First post, Hi, need relationship advice

[Rub1987]

i have a issues it's with two girls, girl 1 and girl 2. girl 1 and i have a child together together where she got preg a few months into our relationship. tried hard in that relationship, but for one reason or another, i can't seem to get along with her very well. i feel like her personality does not work with mine well. Alot of times I do things that really upset her, except I feel like the things she gets upset about are not worth getting upset about. she would say hurtful things to me all the time, in a sarcastic fashion that made it seem like a joke, but felt like she meant the mean things she would say and i couldn't stand that.

after a couple years together a year after baby was born, i started looking for something new in my life because i felt i was at a very low point in my life. pressure of being a father combined with a relationship. I know this is what most people consider a bad thing after having a baby, but i felt very down about myself and felt like i needed to find happiness somewhere else or else i would be depressed my whole life.

I found someone new, girl 2. we started off strong, had a pretty good relationship at first. some things she told me about her past really made me mad though and eventually it kept digging into me and got worse. a few times at the beginning of our relationship (first few months) i did a couple things w/ my ex(1), which i felt like i did it because i was so mad at the stuff girl number 2 did that i lost sight of how i view relationships, and it really did. and she was going crazy and making constant accusation in an aggressive way, even though she didnt really know i did anything. i told her what i did cus she was getting so mad and after that she constantly would nag me if i was talking to girls, bringing up the stuff w/ girl 1 all the time and it sucked but i put up with it cus i felt like i had done wrong to her and i did care for her.

I started getting mad at her more and more all the time about the stuff she told me that made me mad, and she too would always yell at me for what i did. one day we just said we would break up cus it got so out of hand. when we were gonna really split she told me that this whole time we spent together (6mnths) she has been lying to me about that thing that made me angry all the time, and find out she's a pathological liar. i was shocked and didnt know what to do, but a week later i decided itd be ok and we could get back to together once but now we split again cus she was still getting very vocally aggressive with me alot about me being a cheater and this and that and contantly checking my phone and emails for stuff. so we got into another fight and this time she really left

now, i could talk to girl number 1 again, she wants to take me back, but i know i would still be unhappy with this girl for the rest of my life, even though I really miss my baby, i feel like a unhappy marital relationship is very bad. another thing that makes me sad about this is, although i feel like girl 1 and i get along poorly, i still care about her, and i know it makes her sad that i don't want to get back with her, and i don't like hurting her. at the same time i don't want to live a unhappy life because i don't feel like i'm getting the right type of love from my wife. and it doesn't matter who i'm with, if i'm not with girl 1 i can't see my child nearly as much as i would please, and the uncomfortable relationship between me and girl 1 is always going to suck which makes me sad to know and causes me not to know what to do.

girl #2 is asking for me back too. i like her and feel like we connect really well sometimes. she says she's gonna change stop questioning me about cheating and lighten up if i take her back. i could have a good life with her i feel if we dont fight, cus sometimes we do have a really good time. part of me also says don't take another chance, bad stuff will happen and i will be right back where i started. she sound sincere that shes gonna work on her temper and getting mad about stuff, but i feel like theres a good chance she wont improve and it will go back to how it was before.

i really want to be with my child and to not hurt anyone's feelings but remain in a happy relationship. no matter what if i don't go back w/number 1 her feelings will be hurt. if i don't take # 2 back, i will hurt her feelings, which i don't want to do either but i also feel like we can't work together so i kind of don't want to get back with her, but at the same time kind of do.

just thought i'd share this story. very frusterated. plz don't judge harshly. thanks

[smackie9]

Well really there is only one choice here....and that is not to bother with any of them. You tried, it didn't work, there are issues with both, so why do it all over again. There is nothing wrong with being a father without being with her. You do not stay with someone because of a kid. Kids are not stupid, they do sense the tension and you are not setting any good example. Just be a good dad and focus on doing positive things to improve your life. Having a gf doesn't give you a life, it should enhance it.

[Heathy]

I don't see why they are your only two options. Get away from both of them. I know you'll have to talk to girl 1 because of the kid but I think you just need some time to clear your head. Usually when something ends there was a good reason for it. It sounds like you're just dragging on both relationships and it's only hurting all three of you. Not helping.