A loveless relationship? need help big time!!!

[blue eyed boy]

I have been in a relationship with a girl that chose me from a dating site. I wasnt too excited at first but continued to grow my affection for her over the next few months. At 4 months she told me she didnt have the same level of feeling as me. I convinced her and myself that it needed time. Another month later I instigated a split because i found it played on my mind but missed her so much i was back within a week. A further 6 months went by and i fell deeper in love with her but tried to protect myself by holding something back as during that time nothing for her had changed ie no love yet. I moved in with her in and we had 2 good months together. We had to move to another place and it then fell apart at a year and i thought to save things I would move out to give us space so she could focus on her troubled daughter before she goes to uni.We continued to see each other but just not the same, with her in far more control than me. She then rejected me totally and i had found my breaking point. We didnt see each other for a month which was living hell for me. Now we have started again, but I am so anxious as its all too formal. We hold hands kiss and cuddle but no intimacy or affection, although we have only been seeing each other for 2 weeks. My communication is always just as loving and supportive but it doesnt come back. My friends say somethings wrong, maybe she is using me as she has nothing else and others say its sympathy, or it could be genuine caution, but i just dont know what to do or feel. HELP !!!!!!

[eightball61]

There comes a time when you just need to accept that you both are not on the same level. You seem to want more but she pushes away when that time comes. It does appear she may not want more than a cuddle bud but you want differ. Time for you to make a choice.

[jaya]

have you talked about your feelings for each other? maybe she just needs you not because of love but just for companionship. you will feel true love if it's there, if you are still feeling this way then maybe love is not there and you're just used to being with her that's why you go back to her every time. why don't you try and date other women but first as i've said talk to her. if she doesn't want to talk about your relationship then maybe there's nothing to talk about anymore and you are the only one hanging on.

[smackie9]

You can't force a relationship to bloom into something amazing. That is what dating is all about.....you have to kick a few tires before you commit. Try finding someone that has that instant spark, that chemical explosion....fireworks...passion, not this slowly grow fond of them.....yawn. That's why things just fall apart....no chemistry.

[PrincessB]

It sounds like you've been holding onto this girl for the sake of being with someone. ie: you stayed with her, moved in with her, and fought for a relationship you knew wasn't the right fit for you. You also seem to have the expectation of love to be there in the first year but there is no timeline for love to grow...Those butterflies and intensity you expect to feel for someone aren't necessarily just love. Those are symptomatic of chemistry and other things, but love is a deeper thing that goes beyond those physiological reactions and takes time to develop. You are right to expect to feel those things because Smackie is right about the impending doom of a relationship that lacks some fire.

You should try to move on and don't get involved unless there is chemistry and compatibility. By settling for someone less you are wasting your youth and your time.

[TMIFM]

Why continue putting yourself through the hurt. This can lead to depression and esteem issues. You say... people say that she is using you. Most of the time we do not need people to tell us this. Most the time we know, however, we ignore things because of love. Which can at times be blinding. Open your eyes and pay more attention. Our heart can steer us in the wrong direction sometimes. I hope all goes well.