Falkon
05-26-2010, 03:49 AM
Good Evening,
I never thought I'd be posting on a forum like this looking for advice, or another perspective. Let me give a little background to this situation I found myself in. I'm hoping that I'm just over thinking it, but I just don't know, it keeps running through my mind, and makes logical sense.
My girlfriend and I are in the military, and she recently was deployed. This is one of the hardest times I've ever experienced in my life with her being gone. I'm extremely faithful to her, but I worry about if she is being faithful to me. We have a schedule so we can chat online whenever possible to keep our relationship alive. For me, the physical aspect isn't really that big of a deal because I've been used to being alone for so long. She on the other hand, needs that physical attention, or at least that is the way it seems with her actions. Before she left, we spent the best week ever together, and we also decided that when she gets back we are going to get married. I have a special way that I want to propose though, and it involves the northern lights. ;) She helped me cosign a lease for an apartment, and she's having her cat shipped out to me. This is all fine and dandy right? Well here's where it gets tricky...
We've talked about how we are disgusted with the infidelity that happens within the military during deployments and even during training when away from loved ones. We both agreed about this, and how we aren't going to let this happen to us. I have no problem with this because I'm a real shy guy anyway, and girls don't pursue me like guys pursue her. She's incredibly beautiful, so I understand that is going to happen regardless of where she is. Well after a couple of weeks being gone, she says, "I understand now why people do the things they do when they are over here... it sure does get lonely." Then she goes on to tell me about how people just have arrangements where they have but have an understanding that they go their separate ways after deployment. She says that it isn't worth it to ruin something so good at home over a fling. I didn't respond very positively to it because I didn't like that she was being understanding of these adulterers. She picked up on it, and I let her know how I feel about it. She said that if we weren't together there were definitely a couple of guys that she was interested in like that, but that they would never replace me because they couldn't give her what I do. I told her that I'm not even able to be interested in other women because I'm so in love with her... and that's the truth, I can't even to the thought of another woman, I've tried.. ()
She goes and hangs out with a bunch of guys on her off hours of work, and she does this with 2 other females, who I don't really think are the best influence. One is a , and the other is a complete slut. That actually just reminded me, she also said that people who are deployed don't care if they are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and only sometimes care if they are actually engaged or married. Anyway, she does this late at night after work, and I usually talk to her about this time because it is right before I go to work for me. I haven't really thought much of it because I'm trying to be trusting and not worry about it. It's just incredibly hard after all this stuff she tells me. I know that there is plenty of infidelity as well since I've seen it first hand by the way.
Alright, to the meat and potatoes of what I'm obsessing over. Today before work, we got on to chat at our usual time, and she isn't feeling well. I'm caring as possible and it sucks to see her not feeling well with a headache. She says she's really tired and doesn't seem like she wants to talk to me. She says she needs to go take a shower after a couple minutes of talking, and usually we talk for at least an hour before I go to work and she goes to bed or goes to play cards and darts or whatever they do. I was understanding and hoping that she would feel better after a shower and we could talk. So I got my shower as well while she was showering, because I asked her if she would get on so I could say goodbye before I went to work. On to the part that I was intrigued by. When she returned I could tell she was showered, but she had also put on a bunch of makeup and looked all dolled up. I thought to myself this was kind of weird since she wasn't feeling good and it was bed time. Then she proceeded to say that she was going to let me go so I could get ready for work. I had already gotten ready for work because of the shower break in our chat time. I thought this was also odd because usually she never wants me to go, and when it is time for me to go get ready for work it is a struggle to say goodbye. I've asked her if she is cheating, and she never actually says no either.... she says that she would be a fool to jeopardize our relationship because I'm so good to her, and she cosigned a lease with me, and is sending me her cat. It isn't exactly the answer I'm looking for... sometimes I feel like that is a diplomatic answer. It's like she doesn't want to lose me because she's never had anyone like me, but on the same token I don't want her to stay with me because I'm good to her... I want to be with her because she loves me. I'm with her because I'm in love with her, sometimes she can be a real pain to deal with, but that's just women I figure. I guess I just feel like she's not as in love with me as I am with her, and it eats at me, and especially thinking she's having some fling with a guy, but knows that she doesn't want him, he's just a stand in while I'm gone. I hate thinking this, and I'm just hoping that someone can help me out, or give me some advice.
Thanks for reading if you got to the bottom by the way. :)
I never thought I'd be posting on a forum like this looking for advice, or another perspective. Let me give a little background to this situation I found myself in. I'm hoping that I'm just over thinking it, but I just don't know, it keeps running through my mind, and makes logical sense.
My girlfriend and I are in the military, and she recently was deployed. This is one of the hardest times I've ever experienced in my life with her being gone. I'm extremely faithful to her, but I worry about if she is being faithful to me. We have a schedule so we can chat online whenever possible to keep our relationship alive. For me, the physical aspect isn't really that big of a deal because I've been used to being alone for so long. She on the other hand, needs that physical attention, or at least that is the way it seems with her actions. Before she left, we spent the best week ever together, and we also decided that when she gets back we are going to get married. I have a special way that I want to propose though, and it involves the northern lights. ;) She helped me cosign a lease for an apartment, and she's having her cat shipped out to me. This is all fine and dandy right? Well here's where it gets tricky...
We've talked about how we are disgusted with the infidelity that happens within the military during deployments and even during training when away from loved ones. We both agreed about this, and how we aren't going to let this happen to us. I have no problem with this because I'm a real shy guy anyway, and girls don't pursue me like guys pursue her. She's incredibly beautiful, so I understand that is going to happen regardless of where she is. Well after a couple of weeks being gone, she says, "I understand now why people do the things they do when they are over here... it sure does get lonely." Then she goes on to tell me about how people just have arrangements where they have but have an understanding that they go their separate ways after deployment. She says that it isn't worth it to ruin something so good at home over a fling. I didn't respond very positively to it because I didn't like that she was being understanding of these adulterers. She picked up on it, and I let her know how I feel about it. She said that if we weren't together there were definitely a couple of guys that she was interested in like that, but that they would never replace me because they couldn't give her what I do. I told her that I'm not even able to be interested in other women because I'm so in love with her... and that's the truth, I can't even to the thought of another woman, I've tried.. ()
She goes and hangs out with a bunch of guys on her off hours of work, and she does this with 2 other females, who I don't really think are the best influence. One is a , and the other is a complete slut. That actually just reminded me, she also said that people who are deployed don't care if they are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and only sometimes care if they are actually engaged or married. Anyway, she does this late at night after work, and I usually talk to her about this time because it is right before I go to work for me. I haven't really thought much of it because I'm trying to be trusting and not worry about it. It's just incredibly hard after all this stuff she tells me. I know that there is plenty of infidelity as well since I've seen it first hand by the way.
Alright, to the meat and potatoes of what I'm obsessing over. Today before work, we got on to chat at our usual time, and she isn't feeling well. I'm caring as possible and it sucks to see her not feeling well with a headache. She says she's really tired and doesn't seem like she wants to talk to me. She says she needs to go take a shower after a couple minutes of talking, and usually we talk for at least an hour before I go to work and she goes to bed or goes to play cards and darts or whatever they do. I was understanding and hoping that she would feel better after a shower and we could talk. So I got my shower as well while she was showering, because I asked her if she would get on so I could say goodbye before I went to work. On to the part that I was intrigued by. When she returned I could tell she was showered, but she had also put on a bunch of makeup and looked all dolled up. I thought to myself this was kind of weird since she wasn't feeling good and it was bed time. Then she proceeded to say that she was going to let me go so I could get ready for work. I had already gotten ready for work because of the shower break in our chat time. I thought this was also odd because usually she never wants me to go, and when it is time for me to go get ready for work it is a struggle to say goodbye. I've asked her if she is cheating, and she never actually says no either.... she says that she would be a fool to jeopardize our relationship because I'm so good to her, and she cosigned a lease with me, and is sending me her cat. It isn't exactly the answer I'm looking for... sometimes I feel like that is a diplomatic answer. It's like she doesn't want to lose me because she's never had anyone like me, but on the same token I don't want her to stay with me because I'm good to her... I want to be with her because she loves me. I'm with her because I'm in love with her, sometimes she can be a real pain to deal with, but that's just women I figure. I guess I just feel like she's not as in love with me as I am with her, and it eats at me, and especially thinking she's having some fling with a guy, but knows that she doesn't want him, he's just a stand in while I'm gone. I hate thinking this, and I'm just hoping that someone can help me out, or give me some advice.
Thanks for reading if you got to the bottom by the way. :)