What do I do?

[mikeymike]

I'm in a long distance relationship and I get to see her about every other weekend and so far everything has been perfect (or at least it seems). I really love her and I think she really loves me too but some things have happened recently that kinda have me on edge because I don't know what to do.

She hasn't gone into complete details about her past but she has told me that alot of guys have tried stuff with her and she has a hard time keeping them away because they are so aggresive. She says she has never done anything with them and I believe her. Right now she tries to stay away from places where those types of guys might be unless I am there with her.

In the times between we get to see each other, we mostly talk on the phone alot and we use the webcams on msn. She has alot, and I mean ALOT of people on her messangers, most of which were other guys from when she wasnt with me and she met them on hot or not and other various dating places. She doesn't go crazy on the webcam or anything but occasionally she flashes me or dances for me which is okay, at least I thought so.

I've asked her about the guys she talks to online and she says most of them she never talks to (which i can believe because theres a ton of contacts) but the ones she does talk to are just really good friends and would never want to try anything with her. I don't have a problem with her talking to other people, even other guys, but it does make me nervous since she met them on dating places and everyone is there for the same reason...

She told me I am the only person she has flashed or gotten for on a webcam (which was hard for me to believe and if she was honest and told me she had before me, it wouldnt have bothered me).

This is what happened. One of the guys she talks to all the time wanted to meet her, and she wanted to meet him too because they had been talking a long time and were good friends. I told her I didn't have a problem with that as long as I was there too. That didn't make her mad when I said that, and she said her friend completely understood why I wouldn't want her to meet a guy from the internet, especially alone.

I've never talked to this guy online and I honestly don't know the type of guy he is so up until now I've taken my girlfriends word for it that hes a good guy.

Well yesterday, another one of her contacts who also has talked to me a few times, out of the blue starts talking to me. He said he usually would never say anything because its not his business, but he knows I'm a nice guy and I treat my girl really well and would never even think about hurting her in any way. He said that he has been in many (not a few) msn convos with my girlfriend where she has stripped and done stuff in front of the cam for him. Whats worse is that he is a good friend with the guy I've been talking about earlier who she wants to meet. Apparently, he has told this guy that my girlfriend strips for him too alot and STILL does it. He says he wanted to tell me this because he was concerned for me and that when she started telling him about me and he knew she had a boyfriend and was still wanting to do stuff on the cam, he felt like that wasn't right and it was something I probably should know about.

This is my situation and I'm hurt. I really love this girl and I trust her. I know there is a chance this guy was lying about this to me, but I can't think of a reason he would lie about this... I honestly feel that she has never come into personal contact with these guys and its just over the internet, but it is tearing me apart inside right now and I feel sick.

Why would she do that in front of other guys? Why would she lie to me and says she has never done that with other guys? What if I confront her about this and she completely denies it and says the guys was lying? Do I believe her or remain concerned?

What do I do?

[SALly]

I would say she is probably doing it. It sounds like she isn't ready for a serious steady realationship. How old are you guys?

[luvme4ever]

Here's my advice to you. I too talk to a lot of guys and my boyfriend doesn't likes it. But that's only talking, I really never interest in meeting them on dates or anything. Whatever it is, I put my boyfriend first. The only time I talk to them other guys is when my boyfriend is not available or need to take my mind off something. The fact that she wants to meet others guys, that is wrong, she is up to something. You should tell her that in a relationship she and u must put each other first and that u're not suppose to freaking go on dates with others guys despite the fact that she often said it doesn''t mean nothing much. If she's in a relationship and still want to go meet others guys, then it mean that she's not ready to have a relationship. That's wut my boyfriend told me. and it changed me. But yet.. I still do talk other guys sometime when I'm bored, but I talk to them normally and make sure I don't lead them on. Overal, just be strong and put the words straight out to her. she'll b scared, she'll stop.

[mikeymike]

She is 18 and I am 22.

I also want to say that I did not meet her online, we met on a vacation trip last summer and got to know each other in person and then kept in touch online and I started to see her on weekends and eventually things progressed.

I would normally agree with what you said about her not really wanting a steady relationship but thats where I'm hung up because when I'm with her, she always talks about how much she loves me and wants to be with me all the time and it feels so real. I've never felt like she hasn't meant what she says to me which is why finding out all of this stuff kindof hit me in the face and took my by surprise because I would never have thought she was the type to do stuff like this.

What hurts me the most right now is that when she was talking about the guy she wants to meet, she says how much of a sweetheart he is and he would never want to do anything with her because its "not like that" and that they are just really good friends. Well if the stuff I was told was true, then not only do I get hit with the fact she lied about never doing anything on her cam with other people, but also she has other intentions with this guy since they have probably had webcam conversations of a ual nature considering she likes to get for him and who know if she has seen him which I don't even want to begin to think about that one :(

[eightball61]

If you trust her enough to believe her words then you need to add this guy or guys to your ignore list. Stop talking to them so they confuse you. ITs very hard to believe someone when they come on out of the blue saying stuff like this. If you don't trust her then you need to just part ways and date someone closer that you can trust.

You both are stuck inbetween computers and video chat so you have no real way in knowing what she does or she has no way in knowing what you do. I am not going to sit here and tell you to end it with her because we really don't know. All you can do is believe what you want to believe.

You mention that you are hurt over this and I would really like to know whats hurting you since you stated you trust her? If the hurt is because of what this guy has said then you need to just block him out and trick your mind into thinking he is a freak. He may be there just to ruin your relationship and right now his affect have taken the best of you......you can't allow this to happen.

[mikeymike]

It would be alot easier I guess if the damn webcam wasn't involved. I don't really see much harm in her talking to other guys online, but the fact that they can see her and she sometimes gets crazy for them and flashes them and whatever just makes me so upset knowing that other guys are looking at my girlfriend :(

[Howard]

It would be alot easier I guess if the damn webcam wasn't involved. I don't really see much harm in her talking to other guys online, but the fact that they can see her and she sometimes gets crazy for them and flashes them and whatever just makes me so upset knowing that other guys are looking at my girlfriend :(


Hope you feel better Mikey. :)
Don't worry about it. :)

[SALly]

I think you just need to bring it up to her....that you heard she is on her webcam for others. See what she says. Tell her that this other guy is saying that about her. If she isn't doing it, I'm sure she doesn't want these guys to be saying it and passing that rumor around.

[eightball61]

but the fact that they can see her and she sometimes gets crazy for them and flashes them and whatever just makes me so upset knowing that other guys are looking at my girlfriend :(


I may have missed this but did she say she does flash them? :confused:


If so, then I would imagine being in a relationship she would be a little more respectful to you and herself..

[mikeymike]

I will try. I am seeing her this weekend. Wish me luck guys.

I really really hope that what I've heard isn't true. I love her so much.

[eightball61]

Please keep us posted...

[Howard]

I will try. I am seeing her this weekend. Wish me luck guys.

I really really hope that what I've heard isn't true. I love her so much.


Good Luck Mike.Hope everything turns out for the best. :D ;)

[SALly]

This is what I get from the situation: I'm sorry but she met these guys online and says they are just really good friends and wants to meet. That's bullcrap. She's young, she's having fun. She is hanging on to you so she has someone to fall back on, but in the meantime she is gonna have all the fun she can. If you want to accept that, then that is fine and your decision. I wouldn't try to hold her down if she isn't ready.
Just my opinions....

[eightball61]

SALly, your "womens" opinion is well respected here. I do feel the same thing that you do here. They are in a relationship and she should have a little more respect. If she wants to have the fun the she should be fair to him and break things off instead of leading him on like she is.

[inquisitive]

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that this guy is telling you the truth. She's never given you reason to doubt her before, so talk to her. See what her reaction is. If this guy is lying then she should not want to meet him, and would be confronting the other one to see if he actually said that she was doing this.

The problem here is that it's all heresay. It's unfair to judge her on heresay. The fact that she has no problem that you don't want her meeting him without you present says alot. To me it says she hasn't got anything to hide.

[inquisitive]

SALly, your "womens" opinion is well respected here. I do feel the same thing that you do here. They are in a relationship and she should have a little more respect. If she wants to have the fun the she should be fair to him and break things off instead of leading him on like she is.


The problem there is there is no proof that's what she's doing. Just some guy on the internet's word. If there is proof then I completely agree!

[eightball61]

If there is proof then I completely agree!


Well, maybe he should get a friend of his that she doesn't know and have him start talking to her. This would be to see how she reacts with him............ Its sneaking around and shouldn't be done but if he wants a real answer this may give him the closure he needs or he can just trust her word and block the other dude that is talking all this crap to him.

[SALly]

Good idea 8ball, I cant' believe you would suggest something like that though.

I agree that it boils down to whether it is true or not.

[eightball61]

I bit my tongue as I writing it but it may be the only solution to know....right? Relationships are heavily weighed on trust and its either he's going to trust her word or not going to trust. If he doesn't trust then he needs to do whats best for the relationship because now trust will always be an issue in this relationship.

[inquisitive]

You're right it may be the only way to find out, since it's a hard thing to prove. But if you do that I'd make sure she never found out about it. Maybe she wouldn't do it for these guys and now they're trying to get back at her. Who really knows?

[eightball61]

One more thing and this goes along the lines of proof as inquisitive pointed out.

When I was single, I always talked to new people through webcam. I loved meeting girls and trying to get them to do crazy things. I was a perv. at the time and will say I am not quite proud of what I done but what I did is every time I had a good crazy chat going then I would save the video file onto my hard drive for latter use. Many guy friends I knew did the same thing and we shared files on our sessions for kicks or whatever.

I am willing to bet that this guy that talks to you is one of those guys. I wouldn't doubt he may save this type of material. If he doesn't then he's an idiot but smart. What I want you to do is have him provide proof. If he doesn't have footage then have him save his next talk with her and send it to you. That alone could be the proof you are looking for....

[SALly]

Great idea (you perv)

[eightball61]

I guess I can help being human :p ...lol

Have a good weekend SALly :)

[SALly]

It is nice to know you aren't perfect.... :D 8ball is human after all.... that should be the quote of the day.... :p
Take care. Have a great weekend everyone!

[eightball61]

Perfect ???? :confused: Ohhhhh.... We went over that before :p

Well SALly, you have a good weekend yourself & see you Monday.

[SALly]

Hahahahaha.... I plan to have fun. We are going out tonight. A local restaurant/bar is having fireworks tonight. Should be fun! I just spent an hour reading bdtraders how can I return to the way it was....or whatever the heck it is.... I am ready to cry about that one. I wish I could just go there and talk to those two in person...... I'll hafta reply tomorrow or tonight while I'm drunk... ugh... about that one! We are about to leave.

[Howard]

It is nice to know you aren't perfect.... :D 8ball is human after all.... that should be the quote of the day.... :p
Take care. Have a great weekend everyone!



nobody's perfect Sally.We all do make mistakes sometimes.We aren't machines,We're only human!
Have a pleasant weekend! :)

[SALly]

nobody's perfect Sally.We all do make mistakes sometimes.We aren't machines,We're only human!
Have a pleasant weekend! :)
I was just kidding Howard!!!

[eightball61]

I was just kidding Howard!!!


haha........................howards post made me chuckle :p lol

[bdtraders]

I just find it humorous that she does it for her BF, then this other guy out of the blue she talks to tells him that she does the same thing...how ironic, unless he told this other guy that she did that.

just seems odd that the other guy would pull of all things out of his hat the web cam thing if it wasnt true.

[Howard]

haha........................howards post made me chuckle :p lol



Well,it's true 8Ball.We're not machines,we don't have people pushing our buttons all the damn time! :mad: