Incredibly complicated...

[joshieD]

Ok people, sit down and get ready for a long one. It started about 3 weeks ago this girl ive been friends with forever was starting to have major conflicts and doubrs about her boyfriend. Her and i would always hang out and she would always talk about how bad he treated her and stuff. Her and i started to grow real close and she broke up with her boyfriend.... things were looking great. Her and i devloped a bond i could only dreamed of getting with her. Anyways a few nights ago she calls the boy and he wins her back... saying he will change. I guess it would be ok maybe if this was the first time but this like their 5th time breaking up over the same stuff. My questions are... What do i do? ... How do i break it to her that her physically abusive boyfriend is not good for her? And what should she do? They are back together now and alrady are seeming to fight agian. My heart is broken because i know i could make her so much happier. She even told me that. Im so confused... any adivce would be awesome.

[eightball61]

You would be a good friend in warning her but you both did get close and she may see this as you are trying to break them up. You need to watch your actions your if you don't want to lose her. As far as I can see, the only thing you may be able to do is keep your mouth closed until you hear he is treating her different.


She wants to give this relationship another try. You were just a fill in durning her rough period. She doesn't feel for you like she feels for this guy. By trying things out again she will see if his words are true or not. Sometimes a person needs to double-check themselves before they make the final decision.

Just keep the friendship until she pulls away. She can really use you right now. You don't want to come in the middle of this. You need to choose your actions right or she may see different and leave the friendship.

[Rich]

As a good friend all that you can be is supportive and to be there for her.

You guys had a shot at BF and GF, but she declined at this time for some reason.

She's hooked on this guy for some reason and until she gets it out of her system, then she will always go back to him.

I would just point out to her what you see as always transpiring in their relationship. Tell her that it kills you to see how he treats her, but as long as she stays that all you can do is to be there to support her.

You can't force her to choose you if she doesn't feel that way right now.

Rich

[SALly]

You are the "nice guy" she can always run to, and he is the "bad a$$" that she just can't get away from. That happens all the time. She could keep going back and forth for years. How old are you guys?

[bdtraders]

I for one need clarification, did you actually date her and have or were you just closer friends with no ?

If you dated her after she broke up with her BF then she went back to him, then consider it done. If you were to take her back in the future your just telling her that she can leave you at any time and always come back to you.

If you just became closer friends and then she went back to him, then stop worrying about it, she will be back, and only she can determine what is enough for her in that relationship (trust me on that one). Just be her friend and be there to LISTEN to her.

And if they were to break up again i wouldnt start anything right of the bat with her anyway, then you are just the rebound guy. She needs a break to collect herself before she can have anything with anyone.

But is still need clarification

[joshieD]

Yea... we did have and dated sort of... like we never really classified ourselfs as a couple. We've both liked each other for a lonnnnggg time but we've always been tied down so it almost came natural to take it to the next level... so to answer your question... close friends that had .

[Howard]

Joshie,When would you consider yourself a couple with him? :confused:

[joshieD]

Her* you mean. Umm i dont know really.. We didnt actually oficially announce to the public that we were dating... Maybe in my heart i was, but it wasnt a knwon fact to our friends etc...

some more new developements: all of her frinds have told her that this is a dumb move by going back out with him. Also things took a turn for more complications.. shes talking to my ex girlfriend about our past relationship and im afraid my ex is going to say a bunch of lies to push lindsay away from dating me.

[eightball61]

some more new developements: all of her frinds have told her that this is a dumb move by going back out with him. Also things took a turn for more complications.. shes talking to my ex girlfriend about our past relationship and im afraid my ex is going to say a bunch of lies to push lindsay away from dating me.


I don't really understand that she went back to her ex. but is asking your ex. about you??? :confused:

The only thing that makes sense to me and I have mentioned this in my last post but she is tryng to figure whats best for her. She has deep feelings for this guy and thats why she went back with him. She is just seeing if his words are true. I do believe and hoping that she will be smart enough to leave for good after the next incident of abuse. I am also thinking she is asking you ex. about you because again she is trying to figure out what she wants.

Her heart will make the proper decision. You won't be able to win her back that easy. The best thing you can do is be a friend to her. You don't want to fill her head with junk her to come back. Your goal is not to push her away and fillng her head with junk will. The only thing you can do right now is to sit back and see what happens...

Keep us posted

[Howard]

Her* you mean. Umm i dont know really.. We didnt actually oficially announce to the public that we were dating... Maybe in my heart i was, but it wasnt a knwon fact to our friends etc...

some more new developements: all of her frinds have told her that this is a dumb move by going back out with him. Also things took a turn for more complications.. shes talking to my ex girlfriend about our past relationship and im afraid my ex is going to say a bunch of lies to push lindsay away from dating me.



She shouldn't be doing that to you. :mad: That's not right at all. :mad:

[bdtraders]

Sorry i see nothing wrong with what she is doing to "YOU",

You are doing it to yourself by allowing her to have rebound with you then jump right back with him, how long are you gonna let this go on.

you care about her, thats fine, i have cared for females before and they could care less about me, thats life.

Its your choice if you want to remain her friend, but i woulnt have anymore with her unless you inside can start to distinguish a F*** session over real love.
She is confused, and SHE needs alot of help, by being her friend and having with her your not helping her.

Stop, shes not the one for you or she would be yours right now,

I hate to sound mean, but that is what i am seeing here and if you allow it to go on in this triangle thing of a relationship, YOU will get hurt, your her mr nice guy (wimp) and he is her bad boy (challenge).

Decide whats best for you.

[luvme4ever]

You can't really do anything but speak your mind, the rest you have to leave it up to her. Tell her this, "time can change mountain but can't change people" People are they way they are, you can't change them unless they really want to change for themselves. People often say love is blind.. right now, she is blind because of love. But sooner enough,she will figure out for herself that he's not good for her. As for you, just be yourself, and don't take her relationship and urs too seriously, because when she breaks up with her bf she comes to you, not because she want you, it's because she want comfort, and you will only get hurt if u take it too personally. I suggest u be a good friend and say anything you can to help her think and relax. But do not get too much emotional attach.

[joshieD]

Those are all verrry true statements. I do feel used by her in a way... I'm doing exactly waht you guys told me to do... leave it alone and be there when she wants me to. I went over to her house a little bit ago and left with these words... "Next time your heart is breaking in half because of your jerk boyfriend... just think of me... how i tried to show you open arms and an open heart but you rejected me." i never thought i could say somethin that harsh but parts of me are very angry right now...
No real new developements... she still gets a little jealous when i talk about girls around her and she still flirts excessively with me when she gets the chance to.

im getting confused. should i be postive? i really love this girl... ive spent 4 years as her friend slowly realizing she means more than just a friend.

[eightball61]

I'm doing exactly waht you guys told me to do... leave it alone and be there when she wants me to.

Did she ask you to come over then when you told her these words from this quote below????? Because if she didn't ask you then "no" you are not listening to us. You are still trying to brainwash with words that may just drive her away from you.

Its going to be very hard in maintaining a friendship and still having these feelings for her. You will need to seperate these past feelings while she goes out and does what she needs to do. You goal as I assume is not to lose her so you will need to double think your moves. In a way though she is fair game and I could tel you to go for it but that may not be the smartest thing to do(my opinion).


I went over to her house a little bit ago and left with these words... "Next time your heart is breaking in half because of your jerk boyfriend... just think of me... how i tried to show you open arms and an open heart but you rejected me." i never thought i could say somethin that harsh but parts of me are very angry right now...




__________________________

You also mention she is getting jealous when you talk about other girls around her :confused: I get confused by this because doesn't she even have the slightest clue to how you are feeling right now???

Like I said earlier, its going to be hard keeping a friendship without seperating the feelings. You gonna have to seperate those feelings or just leave her to be. As long as you keep your feelings there you will continue to have anger, fustration, and confusion.

You will be sitting around waiting for something that may never happen. You need to take your chances like she is and date other people. All you are doing is wasting time in yur short life for someone that choose someone else over you. You need to see the reality here........You may mean a lot to her but this guy means a lot mre than you do.