I'm scared of something I don't even know.

[luvme4ever]

I don't know what's wrong, but I feel very strange. My boyfriend and i have been going out for 10 months now. And my mom hates him because she found out I lost my virginity to him. And now, my family won't let me see him. Occasionally we see each other once a week, but are not able to to spend as much time with each other like we used to. He's a very understanding boyfriend, he said it's alrite if my parents hate him. He'll wait for me to finish college. He have done nothing wrong for me to distrust him. But still, I feel so insecured. He's 26 and I'm 20. He have more freedom than I do. how am I trust him when I barely see him? It's so hard to keep a relationship like this. It's my first time being so in love, and this love scared me, and bring many insecurities and feelings I'm not comfortable with. But I still feel something is wrong.. I don't know wut to do. We don't talk much either. The only time we talk alot is when i see him in person or online. Especially online, because it's so easy to say it online than on the phone. I have issue with phone and I think he does too. I just don't know. we don't have much incommon, I just know that when I'm with him, I'm happy.. and time fly by so fast when I'm with him. But what the hell is this uncomfortable feeling I'm having?! I can't put a stop to it. I wish I could! This feeling is scarying meee. I bet u're confused as hell after you read all these.

Well I take back the part that we don't talk much.. but when we talk, tend to stay away from personal stuffs. like the future and stuffs like that, cuz I feel wierd about it. He's not my first boyfriend, but he is the first person I love and have true feelings for. We talk everynite. for about 3 hours. Don't ask me what we talk about, cuz I really dunno... but I still feel that we're lack of communication.

[bdtraders]

Is he your first BF? Everyone feels that way about their first, you say you dont have alot in common and you cant communicate well over the phone.
Do you communicate better in perseon? Communnication is the key to happiness in a relationship.
As far as your mom is concerned, her house her rules. simple as that, i know it sounds stupid and dumb cause your 20 but her house her rules.
You need to decide if this is it, or just a guy you lost your virginity to. To me it sounds like you arnt very compantible with him if you say you dont have alot in common. All i got out of it is yo ureall ylove him but were not compatible and dont really talk much and when we do it goes better on the computer.

He is one in a million guys.....do you feel that you could be happier, have more in common, think about it cause you can.

Food for thought.

[luvme4ever]

My first boyfriend and I have many things incommon, that was one of the reason why i ended the 2 months relationship. As for this guy, his difference is one of the thing that made me attracted to him.

[bdtraders]

Your only other alternative is get roommates and live on your own and see him as much as you want, but your moms house her rules.

[luvme4ever]

it's hard for me to leave the house, because parents are strict, even though I'm 20, but they still see me as a lil girl. and if I leave them, I'll feel bad, becuz all they have is me. Well, after I read all the other people's problem, it make me appreciate my bf alot more. It makes me smile because i constantly try to make him mad, yet he's still calm and never yell at me. He's always patient when he deal with me. My mood goes up and down like a kid in a toys store. I'm so graceful that he have the patient to deal with me. : ) oyyyy I love him.

[bdtraders]

it's hard for me to leave the house, because parents are strict, even though I'm 20, but they still see me as a lil girl. and if I leave them, I'll feel bad, becuz all they have is me.


You have to leave sometime, you will always be their daughter but you cant live there forever, it will effect your life, it has already. Of course they will feel bad if you leave,they will get over it. Its what we do, we grow up and leave the nest.

You need to decide whats more important, your parents hapiness or yours.

[luvme4ever]

lets just keep my parents out of this, because I can't leave them until 1-2 more yrs. But how about my bf and I?

[bdtraders]

Your parents were brought up by you. You made it seem like they are the reason you and him dont see enough of each other.

On the trust issue, either you trust him or you dont.

Im sure you will take this the wrong way but it has to be said.

You have alot of maturing to do.

[luvme4ever]

I don't mind you saying that I have a lot of maturing to do, because all of us sometime need to mature a lil bit more. : ) with everything I wrote, it does make it that my bf is a lot mature than I am. that's so hard about age different.

[bdtraders]

very true, i know i can always my more mature.
but on the honesty past, if he has given you no reason to not trust him then stop worrying about it. Like you told others all you will do is start driving him away with your insecurities.
Trust is a key item in any relationship as Im sure you know, you spend 3 hours every night talking to him, tell him how you feel and let him calm your nerves. Be there for each other. Communicate your fears with him about what makes you feel insecure and let him calm your nerves for you, work as a team. but after he calms your fears try to discard them, if it keeps going on you will just drive him away

[luvme4ever]

but in the other posts, I said jealousy driver others away.. as for me. I'm not even sure of wut i'm feeling.

[eightball61]

Ok.....You are 20 years of age right? Can you explain to me why or how you allow your parents to control you like this?

I understand you live under thier roof but you are now over the legal age and considered an adult. Being an adult doesn't mean that you are going to disrespect their rules being under their roof.....it simply means you are old enough to make outside decisions for yourself.

They have limited you to only seeing your boyfriend to once a week :confused: Please explain how or even why you allow this??? I am glad to hear he is a very undertanding boyfriend but I sense there may be more to this and I like it if you can please share with us more detail on things. I just find it really odd that you allow them to control you this much at the age of 20 :confused:

[luvme4ever]

Go find an asian gurl and ask how her parents are.. u'll understand.. and how asian family work

[eightball61]

My point is that you are going to let your parents ruin this relationship for you. If this relationship feel true an you want to spend your life with this guy then nothing should come in the way. Sure parents should be number one till you have your own family but you need to give some headroom so you get that chance to work your way up to start a family. If you allow these conditions to continue then its only going to get worse down the road.

The way I see things, is in life you should live for what you want & not what others want. You know yourself better than anyone else so thats why I am a strong believer in living live for you and you only. If you allow others to control it then you will end up miserable....thats just my opinion.

[Rich]

I was with an Asian girl early in my life and I can understand the respect issue and how your parents are looking out for you. With the Japanese it's more respectfulness, politeness and with the Chinese, it's more of controling thing. Not really clear on Korean home life though.

I also spent 4 years in Asia while in the USAF so I've seen that culture upclose.

It's hard here to give an answer because your feelings and posts are all over the place. You love your BF but treat him badly. You love your BF but you two don't talk about "deep stuff".

Can I ask you, can you decribe what you consider love is? What do you love about your Bf? What is love to you?

I think what you might be feeling in your gut, is your women's intuition. Maybe you're feeling that your BF is also seeing other women.

My sense is that with your BF not breaking down your door to try and see you, that maybe he's ok with just seeing you "whenever" so that he can see other girls. If he was truly head over heels in love with you, then he'd be trying to see you any which way that he could. That he would be working around your parents restriction of you seeing him. He wouldn't be settling for that if you were the only one in his life.

I just think that you're getting wierd vibes for a reason. There are probably little things that you're picking up on during your conversations like the tone of his voice or by how he answers things.

My advice to you is that you're young and you have a lot of time ahead of you to get married. Go to college and get a degree.

Get a job. Have a career.

Move out of your parents house and experience life as an adult and on your own.

Continue to grow and mature.

Right now you're not ready to settle down by any means and have that relationship work long term.

In order to know what you want, you need to know who you are. Who are you? Can you define who you are as a person or is that still developing?

Keep growing and define yourself.

Rich

[luvme4ever]

The fact is, he and I see each other every week. Even though my parents don't allow it, he understand, but we still sneak around to see each other: ) Like he stop by mostly everyday after work and sit there and talk to me about his day. Our relationship is very strange, I guess you can say it's my fault. Because it's my first time falling in love, and I'm scared of the new feelings, and it freaked me out to talk about something so personal. There's this thing and me about space, if i don't have my space, I'll panic and just run off like my last relationship.

[Howard]

My point is that you are going to let your parents ruin this relationship for you. If this relationship feel true an you want to spend your life with this guy then nothing should come in the way. Sure parents should be number one till you have your own family but you need to give some headroom so you get that chance to work your way up to start a family. If you allow these conditions to continue then its only going to get worse down the road.

The way I see things, is in life you should live for what you want & not what others want. You know yourself better than anyone else so thats why I am a strong believer in living live for you and you only. If you allow others to control it then you will end up miserable....thats just my opinion.



Don't let others control your life,you have to do what's best for YOU and not what anyone else says is true. :)

[eightball61]

Its a scary thing when you are new to something but it can also be a wonderful thing. If you this guy to be the one then don't go running off or show him distance. He will get a bad vibe from things and move on. You need to be more settled with your life. You are only 20 ad I don't expect you to have your life drawn out on a map but you need to have some kind of sense where you may want your life to go. The only person that can give you the life you want is "you". You need to really think about what you want, where to head, and what it will take to get there. If you continue this life of someone else running it then you may end up as a lost sole.....