Best Friend no more

[MilkandHoney]

Well yeah.
Basically my best friend is leaving me in the dust. We've known each other for a minimal ammount of time, 2 and a half years. But in that time we grew so close we couldnt last a week without talking to each other. We spent hours on the phone, and outside of school and work, together. We told each other secrets and he understood me more than anyone....and same for him. but all of a sudden, without much warning, he stops all contact. He blocked my phone number, removed me as his friend on facebook. And in school he wont even look at me. If I happen to see him, or if I chance saying "hi" all I get is cold shoulder. Not even a glance in my direction, he simply walks away, over and over again.
Why is he doing this? Its been three months, and my heart cannot go answerless. Even if you cant help much, any ideas would be nice to know or consider.
thank you for reading my giant block of text =_=
:o

[Rich]

Is this an opposite friendship? If so, i'm guessing that a jealous person spread some rumors about you to him (like you were talking about him behind his back) and now you're persona non grata to him.

Try talking to him and say that even if you can't be friends, just to be honest and tell you why he has "dropped" you. That you'll accept what is, burt just want to know.

[eightball61]

I agree and contacting him for this closure. It sucks not knowing when the door is shut. Hopefully you get the answers needed.

[smackie9]

Did some one ask you if you were dating or if you would date him? And your answer to them was, no way you are just friends?

[smackie9]

Here's the deal. Guys cannot just be friends. The reason why you got so close is because he has fallen in love with you. Someone somewhere said something like that you were not interested in a relationship. Or you mentioned to him you were mackin on some dude in school.

[smackie9]

Here's the deal. Guys cannot just be friends. The reason why you got so close is because he has fallen in love with you. Someone somewhere said something like that you were not interested in a relationship. Or you mentioned to him you were mackin on some dude in school.

So if any of that happened.....his whole world just blew apart.

[MilkandHoney]

thanks for the input
smackie9 probably has it right.
no one would ever spread rumors, and he isnt shallow like that any way. he would never believe that sort of crap. also, he cut off all contact to me. so i cant really go up and ask him, now can i? :(

[Rich]

You know....here's probably another example of what I was talking about. On the weekend the moderator goes out on the web and "gathers" posts and then drops thme on here.

"Milkand Honey" is another 1st time poster and now no reply. We always seem to get alot of new posts over the weekend and most of the newbies never reply back.

Just saying...

[Howard]

You know....here's probably another example of what I was talking about. On the weekend the moderator goes out on the web and "gathers" posts and then drops thme on here.

"Milkand Honey" is another 1st time poster and now no reply. We always seem to get alot of new posts over the weekend and most of the newbies never reply back.

Just saying...


But where does he get them from? :confused:

[PrincessB]

OP: We need more information. Whether you are female or male and your romantic interests plays a huge role in the dynamic. I will try to respond as best I can, but we really need to know this information.

Same Heteroual: Somebody slammed you or you committed a major friend offense that is so huge he has determined you don't even deserve an explanation. Only you would know if the latter is the cause of your total dis.

Your popularity has taken a plummet: You never mentioned what "school" level you are talking about. High school and younger levels this can be a big reason why life long friends will drop you like a hot potato. The other kids could be stabbing you behind your back and it could be quite a while before you find out what's going on... If at all. Sorry, school can be a total bummer because kids and teens are nasty cruel. Especially girls! Damn can they be evil! You could be too pretty, too fat, too popular, not popular enough. Heck you could just have a heart beat and some insecure girl can set out to destroy you. Guys can also be pretty catty or nasty but it is not as common as with girls.

Opposite Heteroual: His friends slammed you and his friendship with you is total social suicide. Do you have problems socially at school?

Has he been hanging with a new crowd? Perhaps he is even exploring a relationship with another woman and feels like he can't be friends with you any longer.

You used him: If this is an opposite relationship and he ever expressed interest but you shot him down this is very likely. You may have felt that you had a deep close friendship with this guy, but he may have decided you were more of a taker than a giver than he could take. A lot of females do this and never even realize how much of a relationship vampire they are.

Same : Same as above. You could be straight and he could have a crush or suspect that you are the one with the crush and he's straight. Perhaps you are both attracted to the opposite ; In which case the same would apply as to the Opposite advice I've given.

Really nobody knows unless you talk to him. I hope my response helps and that you update us with any developments.

[packagedealx3]

Sound more like he has a girlfriend that is jealous.

And guys and girls can be just friends, happens all the time.

[Howard]

And guys and girls can be just friends, happens all the time.

Exactly,there's no need to have ual contact with a girl all the time,you could always be best friends with them.

[smackie9]

The reason why I say that is that with guys having a strong drive, there will be ual tension. If you have been on here as long as I have there are many young dudes post here that fall for there female friends and wonder if they should approach for a relationship. Most of the time they get blown off and are all confused as to why they were rejected, because she was holding hands and talking to them everyday, blah blah blah. I should know because it has happened to me enough times, being a tomboy, I'm very comfortable and confident around guys, they get the wrong idea.......

[Howard]

The reason why I say that is that with guys having a strong drive, there will be ual tension.

And girls think that is all we want but sometimes that's what we think,We want and crave it but girls back off because we go too fast in the relationship.So I guess it's best to stay buddies for a while.

[MilkandHoney]

um ._.
honestly i didnt think it would matter but i am female i am straight and he lied to me about having a girlfriend, it turns out.

[PrincessB]

I'm sorry but I'm with Smackie. Someone almost always walks away with sore feelings whether they are expressed or not. We don't even know the of the OP but if you look at the posting history on here about opposite relationships people don't come on here because their platonic friendship is working out.

In most circumstances one person develops feelings and just because its never expressed or pursued, that doesn't mean it isn't there. Yes, men and women can be friends but there needs to be a barrier because men and women experience relationships very differently. While one person may think its platonic friendship, the other person may see it as a step toward the next level...Its not always consciously premeditated, but its there.

[Rich]

Look....all us us talking here and milkandhoney is gone. Wasting our breath.

[Howard]

Look....all us us talking here and milkandhoney is gone. Wasting our breath.



Where'd she go? :confused:

[MilkandHoney]

im right here?

[packagedealx3]

Yeah Smack, my comment was more for those folks that seem to act as if the guy or gal is always in wait for the opportunity. Sure, there may be some ual tension, it may even be the case that the two people tried going out or dating and it was a disaster but the chemical attraction that exists is still there but it is never acted upon.

I suspect that the young guys that wind up in this situation know what is going on at some level so do the women that put up threads that suggest the guy has sent mixed signals when he has said from the get go I don't want a relationship or whatever.

[PrincessB]

um ._.
honestly i didnt think it would matter but i am female i am straight and he lied to me about having a girlfriend, it turns out.

What a cad MilkandHoney. For some reason I never saw the above quoted response until today...Even though I had checked before to see if you had responded. Must be a glitch or something. Did anyone else see it posted before I responded?

Your and ual preferences usually don't make a difference, but men and women think differently so our responses can't be generic. In a perfect world such things would matter not at all. We do not live in such a world and men and women are such very different creatures. They experience love, relationships, so differently...Art and science have explored this fact for millenia. It is undeniable. It is also why books like "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", are so wildly popular. Of course there are exceptions but that is rare, and it would be disrespectful to not be sensitive to such differences. There is nothing wrong with such differences and there is nothing wrong with recognizing such differences. This community has been very welcoming and kind towards the opposite es and those that are different from ourselves in many ways.

I am so sorry to hear that your friend has a gf and lied to you. I surmise he has a guilt or suspicion you have feelings for him, or his is concerned how his having such a close friend of the opposite will affect his relationship. There's no other way to say it than this: "women can be crazy jealous B****". Something like this was bound to happen. She could be behind his behavior and actions, directly or indirectly...It is true that a woman can drive a man to stupidity and insanity.

You have two options. You can consider this friendship dead and move on bitterly. Or you can wait til things blow over and have a discussion with your friend when the timing is right...Either when he comes around on his own or the relationship ends. That is when you tell him you understand his need to respect the other women in his life (and he needs to...your friendship is going to change as you both grow), but that shouldn't mean he has to cut you out of his life completely. If he is in a relationship he shouldn't have to feel he has to hide it or that you cannot remain friends. There are going to be boundaries in order for him to continue his friendship with you when he's dating other women. ie: You shouldn't be hanging out alone. Hanging in a group of friends without her should be okay. Giving you both a chance to get to know each other should also be okay. How does he not know that you and his new flame won't hit it off and become great friends as well? He hasn't even given that a chance.

Try to remember his actions and behavior are not personal against you. This is a growing pain that you both can overcome with mutual respect, understanding, and maturity.

[MilkandHoney]

actually he lied to me about having one. he never did.

[PrincessB]

Well, I don't know what to say except you shouldn't let people get away with treating you this way. You don't have to confront him, and honest answers are probably not something you're going to get from this guy.

Get out there and meet new people! Hang out with the friends that treat you with respect. You don't have to be this jerk's friend but that doesn't mean you need to be nasty or vindictive either. I'd put him on ignore and move on.

[smackie9]

You know if you have been great friends for such a long time, don't you think you deserve some kind of explanation? Someone did that to me recently, so I confronted him and I got my answer......I think you should do the same. Explain to him you deserve something so you can move on.

[lvl3]

um ._.
honestly i didnt think it would matter but i am female i am straight and he lied to me about having a girlfriend, it turns out.

You two are both still in highschool yes? It's very hard for highschool girlfriends, such as his, to understand a deep/meaningful friendship between es. It's very possible that she's dating him under the condition that he no longer talk to you anymore. I had a female best friend my junior year of highschool, we had been amazing friends the entire semester, had 3 of the same classes together and both didn't leave school til 5 so we had lots of chill time, then one day she started dating a drug dealer and me and her didn't talk for 2 years. Turns out that drug dealer threatened to beat up any guy she hung out with, and I was the one he specified by name. She had never had a boyfriend before so she figured this was natural, just how guys were protective, and lived with it, and didn't have a single male friend for 2 years, ironic being as how he ended up cheating on her with a female friend of his. Later in college we've become aquantances but I was so hurt by it that we've never really become good friends since, it's really sad. My guess is something similar is happening now but it could just be because it's happened to me so I'm relating my life to this story, but it doesn't seem too far fetched.

[lvl3]

I just reread that post i sent, I didn't mean to imply he's dating a drug dealing girl, nor that you two won't talk for 2 years... that's kind of an extreme example. You should find out if that's why he's not talking to you, and if that's the case i recommend telling him "bros before hoes" and if that doesn't work, talk to her about it, tell her that you and him used to be best friends, that you're intentions are pure, and that you miss him and you hate not being able to be friends with him. Unless she's a cold hearted she should be ok with you two being friends, and if she is, lets hope his type isn't a cold hearted .

[lvl3]

actually he lied to me about having one. he never did.

wow this forum is going fast lol, i didn't get a chance to read this and I posted twice. I'm a little baffeled, I have no idea why he'd do that. My advice to you is to go out and make new friends, better friends who will treat you right. Maybe he's just on his period or something.

[PrincessB]

My question, is whether rumors or talk have been going around about you? High school is a time when your peer reputation is all you feel you have, and its a possible cause. Maybe somebody put words in your mouth out of boredom and he's pissed at you for something you didn't even do.... When I was in high school these things happened all the time to people.

[smackie9]

My question, is whether rumors or talk have been going around about you? High school is a time when your peer reputation is all you feel you have, and its a possible cause. Maybe somebody put words in your mouth out of boredom and he's pissed at you for something you didn't even do.... When I was in high school these things happened all the time to people.

They happen in my place of work everyday lol! Adults never really grow up....shhhh! don't let the kids know this....

[PrincessB]

My mother used to say that kids grow up...They don't! Rumor-mongering is quite prevalent in offices...Which is why I refuse to work in one! I had no time for it in high school and ten years later I have even less patience for it. I drove my friends crazy because I would call them on their shhhh and still do.

[smackie9]

My mother used to say that kids grow up...They don't! Rumor-mongering is quite prevalent in offices...Which is why I refuse to work in one! I had no time for it in high school and ten years later I have even less patience for it. I drove my friends crazy because I would call them on their shhhh and still do.

Gossip is everywhere, not just in an office. We have crews that work on job sites, and they get switched with other people daily so the rumours can spread at lightning speed. I had rumours about me having all kinds of affairs started by people I have never met that work at our downtown warehouse. I even get phone calls from co-workers at our other locations letting me in on who's doin who, etc.

We've had many staff meetings about "the rumours" that are going around and to stop the gossip....hah ya right.

[Robot By Choice]

Well yeah.
Basically my best friend is leaving me in the dust. We've known each other for a minimal ammount of time, 2 and a half years. But in that time we grew so close we couldnt last a week without talking to each other. We spent hours on the phone, and outside of school and work, together. We told each other secrets and he understood me more than anyone....and same for him. but all of a sudden, without much warning, he stops all contact. He blocked my phone number, removed me as his friend on facebook. And in school he wont even look at me. If I happen to see him, or if I chance saying "hi" all I get is cold shoulder. Not even a glance in my direction, he simply walks away, over and over again.
Why is he doing this? Its been three months, and my heart cannot go answerless. Even if you cant help much, any ideas would be nice to know or consider.
thank you for reading my giant block of text =_=
:o

I have a saying: "When friends let you down...

...MAKE NEW ONES!"

[Howard]

I have a saying: "When friends let you down...

...MAKE NEW ONES!"

Exactly,there's always someone new every day.

[smackie9]

I have a saying: "When friends let you down...

...MAKE NEW ONES!"

Yup and you can out grow your friends through out your life......I'm going though another cycle of taking out the trash myself.

[Howard]

Yup and you can out grow your friends through out your life......I'm going though another cycle of taking out the trash myself.



Right Now I have old school friends with whom I talk to once in a while but I have to start to make new friends soon.

[bradlystaton]

Yeah i think you knowing or unknowingly made something which irritated him. So you go to him and ask for forgiveness i think if you are his best friend you will be knowing his character so do something which makes him happy.

[eloquent]

You can visit him in his house and really ask him.. or just send a snail mail asking him what have really happened. Im sure with all the times you two have been together, he would have the heart to let you know what went wrong. if he still doesnt, give it some more time.. he is bound to realize that he misses you as well and you deserve to know what have happened.