakes & hugs. I then turned to the wife and gave her a big and " I am sorry". I didn't know the guy like family but it hit me and I shed some tears. My GF also cried because the saddness in the air.

We are fine now but the whole death thing still bothers me. They honored this guys death the right way. He was a very good man but died young of natural causes at the age of 49. I do feel for the family and especially his sons.

I gave my GF a big hug after and told her that I loved her and will always be with here no matter what ever happened. We cried for a little bit and talked about it some but we left the night as that. I am glad its over though and I just prey I can live my life like I want to and share the same happiness this guy did. He really cared about his wife, children, and others. To me he died with honor...He was a good man and I look up to him as an icon. I want to be denicated like that man was to his family and others.

Sorry for the long rant but I just needed to let it out. Thanks again for listening yet again. You guys are great to have around and I wanted to thank you :)

Thanks
8-ball

[CalistaClap]

Hey eightball. Sorry to hear about your loss. Just because you weren't family doesn't mean you don't have every right in the world to be sadened by this.

It's good that you were able to go the the wake and the furneral, and show your suppost and care. Doing this may be hard at the time, but really helps in the greiving and healing process.

A young man from my town died over the weekend as well. I didn't know him all that well, but I used to work with his then girlfriend. He was in his early 30's, and had a son of about 10. He got into a 4wheeler accident, and tried calling on his cellphone but it the phone cut out before he could tell them where he was at. It's sad, and tragic.

Also a few weeks ago, a well known man in our town died. He had 3 children, 2 of whom are still in high school. His wife is a friend of my families.

Unfortunatly it seems that we have to live through seeing these things. Having someone like your g/f to lean on it times like this helps, and stregnthens the "bond" you share.

:(

[SALly]

No problem, glad you made it through. Sounds like an awful situation. It makes me wonder WHY....... why him????
It was very nice of you to go and help honor this man.

[eightball61]

Everytime I come acrooss dealth I always wonder "why". The only explanation is that it just happens. I feel great today but still sadden from the tragic loss. As they say "shit happens" and that quote is so true. I just hope that I will be able to live to see my child grow and I know he or she will be ok. That to me will furfill my life. I don't want go out with a bang. I want to go out knowing everyone will be ok and that I have accomplished what I started from life. I can't choose my death though so I can't control my wishes there.

I do thank you both for the support. This weekend I plan to keep things on the light side and relax some. Tonight I am going to grab some Chinese with the my GF and watching "Pretty Women" ;) . Then tomorrow I am volenteering at a Bean Supper. I hope you all enjoy your weekend :D

[Howard]

Sorry about your loss 8Ball.My Brother died 10 years ago next month June 8th,1995 at the age of 24 years old.He passed away in his sleep.It was either a diabetic coma OR natural causes.I'm not sure which one.But anyway,He was my only brother.Hope you feel better. :)

[eightball61]

Sorry about your loss 8Ball.My Brother died 10 years ago next month June 8th,1995 at the age of 24 years old.He passed away in his sleep.It was either a diabetic coma OR natural causes.I'm not sure which one.But anyway,He was my only brother.Hope you feel better. :)


Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother, Howard :( . Thanks for the words of encouragement and they do mean a lot to me :)

[Howard]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother, Howard :( . Thanks for the words of encouragement and they do mean a lot to me :)


you're welcome 8Ball.Have a good weekend. :D

[eightball61]

You have a good weekend yourself & have fun at the race on Sunday. :)

[Howard]

You have a good weekend yourself & have fun at the race on Sunday. :)


Thanks 8Ball.BTW,it's not a race,it's a walk-a-thon.

[eightball61]

Sorry :p ....

[Howard]

Sorry :p ....

that's ok.You didn't know.Our group has to walk at least 3K so we better get our walking shoes on.

[eightball61]

3K.....wow :eek: Make sure those shoes comfortable.

[Howard]

3K.....wow :eek: Make sure those shoes comfortable.


Thanks 8Ball.I'm sure my feet will tire themselves out afterwards.Have you ever been in a walk-a-thon before? :confused:

[eightball61]

I have never been in a walk-a-thon but it sounds fun.

[Howard]

I have never been in a walk-a-thon but it sounds fun.


Believe me,it gets tiring after a while.Your feet start to swell and become red.It's not that easy.You also have to make sure you're wearing comfortable shoes.