help...serious relationship but boyfriend smokes

[alexa]

I don't know what to do. I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. He means the world to me and we are great together. We have a wonderful, happy and loving relationship. However, I am a non-smoker and am VERY against it. When we first started dating he did not smoke either. Now he smokes. He isn't an excessive smoker. He smokes about one pack a week and can go days without smoking if needed. We live together and he doesn't smoke around anyone or in our apartment. He only smokes in his car when he is driving to and from places. Even though it isn't affecting me physically it bothers me immensly. I am glad he isn't smoking a ton and craving cigarettes but I want him to quit. I know this may be a bit crazy, but I am going nuts. It bothers me to the point where each time he leaves or is driving somewhere I am counting the cigarttes he is smoking and thinking about how he just smoked each time he comes home. I am always thinking about it and not wanting him to go anywhere without me cause I know he will smoke. I have had several big discussions with him about it. He says he doesn't smoke that much and that he isn't going to smoke his whole life but he is going to quit when he makes the decision to. I don't want to nag him or drive him crazy so most of the time I don't say anything and when we do talk about it I try to be understanding and supportive. I love him and I want him to be healthy. His smoking is making me an emotional wreck and it is the one thing bad about our relationship. It affects our relationship because I get so emotional and upset about it. Sometimes when I am thinking about it or know he just smoked I treat him differently cause I am mad. I am not as loving and tend to back away and stay to myself and am in a bad mood. I don't want to be that way but I can't stop myself sometimes. I want him to quit so I can stop going crazy and be a wonderful girlfriend all the time. I don't want to break up over this issue because I love him so much and everything else is wonderful. We are planning our future together and will be moving this summer. It is a crucial point in our relationship right now figuring out everything with jobs we are getting and where we will move. I want to be with him forever but I don't feel I can stop myself from thinking about it and being bothered by it. I want our relationship to be the best it can be but don't think it can while he is smoking. Everyone tells me he can't quit for me though, he has to quit for himself. What should I do?? Can I help him or get him to quit? What should I do about our relationship? Please help.

[Diablo]

He'll only quit when he wants to on his own. Smoking is harder to quit than heroine and nobody quits against his or her will. You have to decide whether or not you can have a life with him while he's smoking. Love isn't a happily forever after relationship between two perfect people. It's a relationship between two imperfect people who accept each other as they are. You have to decide whether or not you can accept his smoking. There are a lot worse vices he could have you know.

[eightball61]

I started smoking when I was about 16. I continued to do so until I was about 21. When I first started dating my GF I never did it around her like he does wit you. I respected the fact she didn't like me doing it and I never done it around her.

Why or how did he start smoking?

Your case is very alike and he is respecting by not doing it around you. He is direspecting the relationship because its tearing you apart emotionally. I quit smoking because I wanted to and I asked for my GF's help and support. He won't quit unless he wants to quit for himself.

I first started off smoking only a pack a week and then it eventually increase to one a day. It was very hard for me to quit because I did it for a while and was smoking more than I first started. This may not happen to him but his habbit could increase.

Your only decisions are to either tollerate it or not to tollerate it. You can't force him to quit because he makes that change for himself. You have expectations to what you want and if you want to stay with him then you'll need to except what he does and what he says for about quiting. If you feel you can't deal with the stress and he won't change for you then you may have to leave. These are your only options I see....Its hard but people change over time and its either except the change or don't.

[Howard]

Well,breaking up with him wouldn't be right BUT have you told him on the side that his smoking is worse for our relationship? :confused: