I kinda know the answer but could still use advice

[LoveImpaired]

Well this could be very long but here it goes....
I met this guy online about a year ago, and we have had this HUGE rollercoaster of a relationship/friendship and I know I need to just close the door and move on but I have tried it about a dozen times and I always find my way back to him. I dont know if its because I dont have the strength or because I just love him so much that I keep thinking things can change. I guess its a little bit of both. There is so much that has gone on I really dont know how to explain it or where to start.
I guess the bottom line is that Im insecure and have a hard time trusting him, but I feel I have reason to do so.
Our relationship is one where we talk online all the time but I cant reach him, he can only reach me(by phone that is). And he can only come to me, I cant go to him, when we hang out. And it is really a one on one relationship, we dont hang out with eachother friends or met eachothers family or friends. I dont have any problems with introducing him or going out but he is a very private person and doesnt have much family. So I guess through all that I have no way to ever know if there is anyone else or if what he tells me is true. So I am questioning him sometimes and he gets all pissy about it. And I have for so long thought silly things and gone with it and he tells me its not true but I dont know.
I guess Im so use to being with someone fully. Haning out whenever and go to his place or mine, calling him and leaving little messages on voicemail. But with it being so one way I cant really do all that except through messanger.
IM SORRY MY THOUGHTS ARE SO SCATTERED, THIS IS COMING OUT SO WEIRD, BARE WITH ME.
The only thing Im sure of is that I love him and that we have amazing ual experiences all the time, that has never been a problem. And when that is going on and even after it, we are so very happy and it feels liek things could last forever.
Its all before it that gets all screwy, He isnt a person that approaches me, I always have to make the moves and practically attack him to start teh ual things, even kissing. And I dont understand that, and it frustrates me to all ends of earth. I mean even standing in a towel in front of him, I still have to initiate. I know maybe he isnt use to it, or the aggressive type of person but come on, after a year, he should be comfortable with me, should just touch me and kiss me if he wants to. Am I wrong here? I dont think so.
Other than that, we both have a sarcastic, quickwitted sense of humor and that sometimes starts problems. Cus I will comment on something silly or he will and sometimes it gets to the point where I start taking it seriously and get pissed, then I try to stop and just be normal again and he is already mad cus I get so worked up about it. hope that makes sense.
I feel like we have so many problems, but I know how I feel when I am with him, how amazing our life is, and I know deep down he cares about me and taht we both have a love for one another but we cant seem to get it right.
I know its a lot and its scattered but the only way to make sense of it all is to start from day one and go through every moment. Cus Im not exaggerating about the rollercoaster at all. Its been the most wild ride of a relationship I have ever been in or on.

Guess the last thing I can say is that ever time it gets crazy we cool off and both of us forget and forgive one another for whatever went on and we both come back to one another because we miss one another. Part of me thinks we are just great partners and the rest will never work, but you cant have a -relationship with someone you love. Just doesnt work.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so many thoughts not enough brain to sort them to make sense, hope you can get something out of this all to understand a little bit and tell me something here.

[lisa818181]

My basic philosophy about finding the right person for you is that they must have ALL the things you NEED and most of the things you WANT. Apparently you need someone who can be open with you and share his life with you (not that that's unusual or at all unreasonable). Apparently he is incapable of providing that for you, or maybe just unwilling to. Either way, if that is one of your needs in a relationship, you won't ever really be happy without it.

In a normal healthy relationship, people are happy to hear from their significant others and can share anything about themselves. There are two reasons I can think of for him being so secretive. 1: He has something to hide from you. This could range anywhere from an embarassing family to having another girlfriend to a drug problem to...who knows. 2: He is hiding you from the rest of his life. This would mean that he is embarassed by you for some reason, doesn't want the other people in his life to meet you, likes to play the field with his buddies and doesn't want them knowing he has you on the side... etc. Either way, this is bad news.

Having a great life is not a compelling enough reason to stay with someone. Especially since he seems reluctant to initiate anything. It may be difficult to leave that part behind if it is as great as you say, but it's not at all worth the emotional agony that will come with it.

Find someone who is proud to call you his girlfriend and wants you to meet his friends and family, and call him anytime you feel like it. No one deserves the brush-off treatment that you have been getting.

Good luck! Lisa

[Diablo]

Well, if you can live with great and not much else, stay with him. His shyness about initiating things is a little weird. I can see a guy being a little shy ually in the early going, but if you were standing in front of me wearing nothing but a towel, I would know what to do. Anyway, maybe the guy is just a little on the weird side; plenty of people are these days. If that's all it is, you have to decide if you can accept his eccentricities or not.

[eightball61]

Since you posted a long thread on reasons why he isn't the right one for you then try to post a list for why you want to be with him?

If you find you can't match all the pro's to these con's you just posted here then I believe it would be best you make the attempt to move on. Relationships take the work of two people. If you don't have that in a relationship then its hard to make it work like as you see in your relationship.

He seems to be very secretive...... :confused: Have you ever met any of his family memembers? were you introduced as a girlfriend or friend?

Some guys are not very open as women like them to be but still open enough to make a relationship to work. In this case he is making it hard for the both of you to grow. You want something that he is not allowing you to have. If I was in your situation I would leave. It would be hard to make that decisionbut I would have do whats best for me or suffer with it. If you stick with him then you will have to suffer longer with the way he acts. The only way he will ever change is if he wanted to.