I need your opinion women.

[JoeHappy]

I need your opinion women.

My parents take an annual trip and have always made an offer for my wife and I to attend. Is it wrong for me to take a trip with my parents and without my wife? I certainly would prefer that my wife travel with us, however, she does not want to. She says she doesn't enjoy traveling with my parents. I've expressed to her that the trip would be much more enjoyable with her and want her to go. She's upset that I would travel without her. My wife and I do travel quite often together so she's not jealous of the trip, per se.
I'm confused, because, if the situation were reversed, I would be genuinely happy for her to take a trip without me. I truely get satisfaction knowing that she is happy.
I don't want to hurt her feelings. I love her very much. I need an outside perspective. I am so confused. :confused:

Thanks
Joe :)

[eightball61]

I don't want to hurt her feelings. I love her very much. I need an outside perspective. I am so confused. :confused:
[/COLOR][/COLOR]



I am not a women but I like to add something here if you don't mind;) Since its an annel trip why don't you both just sit it out this year and maybe to something together at that time. I see no harm done if you skip out one year. these are just my thoughts though...

[JoeHappy]

I am not a women but I like to add something here if you don't mind;) Since its an annel trip why don't you both just sit it out this year and maybe to something together at that time. I see no harm done if you skip out one year. these are just my thoughts though...



Thanks eightball61. But what do you think, in general, is it ok to take a trip with your parents, family, or a friend without your spouse? In my case, it's my wife's decision not to go. Because, even if I decline the offer this year, the same offer will be there next year.

Joe

[eightball61]

the same offer will be there next year.

Joe


Right.... the same offer will come next year and maybe she may change her mind. She may just need a year off from taking a vacation with your family. I see no wrong in going with out her but she is your wife and you both have to come to some sort of agreement together. What you can offer to her is to decline the invitation this year but go next year. Its really hard to tell what she may be thinking so I canpick whats exactly on her mind.

I do have a question though: Why is it she doesn't like to go with her family? What was her response to it?

[SALly]

I need your opinion women.

My parents take an annual trip and have always made an offer for my wife and I to attend. Is it wrong for me to take a trip with my parents and without my wife? I certainly would prefer that my wife travel with us, however, she does not want to. She says she doesn't enjoy traveling with my parents. I've expressed to her that the trip would be much more enjoyable with her and want her to go. She's upset that I would travel without her. My wife and I do travel quite often together so she's not jealous of the trip, per se.
I'm confused, because, if the situation were reversed, I would be genuinely happy for her to take a trip without me. I truely get satisfaction knowing that she is happy.
I don't want to hurt her feelings. I love her very much. I need an outside perspective. I am so confused. :confused:

Thanks
Joe :)
I wouldn't be upset if my husband took a trip with his parents without me. I think I would probably end up going with him if I knew he really wanted to go. I guess it seems sort of selfish of her to not want to go but not want you to go either. Does she have a different trip she wants you two to take instead?

[lakegoddess]

I'm a woman. I could be like that sometimes. Coming from a person who has been in that situation (though not married, but my boyfriend was planning to go on a trip with his family without me, because I had to work), I can understand what your wife is feeling. If she's upset/disappointed/mad, let her be. I mean, wouldn't you? She just doesn't want you to go because she'll miss you and want you by her side. BUT, she has no right to tell you not to go and you shouldn't feel guilty about spending time with your parents either. So I don't think it's fair for you to skip this year on her behalf. I know you love her, but it has to be reasonable.

You think you can make it up to her? You have more vacation days? Maybe you can plan another special trip for just the two of you. Go somewhere you both will enjoy? Hey, all the better for you - TWO trips! Haha. Well, you know what I mean. If you go (which you should if you want to), let her know you'll miss her dearly, call her when you're out there, and say you'll make it up to her by a surprise trip/event.

By the way, is it somewhere, some activity that she doesn't like? Or are your parents and her having conflicts? Could that be the issue?

[SALly]

OK- I have more questions.... Do you guys have to act differently when with your parents? Do they not get along with your wife enough that it would make it a bad trip? If she has a bad relationship with them then I could see her not wanting to go. And I guess if it is really bad, it could almost be like "they won" one over on her if you go with them alone. That could really hurt her, like you are picking your parents over her--
Just throwing some things out there, don't really know enough about your situation.

[SimplyMe]

I'm a woman and yes I would prefer that my husband sits this one out.

Perhaps you enjoy your parents' company but doesn't mean she does... or has to.

My in-laws are great people. Love them! But just in small doses please.

They came to visit and stayed... 3 months. I wanted to jump off a bridge by the end of the 3rd week!!!

YES! We don't behave the same in the company of our parents and in-laws. The question is : how much can you take? :cool:

We owe a lot to our parents. But not ready to say sacrifice your relationship in the process... And I hope my kids do the same when it's their turn!!!

[SALly]

I'm a woman and yes I would prefer that my husband sits this one out.

Perhaps you enjoy your parents' company but doesn't mean she does... or has to.

My in-laws are great people. Love them! But just in small doses please.

They came to visit and stayed... 3 months. I wanted to jump off a bridge by the end of the 3rd week!!!

YES! We don't behave the same in the company of our parents and in-laws. The question is : how much can you take? :cool:

We owe a lot to our parents. But not ready to say sacrifice your relationship in the process... And I hope my kids do the same when it's their turn!!!
OMG- they visited for 3 months????!!!! :eek:

[samanthac425]

You might even try to compromise...something like you'll sit this one out but go next year or something to that effect. If my family was taking an annual trip & my DH didn't want to go but also didn't want me to go, I think I'd be alright with that.

[SimplyMe]

OMG- they visited for 3 months????!!!! :eek:

That's right. I still think I deserve a medal for this... :D

[JoeHappy]

I wouldn't be upset if my husband took a trip with his parents without me. I think I would probably end up going with him if I knew he really wanted to go. I guess it seems sort of selfish of her to not want to go but not want you to go either. Does she have a different trip she wants you two to take instead?


Hey Sally,
Thanks for your input! Sorry for the late response...I've been away from my computer for awhile.
My wife says that she would like for the 2 of us to go to take this same trip some other time together. I agree with her and we can go again and together. We've been on this trip with my parents before and she says that she just doesn't have as good of time as when we travel alone. She gets along great with my parents, but I think she just likes to be more in control of what we do. I've tried suggesting that we split up our days...spend some time with the folks and the other times alone. However, this trip only will cost us airfare and is good opportunity for me/us to spend with my parents. We live far apart and don't get to see each other as much as I would like.

Joe

[JoeHappy]

You think you can make it up to her? You have more vacation days? Maybe you can plan another special trip for just the two of you. Go somewhere you both will enjoy? Hey, all the better for you - TWO trips! Haha. Well, you know what I mean. If you go (which you should if you want to), let her know you'll miss her dearly, call her when you're out there, and say you'll make it up to her by a surprise trip/event.

By the way, is it somewhere, some activity that she doesn't like? Or are your parents and her having conflicts? Could that be the issue?

Hey goddess,
Thanks for your input! Sorry to respond so late.
We just took a week long trip last month to the Carribean. It was an awesome trip too! We travel all the time, so it's not that she missing out on a trip. We are in the process of planning two more trips this year.

No, she loves this place! My parents and she get along good.

Joe

[JoeHappy]

OK- I have more questions.... Do you guys have to act differently when with your parents? Do they not get along with your wife enough that it would make it a bad trip? If she has a bad relationship with them then I could see her not wanting to go. And I guess if it is really bad, it could almost be like "they won" one over on her if you go with them alone. That could really hurt her, like you are picking your parents over her--
Just throwing some things out there, don't really know enough about your situation.

Thanks for your questions Sally.

We act pretty much the same around my parents.
My parents adore my wife. I think my wife can only take my mother in small doses, though. But, overall, they get along good.


Joe

[JoeHappy]

I'm a woman and yes I would prefer that my husband sits this one out.

Perhaps you enjoy your parents' company but doesn't mean she does... or has to.

My in-laws are great people. Love them! But just in small doses please.

They came to visit and stayed... 3 months. I wanted to jump off a bridge by the end of the 3rd week!!!

YES! We don't behave the same in the company of our parents and in-laws. The question is : how much can you take? :cool:

We owe a lot to our parents. But not ready to say sacrifice your relationship in the process... And I hope my kids do the same when it's their turn!!!

Thanks for your response SimplyMe!

Like you said, small doses...I think my wife would agree with you.

I don't want to sacrifice my relationship. My wife comes 1st.

Joe

[JoeHappy]

You might even try to compromise...something like you'll sit this one out but go next year or something to that effect. If my family was taking an annual trip & my DH didn't want to go but also didn't want me to go, I think I'd be alright with that.

Thanks Samantha!

I'm really torn here. I had a talk with my wife over the weekend. She said that she really doesn't enjoy taking trips with my parents. She loves my parents, but would just rather take the same trip without my parents. I agree with her that our trips together are more enjoyable without my parents. However, my reasons for wanting to take this trip are:

1. It's my favorite place to visit
2. It's an opportunity for me/us to spend time with my parents (my parents live far away and we don't see them as much as I would like)
3. My parents are getting older, so I don't know how many more opportunities there will be to be a part of their annual trip

After speaking with my wife, I have decided against the trip. She hasn't really given me a reason. I just think her feelings will be hurt.
She tells me to take the trip, but I don't want to hurt our relationship. I know she really doesn't me to go. I do think she's being a little selfish, though.
If the situation were reversed, I would happily tell her to go.

It's crazy, because, everything else in our relationship is wonderful. We rarely disagree on things.

Bottom line: I just want to do what is in the best interest of our marriage. I know there will come a time that she may not understand my reasoning, but I'll want her to support me.

Ladies, let me know what you think.

Thanks in advance,

Joe

[eightball61]

Thanks Samantha!
She said that she really doesn't enjoy taking trips with my parents.


But why? She says she enjoys your parents but there has to be a reason why she won't go? Is this this a one time thing where she just wants to take this year off or is this something that will run in the future?

You want to go on this trip because its your favorite place but you allready been there. Give it a year off for you and her. If she declines the offer again next year then just go. You would be compromising this way by staying with her this year and going the next. You both are married but have to be fair to each other.

It would be fair to you if she tried to control you and hold you bacause she doesn't want to do something. Her not going again next year would be her lost. You all still could vacation with spending limited time together.

[JoeHappy]

But why? She says she enjoys your parents but there has to be a reason why she won't go? Is this this a one time thing where she just wants to take this year off or is this something that will run in the future?

You want to go on this trip because its your favorite place but you allready been there. Give it a year off for you and her. If she declines the offer again next year then just go. You would be compromising this way by staying with her this year and going the next. You both are married but have to be fair to each other.

It would be fair to you if she tried to control you and hold you bacause she doesn't want to do something. Her not going again next year would be her lost. You all still could vacation with spending limited time together.

Thanks for your input eightball.

My wife doesn't really have a good reason for not wanting to go. She said that she just doesn't have as good of a time as when we go alone.
No, this isn't a one time thing. She will probably be the same way next year.
Again, I think she's being a little selfish.

Joe, still confused and a little sad.

[eightball61]

Take this year off and if she refuses again next year then you go with your parents alone. You will be compromising by staying this year and next year she will have to compromise with you. This would be a good 50/50 split (I think). Her opinion may differ but you are not going to allow her to control you.

She may try to make you feel bad but you will need to stand your ground. She is the one that wants to hold back and not do anything. These are your parents and she will not hold you back on seeing them. All you gotta do is keep everything at 50/50 with compromising and stand your ground....If she still can't see your point then go and leave her behind while you are enjoying your time. You don't want to miss out on your parents lives because of her being selfish.

[Rich]

Sometimes in a marriage you just have to suck it up and do something you might not enjoy all that much.

Your wife is being selfish!

If you don't get to see your parents all that much and they're getting older, then I'd say go.

If you take vacations with your wife and you have the time, then go.

Her loss.

[JoeHappy]

Take this year off and if she refuses again next year then you go with your parents alone. You will be compromising by staying this year and next year she will have to compromise with you. This would be a good 50/50 split (I think). Her opinion may differ but you are not going to allow her to control you.

She may try to make you feel bad but you will need to stand your ground. She is the one that wants to hold back and not do anything. These are your parents and she will not hold you back on seeing them. All you gotta do is keep everything at 50/50 with compromising and stand your ground....If she still can't see your point then go and leave her behind while you are enjoying your time. You don't want to miss out on your parents lives because of her being selfish.


Thanks eightball.
I definitely think marriage is a compromise. I would prefer to take this opportunity while it's available, though.

Joe

[JoeHappy]

Sometimes in a marriage you just have to suck it up and do something you might not enjoy all that much.

Your wife is being selfish!

If you don't get to see your parents all that much and they're getting older, then I'd say go.

If you take vacations with your wife and you have the time, then go.

Her loss.

Rich...you're exactly right. BUT, how do I get my wife to "suck it up". I would definitely "suck it up" if she wanted to do something that I wasn't fond of.

It's crazy! I still don't see what the big deal is if I go.

JOE :confused:

[eightball61]

I would prefer to take this opportunity while it's available, though.

Joe


To get her to "suck it up" you just have to go. Taking the opportunity is not a bad choice but my proposel was about being fair. You stated you go on this trip every year and my suggestion was just take this year off for once. If you take this year off then thier will be always next year to resume the yearly trip and if she doesn't go then she wil have to "suck to up". It's entirely up to you though and since she is your wife this is something that you both will need to compromise with.

Goodluck

[Rich]

Two ways to get her to suck it up.

Use your powers of persuasion and talk her into doing it.

Or, go this year without her. She'll then realize how important it is to you and when the next time roles around she either decide to stay home alone or go and be with you because she knows that you'll be going.

If you go this time she'll have time to think while you're gone. Hopefully she'll over come her selfishness and will decide that being with you and your parents is better than being alone and not going.

Your wife is letting pride and ego get in the way. Sometimes as a husband or wife you need to do something for your spouse that you'd rather not do. But you do it out of love for your spouse anyway.

She's choosing herself over you.

I can see if you didn't take any other vacations or spent time alone together with your wife on trips, but you do. So her argument holds less water.

Your wife is standing on selfish, immature ground. IMO.

[SALly]

It's a very hard decision. I can't see how she wouldn't see your points and agree to go, or tell you to go ahead and go. No one knows how much time people have on this earth. If you don't go, and one of your parents happens to become ill in their old age, would you always regret the fact that you didn't go on this trip??!!! Just a thought!!

[eightball61]

It's a very hard decision. I can't see how she wouldn't see your points and agree to go, or tell you to go ahead and go. !


Some people just can't put themselves in another persons shoes to see thier view on things. To me I found this is a good way to resolve an issue or fight. I always thought I was right and others were wrong but up until my current relationship my thought process changed and I notice we have less fights because of that.

[SALly]

I'm wondering if there isn't some underlying reason really. I mean, usually if I am adamant about not doing something- then there is a definite reason. She can't seem to give a real reason other than she doesn't want to. That seems odd, unless she really is just that selfish. Wouldn't it make her happy to see you happy!!!??? I'm guessing there is an underlying reason maybe she isn't telling you.

[eightball61]

I agree too that its very odd and selfish.........