She is sucking me dry

[mpolster]

I think my girlfriend is sucking me dry. I have been doing some reading on the internet and came across this disorder called Relationship Leaching. It is for people that have an issue of taking advantage of people. I think my girlfriend falls into that. As soon as she moved in she quit working. She does nothing but lay around the house needing money. How can I get her help? Is anyone familiar with Relationship Leaching? Also I found info at: http://www.relationshipleaches.blogspot.com/

Please Help Thanks....:)

[smackie9]

No matter how you slice it this falls upon you. You should have told her right off at the start yoiu don't play this game. I don't think it's a disorder. In her pea brain, she feeling that any guy that she dates should support her, buy her things, etc...kinda like prostitution. She provides , you feed and cloth her.

[BorealSoul]

1/. Make clear your expectation that she work/contribute.
2/. Accept no excuses
3/. Set a time frame for this to happen.
4/. Do not be distracted by tears/anger/bribes

Smackie,
I was married and the sole breadwinner for a while. She was a stay at home mom. It works if both agree to it.

[smackie9]

1/. Make clear your expectation that she work/contribute.
2/. Accept no excuses
3/. Set a time frame for this to happen.
4/. Do not be distracted by tears/anger/bribes

Smackie,
I was married and the sole breadwinner for a while. She was a stay at home mom. It works if both agree to it.

It's obvious that in this case there wasn't an agreement or even a dicussion. This guy is looking for excuses for her when he has to face the fact that she is probably using him for support. If he confronted her there is a possability that she will leave him...that is what he fears will happen so he looks for other ways to avoid this.

[BorealSoul]

It's obvious that in this case there wasn't an agreement or even a dicussion. This guy is looking for excuses for her when he has to face the fact that she is probably using him for support. If he confronted her there is a possability that she will leave him...that is what he fears will happen so he looks for other ways to avoid this.

I'll agree, but there can be another side to issues. BUT! I have seen a lot of good problem discriptions on this forum and surprisingly enough they appear, on the surface, to be somewhat fair analysis of the situation(s):eek:

[packagedealx3]

I agree that this is on the OP. I also feel that Boreal gave you some good advice that keeps it simple. You didn't talk about this before she moved in, which you should have, she should have been responsible for half the bills and depending on your status as a homeowner, half the rent unless you are buying then I think it is fair for her to contribute less as she will walk from the relationship with nothing and you will have a house that she essentially helped to pay for. She gets in that arrangement a nice place to live for far less in rent than she would probably pay for something that isn't as nice.

Smackie, I don't see anything wrong with someone not working if they happen to marry a wealthy guy and he doesn't care whether his wife works or not. I don't think most people are in that position and I certainly cannot imagine not working if I didn't have kids because I would within a relatively short time be completely bored off my ass despite my penchant for reading.

Sounds like you also need to decide if you want this chick in your life if she doesn't at least start keeping house and having your meal ready when you get home. I have now essentially been doing the SAHM thing for 18 years, but the last 15 I was also running a business from my home. Looking back I would love to have been able to do the mom thing, keep a nice house, without working. I wouldn't have felt like I wasn't giving 100% to anything I was doing and taking time to just "be" at a kid's pace is much easier to manage when deadlines don't have you eying your watch.

I'm assuming that there are no kids in this situation or is she just being lazy as a mom?

[smackie9]

Hey you guys, I don't know where I said anywhere that I'm against a wife that doesn't work and stays at home....This is totally off topic to what the poster is talking about. We are not talking about a married couple here. It's a guy who has a gf that decided on her own that he can support her now that they are living together.

[Rich]

The higher level aspects to look at with this girl is her mindset. For someone to think along the lines that she thinks and to do what she did...well thhat says that her values, morals and thought process are screwed up.

She's thinking of her and not you both. Me and not we. To think that way right off the bat instead of the other way in working hard, contributing and hopefully building a nest egg for the next steps of your relationship (marriage, house, kids) says all that you need to know.

Do you want a wife who thinks this way? A mother to your children who thinks that way?

Break up with her. Doesn't matter if she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. There's lots of girls good at and trust me, her being the selfish person that she is, the between you will start to dwindle and she'll use "withholding" from you as a way to control you.

[indiana20]

:confused:Hi there,

I was just curious about a few things, as I feel that we may need to know more info before we can give more advice, as there may be variables we are not taking into consideration. Based on the answers, there may be different solutions, but to be honest, you are probably both to blame. But instead of looking for excuses, you need to look for the reasons behind the behavior then apply solutions to fix it, as if you continue to wait, it will only get worse.
So how long were you dating before this lady moved in with you?
How long has she actually lived with you?
How long did she live with you when she lost or quit the job? Did she quit the job or lose it? How long has she been out of work? Is she collecting unemployment to pay any of her own bills?
Did you ever give her the impression she was responsible for any bills or that you were paying for everything?
Do you talk about jobs or help her look for work?
Have you ask her what her intentions are?
Have you discussed that you may need or want assistance from her?
What made you start looking up these disorders?

No offense, but it just seems that we are missing alot of details in this situation.
If it is a plain situation of a girl moving in with you and she quit her job and expects you to pay, then you need to put your foot down and tell her point blank to at least try to get a job. Is this what you really want in a girlfriend? I am sure you can find another girl out there, as there are plenty of them. Dont feel bad, as you will get over it and move on. Otherwise, I would suggest looking at some of the other questions and getting a realization of the situation a find a new solution.
Sometimes you need to get tricky to get your point across with certain types if people, so if you think she is the type that just does not want to help you, just start bringing home job applications for her. she will get the hint soon enough. It is going to be harder with this economy, especially if she is under-educated. After a couple weeks, if she has not returned them, then it is time to let her find a new place and you to find a new girl.