joesboy
06-11-2010, 08:33 PM
I need some ladies opinions but all are welcome.
This will probably be a long post but the info is important to my question at the end.
Here is our background:
My wife is Korean-American, I am just a regular Caucasian American. We met while we were both already married (we had an affair), we both got divorced, lived together 10 years, been married 10 years, have two children.
We never plan to divorce, love each other, great life (toys, clubs, fantasies).
She truely is my soul-mate and I love her more than anything.
Here is the first problem:
She has never discussed her past except briefly, but has always wanted to know the details of my past.
This I always felt was unfair in that she wanted to know everything about who, what, when, where etc. but never wanted to share hers except in miniscule vague detail.
Even after 20 + years together, she still will not talk about it other than what I am writing here and when we would argue (years ago) and it came up she gets very angry.
Here is her past in short:
1) She says her first boyfriend was when she was 13, he was Korean and married and in his mid 30's. His wife was back in Korea and she used to meet him, go to his place and talk. The most she ever did was kiss him and eventually he taught her to .
She also says "I loved him".
I think there was some sort of dominance or abuse here, but don't know to what degree.
She says kissing and self- was all she ever did with him.
2) Got caught masturbating by her mom at 14 or so.
3) Met Boyfriend #2 when she was about 14/15. Said he was Middle-Eastern (Egyptian) and 4 years older. Said she never screwed him (still a virgin) but tried once, but never consumated the act.
3) During this period, she was staying out late and not obeying her parents, so they put her on birth control.
She says she was still a virgin, but parents were scared she would get pregnant because she was rebellious.
4) Met boyfriend #3 (also an Egyptian)who was a friend of boyfriend #2. Married him at 16. Stayed married until she met me 7 years later.
She also said BF #2 sent a letter to BF #3 claiming he had taken her virginity.
BF#3 (her then husband) was furious and never ever believed she was a virgin when they married because of the letter from his friend BF #1.
She said that the 'letter' caused her fits with her then husband and that she "found it hard to trust anyone anymore."
This all brings us to current:
Recently, the wife and I recieved an email in her inbox with results of a teen survey. As we were reading it together (at the same time) she made the remark, "good to see I'm normal, I always thought I wasn't". At that time the question was about average ages of ual experiences and she moved her finger to the question. From there there were more specific questions and again she made the point as we were reading it, "I wasn't totally inexperienced you know". She went on to say the reason she had prodded me about my past was that it was a huge turn-on to her to her the details about my and my past experiences.
In addition, again, she; out of the blue, with no questioning from me, told me that she had had a one-time bi experience with another girl when she was 15. No problem there, but then two (2) nights later, and said (without me asking at all) that it "really wasn't exactly as I told you, it was actually a threesome".
I was shocked! I know her, but wasn't expectiing that. She told me that it just happened. She was hanging around with another married couple in their 30's and they went to the bedroom and she just followed.
She said she did oral on the woman but neither one touched her, and that she kept her clothes on, although the couple did not and were making out while she performed. I did not condeme her and only said "I was surprised" to which she replied, "I'm 42, and all these years I was sort of ashamed", and "you are the first person that I have ever told that to". I did follow-up and ask if they had "touched her" and she said "No, and I'm not sure why, unless they were worried they would get in trouble because i was a minor."
I'm not sure if I believe her at this point in light of the all the other 'dribbles and drabbles' that have come out piece meal over the years but that doesn't matter.
I must say that it made me feel special that she confided this to me but again I was surprised.
Now, back to the first boyfriend, who was mid 30's and married and she was in her early teens. I'm not sure how long that went on, as she has never said, but I guess it was for a while, as she said that she and her family at the time they were living in City A and had moved later to City B. She said that several months later the BF drove 150 miles to come see her one day with no warning and caught her in the school parking lot and wanted her to go for a ride, which she declined. She seemed pleased that he had come that far to see her even some 30 years later.
Now, I do not question her faithfulness to me, but I do question her honesty.
I knew about the 1st BF from shortly after we met but even today only occasionally get what she tells me 'piecemeal'. She is a good wife and I love her and would never divorce her. We get along well for the most part.
I just feel that she lied to me about all this for a long, long time. I would not have cared about her 'promiscuous behavoir had she told me, but did not like to be lied to.
Now, how her past was always off-limits, but now she has made what I think are several overtures mentioning her 1) Threesome 2) Survey comments) 3) Old BF coming to see her 4) I wasn't totally inexperienced and and the other night she commented "Sometimes I think I may be a nympho"
My question is does it seem like that she is wanting to talk about her past finally after all these yearsor am I misinterpreting?
Secondly, how do I go about bringing it up or getting her to open up but I don't want her to 'go off' on me so I must thread carefully.
Thirdly, what do you all think of her promiscuity as a teen, or am I making too much of it?
I do think it would do her some good, and I seriously mean that. She has always kept things bottled up and is very hard to trust anyone enough to confide in (I guess because of the letter). In addition she would NEVER in a million years see a therapist.
Thank you for any help and for taking the time to read this lengthy post!
This will probably be a long post but the info is important to my question at the end.
Here is our background:
My wife is Korean-American, I am just a regular Caucasian American. We met while we were both already married (we had an affair), we both got divorced, lived together 10 years, been married 10 years, have two children.
We never plan to divorce, love each other, great life (toys, clubs, fantasies).
She truely is my soul-mate and I love her more than anything.
Here is the first problem:
She has never discussed her past except briefly, but has always wanted to know the details of my past.
This I always felt was unfair in that she wanted to know everything about who, what, when, where etc. but never wanted to share hers except in miniscule vague detail.
Even after 20 + years together, she still will not talk about it other than what I am writing here and when we would argue (years ago) and it came up she gets very angry.
Here is her past in short:
1) She says her first boyfriend was when she was 13, he was Korean and married and in his mid 30's. His wife was back in Korea and she used to meet him, go to his place and talk. The most she ever did was kiss him and eventually he taught her to .
She also says "I loved him".
I think there was some sort of dominance or abuse here, but don't know to what degree.
She says kissing and self- was all she ever did with him.
2) Got caught masturbating by her mom at 14 or so.
3) Met Boyfriend #2 when she was about 14/15. Said he was Middle-Eastern (Egyptian) and 4 years older. Said she never screwed him (still a virgin) but tried once, but never consumated the act.
3) During this period, she was staying out late and not obeying her parents, so they put her on birth control.
She says she was still a virgin, but parents were scared she would get pregnant because she was rebellious.
4) Met boyfriend #3 (also an Egyptian)who was a friend of boyfriend #2. Married him at 16. Stayed married until she met me 7 years later.
She also said BF #2 sent a letter to BF #3 claiming he had taken her virginity.
BF#3 (her then husband) was furious and never ever believed she was a virgin when they married because of the letter from his friend BF #1.
She said that the 'letter' caused her fits with her then husband and that she "found it hard to trust anyone anymore."
This all brings us to current:
Recently, the wife and I recieved an email in her inbox with results of a teen survey. As we were reading it together (at the same time) she made the remark, "good to see I'm normal, I always thought I wasn't". At that time the question was about average ages of ual experiences and she moved her finger to the question. From there there were more specific questions and again she made the point as we were reading it, "I wasn't totally inexperienced you know". She went on to say the reason she had prodded me about my past was that it was a huge turn-on to her to her the details about my and my past experiences.
In addition, again, she; out of the blue, with no questioning from me, told me that she had had a one-time bi experience with another girl when she was 15. No problem there, but then two (2) nights later, and said (without me asking at all) that it "really wasn't exactly as I told you, it was actually a threesome".
I was shocked! I know her, but wasn't expectiing that. She told me that it just happened. She was hanging around with another married couple in their 30's and they went to the bedroom and she just followed.
She said she did oral on the woman but neither one touched her, and that she kept her clothes on, although the couple did not and were making out while she performed. I did not condeme her and only said "I was surprised" to which she replied, "I'm 42, and all these years I was sort of ashamed", and "you are the first person that I have ever told that to". I did follow-up and ask if they had "touched her" and she said "No, and I'm not sure why, unless they were worried they would get in trouble because i was a minor."
I'm not sure if I believe her at this point in light of the all the other 'dribbles and drabbles' that have come out piece meal over the years but that doesn't matter.
I must say that it made me feel special that she confided this to me but again I was surprised.
Now, back to the first boyfriend, who was mid 30's and married and she was in her early teens. I'm not sure how long that went on, as she has never said, but I guess it was for a while, as she said that she and her family at the time they were living in City A and had moved later to City B. She said that several months later the BF drove 150 miles to come see her one day with no warning and caught her in the school parking lot and wanted her to go for a ride, which she declined. She seemed pleased that he had come that far to see her even some 30 years later.
Now, I do not question her faithfulness to me, but I do question her honesty.
I knew about the 1st BF from shortly after we met but even today only occasionally get what she tells me 'piecemeal'. She is a good wife and I love her and would never divorce her. We get along well for the most part.
I just feel that she lied to me about all this for a long, long time. I would not have cared about her 'promiscuous behavoir had she told me, but did not like to be lied to.
Now, how her past was always off-limits, but now she has made what I think are several overtures mentioning her 1) Threesome 2) Survey comments) 3) Old BF coming to see her 4) I wasn't totally inexperienced and and the other night she commented "Sometimes I think I may be a nympho"
My question is does it seem like that she is wanting to talk about her past finally after all these yearsor am I misinterpreting?
Secondly, how do I go about bringing it up or getting her to open up but I don't want her to 'go off' on me so I must thread carefully.
Thirdly, what do you all think of her promiscuity as a teen, or am I making too much of it?
I do think it would do her some good, and I seriously mean that. She has always kept things bottled up and is very hard to trust anyone enough to confide in (I guess because of the letter). In addition she would NEVER in a million years see a therapist.
Thank you for any help and for taking the time to read this lengthy post!