Im in need of Advice

[Shelbi33]

I will start out by saying. I have been married for 9 years. I feel like he is trying to run my life. What I mean by that is, i was on some pills, and now that I stopped taking them, I feel better. But he wants me back on them. I feel like he dont want me around my family. What am I to do.?
Another thing is, I met up with this guy I hung out with when we were 11. When he called me that one night, we saw each other every night til i moved. now we talk in email and all, and i feel i love him. he tells me everyday that he loves me. What am i to do with my curren marriage, im not happy with it? Any advice?? :confused:

[eightball61]

If you ain't happy with you marriage then leave. If you are to the point where you think nothing will save the marriage or you don't even want to try to work things out then its best to leave. Staying and being unhappy is not going to get you far.

Right now you have turned and started talking to someone else. Before this leads to something then you need to make a decision to what it is you want out of this marriage. Divorces are not known to be easy to go through but divorcing now is better than waiting. If you divorce now you won't waste any more time of your life in this marriage and you won't get screwed over in the settlement of things like you would if you were to stay and cheat. I am not saying you will cheat but I am pointing it out before it does happen.

Relationships and marriage are made to be somewhat happy and you aren't happy. Try seeking marriage counseling but if you don't want to put anymore of an effort in then you just need to get out of the marriage as I mentioned.....
(my opinion)

[Shelbi33]

Ive tried talking to my husband. We have been married for 9 years. We have 3 children, and 2 of them are ours together. I dont want to hurt the children, their ages are 11-8-4. I know i probably shouldnt stay just for the kids, but the little one is too young to understand. and I dont want to hurt the others. Ive tried talking to him, he just wont listen to me, but he tries to run my life. I am 33 and feel like a kid myself. This isnt right. I should have a life, and enjoy it. Ive been unhappy for sometime now.

[Rich]

Shelbi-

You're going to have to tell us more about your hubby and current situation then you have. There's not much to go on.

I recommend going to a marriage counselor. You must have married your husband because you loved him. Didn't you?

Don't leave the marriage just because some guy you knew along time ago says that he loves you. What if you leave, go with this guy and then some other guy trys to sweep you off of your feet? Would you leave again?

If your marriage is to end, let it end on it's own merits and not because of someone else and feelings for another.

The issue you have is of your husband trying to control you. What were the pills for?

More info. required.

Rich

[eightball61]

Do you see this marriage as a failure and unable to patch? or do you think you can offer marriage counseling as a start to something more positive?

[Shelbi33]

Well the pills were for my compulsive disorder. "like when i shop, i pull stuff from the back instead of the front" they helped to a certain point. But i havent taken any in 5 days, and i feel great.
My husband is a good man. "dont get me wrong" I just need to have family and friends around. Right now I am in Germany, cause that is where he is stationed. He told me the reason he picked here, is to get me away from my family. I am a family oriented person. He tells me I need to get back on my pills, and i dont want them. I have been falling out of love with him for the past 2 years. but i dont want to hur my kids. what do i need to do. he dont believe in marriage counseling.....

[eightball61]

he dont believe in marriage counseling.....


Doe he believe that his marriage is in jeopardy?

Can you also answer to this please:

Do you see this marriage as a failure and unable to patch?

[Shelbi33]

I dont see this marriage as a failure, but i dont think i can patch it. he wont sit down and talk about it. and when i try, he dont keep his cool. he dont believe in marriage counseling. so im kinda stuck, but i dont want my kids hurt. i just want to be happy and want them to be happy

[inquisitive]

You say he's controlling, how else does he try to control you besides your pills?

The reason I ask is lots of times people taking pills think they don't need them anymore, and maybe he sees something you don't.

No offense intended just wondering.

I don't think you should just give up on your marriage of 9 years. This guy from your past was only a boy when he was in your past. What if someone else comes along? It could be a vicious cycle. If you're husband won't do counselling is he willing to sit down and talk to you about the problems you're having?

[eightball61]

I dont see this marriage as a failure, but i dont think i can patch it. he wont sit down and talk about it. and when i try, he dont keep his cool. he dont believe in marriage counseling. so im kinda stuck, but i dont want my kids hurt. i just want to be happy and want them to be happy


Does he see the marriage failing though?

[Shelbi33]

well, i have tried to sit and talk, he just gets upset. I feel like myself since i havent had any pills. Have you all heard of Zoloft? They are for depression,stress,and compulsive disorder etc . Well thats what he wanted the doctor to put me on. and now that im off, i finally feel like me again. he dont want me to live around my family, or be with them for too long.
Anyways, ive tried the talking part. I just dont know what to do anymore.

[Shelbi33]

Does he see the marriage failing though?
I dont know, he wont listen to me when i try and tell him anything. hes just like. whatever.

[inquisitive]

well, i have tried to sit and talk, he just gets upset. I feel like myself since i havent had any pills. Have you all heard of Zoloft? They are for depression,stress,and compulsive disorder etc . Well thats what he wanted the doctor to put me on. and now that im off, i finally feel like me again. he dont want me to live around my family, or be with them for too long.
Anyways, ive tried the talking part. I just dont know what to do anymore.


I'm sorry I don't know a lot about Zoloft, but
If he's that controlling that he doesn't want you around your family, and friends then I'd leave. He has no right to stop or limit your time with your family!

[Shelbi33]

I'm sorry I don't know a lot about Zoloft, but
If he's that controlling that he doesn't want you around your family, and friends then I'd leave. He has no right to stop or limit your time with your family!
I just dont want to hurt my kids. So that is the part where im stuck

[eightball61]

I dont know, he wont listen to me when i try and tell him anything. hes just like. whatever.


Then how can you say your relationship is not doomed. Relationships and marriages are based on team work. Your so-called husband doesn't want to hear anything you say. He is running his kindom as the man of the house. You need to pop this question to him and see what he says. If he brushes it off then that alone should tell you he doesn't care about the marriage.

You want to stay for the kids but what kind of excuse is that. You mention that the youngest won't understand so that means they won't understand about you both not together anymore. As they get older and more aware of the situation they should respect your decision on leaving. I will say kids can sense if mommy and daddy are fighting or not happy. Things are just not the same to them and they can sense it so don't think hidinf the situation will help.....children are smarter than you think.

[inquisitive]

Kids learn by example. You don't want them growing up and thinking this is how a relationship should be right?

Most of the times kids can tell when parents aren't happy, especially as they get older!

[Shelbi33]

Then how can you say your relationship is not doomed. Relationships and marriages are based on team work. Your so-called husband doesn't want to hear anything you say. He is running his kindom as the man of the house. You need to pop this question to him and see what he says. If he brushes it off then that alone should tell you he doesn't care about the marriage.

You want to stay for the kids but what kind of excuse is that. You mention that the youngest won't understand so that means they won't understand about you both not together anymore. As they get older and more aware of the situation they should respect your decision on leaving. I will say kids can sense if mommy and daddy are fighting or not happy. Things are just not the same to them and they can sense it so don't think hidinf the situation will help.....they are smarter than you think.
I will give this a shot, and try and talk to him. I would love to save our marriage. If its meant to be, then he will listen, right. Thanks for all the advice everyone.

[Shelbi33]

Kids learn by example. You don't want them growing up and thinking this is how a relationship should be right?

Most of the times kids can tell when parents aren't happy, especially as they get older!
This is completey correct. i want my kids to be happy,

[eightball61]

k...Now that you solved one problem and you want to save this marriage then I think it would be very wise you drop the old friend. You don't need to have him telling you "i love you" to mess with your feelings and emotions. If you are going to be denicated on working this out then you need to eliminate all distractions. If this doesn't work then I really don't know what to tell you but please keep us posted.

[eightball61]

Kids learn by example. You don't want them growing up and thinking this is how a relationship should be right?

Most of the times kids can tell when parents aren't happy, especially as they get older!


WOW :eek: I think we share the same brain today inquisitive :p

[Shelbi33]

WOW :eek: I think we share the same brain today inquisitive :p
Hey, i just want to say thanks for talking to me. usually im giving advice instead of taking it. lol
thanks again. :o

[eightball61]

Hey, i just want to say thanks for talking to me. usually im giving advice instead of taking it. lol
thanks again. :o

Your welcome and feel free to contribute any thoughts you may have to other threads here.

[Shelbi33]

thanks again, im off to bed, its 1105pm where i am, so g'night

[eightball61]

Sweet Dreams :D