help.... he wants me back and im so confused.

[mia]

my x bf and i had a long distance relationship, i live in canada and he lives in usa. we saw each other about every 6 weeks, and when we wernt together spoke every day on the internet or phone, we loved each other so much, BUT he always kept telling me he didnt think he would ever live together or get married, i asked him once what was it he wanted, always having me as a part time gf, always being so far apart, and he would just kind of laff a lil and say no, i was willing to move to usa to be closer to him, he left me an email after we were together about 8 months, and said sorry i cant give you what you want please move on, i was so shocked and upset that he did it that way, anyway about a month went by and he sent me an email saying he was sorry and missed me alot and would i forgive him, i did, and we saw each other again for about another 7 months, he said he was going to check into me moving there to him, then all of a sudden again he sent me another email same way as he did the last time he left me, saying he wa sorry it wasnt going to work out he couldnt commit to me again, i was upset but sort of expected it again, anyway about 2 months later he mailed me again saying he was really sorry and a big fool and missed me so much and loves me more then life itself, and we have kept in touch for nearly two years now writing and speaking once in awhile on the phone, he says he never wants to loose me and will marry me to prove it to me, he even drove from florida to canada to prove to me how much he loves me and wanted me to go move to usa right then with him, and would marry me here in canada to prove his love, he said he is so depressed without me in his life and wishes he could turn back time and erase ever leaving me before, now im so confused, because during the 2 months i hadnt heard from him,and i thought that because he had done that once before to me it was definitely over this time, i met another guy, and we have been together since, but our relationship isnt so great and im not as happy as i was with my x bf. but i feel guilty leaving my current bf to go back to my x. any advice would help.

[SALly]

So is your current boyfriend the one who doesn't want to have with you? You need to do what you feel in your heart. Which guy do you want to be with right now.....and do it. What I don't think you should do is....go with the ex, then if he "decides" he can't do it again and wants to break up again, don't run back to the current who would then be the ex.....don't let that vicious cycle begin... Geez, did that make any sense?!! :eek:

[eightball61]

but i feel guilty leaving my current bf to go back to my x. .


Why would you even think about leaving your current boyfriend for an ex.? If you are in a commitited relationship the you would never think about this. Personally, I feel you are just not ready to settle down yet.

I will give you the benefit of doubt though because your emotions could be mixed from your current relationship. One way or another you need to make an adult decision here. You first need to figure out what you want out of this current relationship. If you want to stay and try to work on things with your current boyfriend then drop all communication with your ex. boyfriend. I am sure you wouldn't like your current boyfriend to talk to an ex. like this so its time to learn to respect a relationship. If you figure you need to leave then be fair to him and leave. Give some time for yourself though so you can figure out what you want.

I have always felt that anytime you are in a relationship and your mind wonders off in wanting to be with someone else then its best to break things off. If you end things in the relationship for space to think about whats ging on then you are being fair to him and yourself. You not ready though right now. You ar being easily convinced by an ex. that allready had his chance and lost it. You go with your heart and make the best possible choice for yourself. the only thing I will ask of you is to be fair to your current boyfriend and not hold him on whilee you make your mind up.....thats just not a fair thing to do.

I wish you luck.;)

[mia]

yes my current bf is the one that doesnt want . and if i did leave him i wouldnt prob go right to my x bf i would take some time for myself first to really think about things. i have spoke to my current bf about having time apart, but he says no he doesnt want me to go as he will miss me and loves me, but when im here he hardly shows any love at all, hes the verbally abusive one i spoke about in another post, he can be real nasty and cursing me then when i have taken enuff and tell him i cant take no more, he starts trying to make me laff and says he will change and he loves me alot. its so confusing, and i have had time away before and we talked about alot but soon as i came back he acts the same again, acts nice for a time then back to his nasty ways. and says every couple has disagreements, etc, but nasty words cant be taken back once there said. (and they are very nasty insults) everyone says then just leave but its hard to understand unless u have been in an abusive relationship yourself, he makes me feel like i am worthess and no one else will want me, and my self esteem goes so low, and no matter how nasty he is to me, i am made to feel guilty about leaving him, so i stay and keep thinking it will change, and for a short time it does but not for long. but he has a way to make me feel like its all my fault and its just a silly lil disagreement. thats what 2 yrs of mental and verbal abuse does to you, i know i should go and never look back and think of me for a change, but i tried and i came back because i felt so guilty for leaving him and felt sorry for him because i left him alone. so when i think of my x bf and how happy i was when i was with him, i think of the kind of life i wanted and could have again, but this damn guilt is in my way of being happy.

[eightball61]

I really think you should take a time out to think about what you really want. I am believing your current BF tells you all this crap just to keep you by. He lacks respect, appreciation, and .....that is not how a real BF acts. To me I see he is just keeping you by to say he has a GF.

[SALly]

Get away from that guy. He has no respect for you. When you finally can't take it anymore he tries to keep you but saying whatever he thinks you want to hear, and whatever will keep you there. You can't live a whole lifetime like that. Get away now, there are millions of guys in the world.

[Rich]

Don't marry this guy.

I don't understand how or why you would consider marrying someone that you don't truly even know. And all that you do know of him, is that he dumped you twice already.

To marry or live with someone strictly from a LDR is foolish.

IMO you need to see and deal with people on a continual face to face basis to see truly see how they are as a person. Periodic get together's and IM'ing can't replace that.

I won't speak about your current BF here because I addressed that in your other post.

IMO, if you move to the US and go live with this guy, you'll sort of regret it down the line. It probably won't work out.

Just my opinion.

Rich