Hurting so much

[tallguy]

hi all, basically i found out that my girlfriend of about 6 months, has been chatting to another guy on the internet and has met up with him. she has kept it from me until i found out myself. She says he is only a friend and that after asking her she has not done anything with him other than chat in a pub. It hurt so much when i found out and i confronted her straight way. I obivously asked why she hid it and she said she nows i would have had a go at her.

I really dont know what to do, i told her that she means alot to me and that i carn't beleive she has done this to me. Colud this really be innocent or am i just blinded by my feelings for her.

she says it doesnt change anything she still wants to be with me but i just dont know what to do, i really didnt expect her to do this. I asked her if she fancied him and she said no, i said what happens if he went to kiss you and she said i would not let him. But she has not told him she has a boyfriend!!

She still says she still wants to see the guy, do i let the friendship happen or do i say him or me?

please help me, i am so down right know :(

[Rich]

You should be your GF's best friend. Why aren't you guys bestfriends? That's what you should work on.

What does she get from him that she can't get from you? Ask her that question.

To meet a guy on the web and become friends when you have a BF is bullshit. If she wants a friend, then you should be it as well.

I'd make her choose either him or you.

Rich

[eightball61]

She still says she still wants to see the guy, do i let the friendship happen or do i say him or me?




If you allow the friendship to continue then you will continue feeling like this. Then again you can't force her to choose what she wants....She shows no respect for the relationship by still going on the net to meet new people while dating you.

In your other post you both still had your profiles up and I told you then that its going to lead to disaster. She kept hers up and look what happened. In this situation all you can do is learn to trust and if you can't then you gotta move on.

For me, she would have broken the trust by leaving her profile up and hiding the fact on meeting another guy. I wouldn't be able to handle that stress and I would just leave but you aren't me and you have to make that decision yourself. She was not respecting the relationship then and still not respecting it now.

Is your profile down finally?

You need to make a decision on what you'll be able to handle. Staying with her is only hurting you because she sees no wrong doing in lieing to you and meeting other people. If you stay you will be only hurting yourself and I will have no sympathy for you. I told you in March what you both need to do and that was never done. You chanced the relationship and now it backfired.

[tallguy]

This is not a new guy, she started chatting to him about the same time as me. I dont use msn or the dating site anymore. We swopped to phone calls instead to chat. The thing is she is always keen to see me and chat, sending me messages etc, we are in contact every day.

We do get on really well, chatting all the time and spending time together doing things couples do etc, thats why i am so torn as its difficult to know what she is thinking if she is willing to meet up wih someone else but shows no signs of being un happy when shes with me.

i will ask her your questions and leave it with her i think.

I told her that she can not lye to me or ever do anything like this again else it is over, and i asked her if she would tell him that you have a bf and she said yes.

Do you really think that he can not be just a friend?

[Rich]

Guys are dogs. We're not looking to just be friends.

He wants to get in her pants.

Rich

[eightball61]

This is not a new guy,


I understand that but I did tell you that this will create a problem on your last thread. You said that you just found out she was talking to him and meeting so that tell me she been keeping this from you. If it wan't a big deal then she would have told you about this guy. Her lies have broken the trust to the relationship and its only going to make it harder on you if you stay in because she sees no wrong doing. Its your choice but if you don't want to hurt then go find someone that will not hurt you.

[AlexCrystal]

I had this EXACT same issue...although my boyfriend had only emailed 2 different girls twice...so there was no meeting in person or a 6 month online relationship.
After I confronted him about the personals he of course thought it was no big deal. After snooping on his computer I found out that he was just sending one "icebreaker" after another to girls he found attractive on the personals site. I broke up with him. He has been devastated and has been begging me back everyday since. Long emails one after another confessing his love to me and how he did it all out of bordem. He completely cancelled and deleted his entire profile. (of course this is after I broke up with him). I don't know what to tell you...this online stuff is a whole different world and set of problems when it comes to cheating. I guess it comes down to if you are willing to let it go if she says she will stop all communication with him and others online. Are you? If not, break up like I did. Now it hasn't been easy for me the last couple days because of all the phone calls and the unbelievable things he has written in his emails...crying..etc. It will be hard on you either way. Do you trust her? Can you trust her if she says she will stop?
Rich...let me ask you something...(if you are reading this)....do you think someone can have an "online" relationship (no physical contact)...and their mate find out...so they promise them to stop.....do you think a person can 100% be a trustworthy person and make a change??? Or will they always be the same???

[eightball61]

I had this EXACT same issue....although my boyfriend


AlexCrystal, wouldn't it be funny that this was your exboyfriend posting? He is still an ex. right :confused:

I mean it would make sense since you did the same thing to each other...I donno it fells kinda ironic.

[AlexCrystal]

8ball....def. couldn't be my ex because he didn't find ME talking with and actually meeting, in person, a guy offline. I never met anyone in person that I chatted to online. And yes...I'm a hypocrite...I know it. And not sure where you say one is worse than the other....but I only sent an "icebreaker" to like 4 or 5 guys...otherwise it was like 5 guys a day sending ME an "icebreaker".....as for my boyfriend..I don't think any girl, on her own, sent him an "icebreaker"....but he, over the course of 5 months sent 60 different girls an "icebreaker"....only 2 ever responded. Anyway...blah blah blah...my problems, my problems, my problems :p .....TALLGUY...what do you think you are going to do about it???? What is your gut feeling???

[eightball61]

8ball....def. couldn't be my ex because he didn't find ME talking with and actually meeting, in person, a guy offline.

But you didn't tell him about your doing which classifies you as liar. You accused him of being a lar when you found all this stuff on his computer. You did the same exact thing as he was doing and thats why the breakup was a good deed to do but then again you both did have something in common...

If you read tallguys other thread back in March the situation resemble your situation. He had a profile up and so didn't his GF. I told him then that they needed to take it down or else it will be worse down the road....Well here we are today and the relationships are ending.... :rolleyes:

[Rich]

Alex-

Hi. In regards to relationships you always have to find out what the root cause is. It's like in medicine. You don't treat the symptoms, you treat the cause.

In relationships, you don't deal with the cheating, you have to deal with, "why the person cheated". Most often all you read about on this forum is someone cheating and then asking forgiveness and then the person coming to this forum asking if they should or can trust the other person again. Which is totally wrong.

It just seems that the people coming to this forum don't look for root causes as to why something has happened.

I feel that if you look for why things happen in a relationship, then you can get a better feel for if someone can be forgiven or if you can trust them again.

Is the reason why they cheated going to be addressed and will it go away? If the reason why they cheated isn't addressed or isn't going away, then chances are that they will probably cheat again. So no, don't trust them or don't take them back.

If why they cheated can maybe be equaled to fault and one party is 35% at fault and the other is 65% at fault, well, does it then make it easier to forgive knowing that you had a part in it? Like auto collisions and auto insurance claims....it's NEVER 100% one persons fault.

Every relationship is different, but typically, all relationship problems are the same. Human nature is human nature and we're all creatures of habit. That's why it's probable to predict what's going to happen next in a relationship and why I feel that I'm mostly right on with my responses here, as opposed to being totally off base.

The bottom line is that if you're in a great relationship, then you and your partner DO NOT NEED TO LOOK TO ANYONE ELSE TO FILL ANY NEED OR DESIRE. You should get all that you need from the person that you're with.

Believe it or not, a great relationship is easy to have, but most people don't know what that consists of. Irgo, If you don't know what to shoot for, then how are you going to achieve it?

Most people when they get into a relationship just leave its happiness and success up to faith, hope and chance. Most couples are reactionary instead of being proactive. When in a relationship, you should be working every day to strenghten different aspects of your relationship. Instead most people just sail on and let things go and then deal from behind on issues that pop up. Just like in sailing. If you don't chart a course and watch your scope and bouys, then chances are that you'll run aground.

Relationships are work! Not hard work and not a lot of work. Just constant fine tuning and working to achieve nirvana. You might never get to nirvana, but damn, being close to nirvana is pretty friggin awesome.

Bottom line, work on root cause issues. Hope this long winded response sort of answered your question.

Rich

[inquisitive]

Alex-

Hi. In regards to relationships you always have to find out what the root cause is. It's like in medicine. You don't treat the symptoms, you treat the cause.

In relationships, you don't deal with the cheating, you have to deal with, "why the person cheated". Most often all you read about on this forum is someone cheating and then asking forgiveness and then the person coming to this forum asking if they should or can trust the other person again. Which is totally wrong.

It just seems that the people coming to this forum don't look for root causes as to why something has happened.

I feel that if you look for why things happen in a relationship, then you can get a better feel for if someone can be forgiven or if you can trust them again.

Is the reason why they cheated going to be addressed and will it go away? If the reason why they cheated isn't addressed or isn't going away, then chances are that they will probably cheat again. So no, don't trust them or don't take them back.

If why they cheated can maybe be equaled to fault and one party is 35% at fault and the other is 65% at fault, well, does it then make it easier to forgive knowing that you had a part in it? Like auto collisions and auto insurance claims....it's NEVER 100% one persons fault.

Rich I disaggree. It's always 100% the cheaters fault. They make the choice to cheat. They don't have to. Instead they could either leave the relationship, or be an adult and sit down and talk to their partner about how they're feeling.

Passing some of the blame along to the victim is, in my opinion, wrong. I agree the reason should be addressed, but it's still the fault of the person who made the choice to cheat on their partner.

Every relationship is different, but typically, all relationship problems are the same. Human nature is human nature and we're all creatures of habit. That's why it's probable to predict what's going to happen next in a relationship and why I feel that I'm mostly right on with my responses here, as opposed to being totally off base.

The bottom line is that if you're in a great relationship, then you and your partner DO NOT NEED TO LOOK TO ANYONE ELSE TO FILL ANY NEED OR DESIRE. You should get all that you need from the person that you're with.

Believe it or not, a great relationship is easy to have, but most people don't know what that consists of. Irgo, If you don't know what to shoot for, then how are you going to achieve it?

Most people when they get into a relationship just leave its happiness and success up to faith, hope and chance. Most couples are reactionary instead of being proactive. When in a relationship, you should be working every day to strenghten different aspects of your relationship. Instead most people just sail on and let things go and then deal from behind on issues that pop up. Just like in sailing. If you don't chart a course and watch your scope and bouys, then chances are that you'll run aground.

Relationships are work! Not hard work and not a lot of work. Just constant fine tuning and working to achieve nirvana. You might never get to nirvana, but damn, being close to nirvana is pretty friggin awesome.

Bottom line, work on root cause issues. Hope this long winded response sort of answered your question.

Rich

[AlexCrystal]

what was the name of the thread from march?? I want to read it...
8 ball...you are 100% right. I have been a liar. I feel awful about it...which is why it's been hard with him emailing and calling wanting to get back together saying that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me and promises he will never hurt me again....etc. etc. etc. If I was an innocent angel through this entire relationship...I could walk away, turn my back on him and never look back. But ya see, I haven't been an angel...so it makes things a little more complicated.

[eightball61]

Here's the link http://www.relationshipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=388

I don't want to sit here and pound into you what you did was wrong. You know it was wrong and thats only fair. You did the right thing and ended the relationship so you both can be fair to yourselves. I guess I was just pointing out the wrong doing because from reading your last few post it seemed like you broke up with him for doing all the wrong when you did the same. Sorry to pound it out the way I did though :(

[AlexCrystal]

Rich...
I love to pick your brain....so here....yet another question:

Would you agree that humans were never designed to be monogomus? Yes, I understand we have free will and can think and make conscious decisions...but aren't we continually fighting instinct when we remain soley with one person...never looking elsewhere.

And....I think, especially men, they are biologically designed to spread their seed....and women are looking for the best provider (biologically speaking) and so this creates sooooooooooooo many cheating circumstances in a relationship. Now, I believe...to some degree...that a man can love the person he is with and be happy...but faced with temptation can throw all consequences out the window...all emotions aside...and do the deed (to some extent..maybe not full blown ). I honestly wonder if you were to pole (albeit impossible) all couples married over 30-40 years together....did at any point either of them in any way, shape, or form cheat....I bet it would be an extremely high percent...
And speaking of men and how they are biologically designed...if they weren't sooooooo caught up on "spreading their seed" why is the industry out of control. I don't think there is a guy alive that at some point in their live was into ....now is that cheating?? Does it mean they love their girlfriend any less????? Where does one draw the line??? is looking elsewhere..right?? Does it mean they aren't happy in the relationship if they look at ?

[Rich]

Inq....what if one spouse withholds from the other for an extended period of time just because (fill in the reason). Don't you think they should accept some of blame for the SO going elsewhere for and intimacy?

I'm not saying 50/50 blame. But what about 95% and 5%? Or 97% and 3%?

Again, one needs to look at the reason to WHY something happned and then see where fault and responsibility lie. If you feel somewhat to blame for something happening, can you be more forgiving then if you feel no blame at all?

To answer that, just ask Alex Crystal how she feels about her situation. Would she not feel so guilty about breaking up if she did no wrong in this? I don't think so.

That's my point. Get to the root cause and that should determine your course of action.


Alex-

Yes, in the animal kingdom males were born to mate with many females. It's how the species carries on. Typically there are 2 females to every male.

So, if we stayed strictly in a monogamus relationship, then half the females would never mate. Which isn't good for the species.

On the flip side, females are always looking for the most dominant or better male to mate with. This is so the species can get stronger over time. Survival of the fittest and all of that.

To your question, yes we have a hard time staying with only one partner, but it can be done. As a species we happen to have been made the smartest. Humans were given more intelligence, emotions, feelings and a complex communication system than the other animals on the planet.

This was to separate us from the other animals.

I guess we all have that animal instinct inside of us to procreate, but as the most intelligent species on the planet, we CAN separate indescriminate mating and staying monogamus.

With some folks it's easier than with others. And it's not easy most of the time. That's why before you get married and decide to spend the rest of your life with just one person, that you'd better know what the hell you're getting into with that person.

You'd better know that person better than they know themselves and you have to be totally honest with yourself as to what you can accept and what you can't.

A lot of people go into a marriage with a settling type of feeling. They feel that they probably won't ever meet that Mr. or Mrs Right, so they'll take someone close and be happy with that. Or with the thought that they'll take someone close to ideal and then change them.

These relationships don't last because after awhile people don't accept anymore what they used to be able to accept and they find that they can't change the person to be how they want or need. People are who they are and for the most part don't change. The relationship then ends or stays unhappy.

This is why the dating period is soooooo important. It's that time that you should be doing things to REALLY get to know the person that you're with. You shouldn't just be going out just for the sake of having fun or just for something to do. It's all a learning lesson and a means to and end.

And as you date and you notice that this person isn't THE one for you, then break up and continue the search. Yes, it is hard to break up with someone, but if you have your end game in mind and will not "settle" for coming close, then it should help cushion your conscience as to the possible hurt that you're causing. Afterall, who's life are you leading anyway, yours or theirs? Take care of your life first and don't feel guilty.

So, to recap. Yes monogamy somewhat goes against nature, but we're the species that was made to do it.

Just to get even more long winded, there's some books written by Neale Donald Walsh entitled "Conversations with God", I, II and III that talk to this issue (and very well I might add).

I believe it might have been in book II in which he espouses on marriage and that maybe society has it wrong. That maybe we should be more on a communal, societal approach where the younger folks can procreate and maybe not be locked into a marriage and that it would be the community elders or the grand parents that would raise the children as they have the most experience, wisdom, values and intelligence.

That the society would be stronger on the whole because you wouldn't have all of this divorce and where kids are raising kids. That everyone would be working together to better the society. And he's not talking communism either.

All interesting thoughts to consider.

Rich

[AlexCrystal]

Rich...
Have you ever read a book titled "Stop Your Divorce" by Homer McDonald. This guy goes against the grain. Probably says what most relationship thearpist wouldn't dare. Complete opposite thinking in terms of keeping a relationship. He actually promises he can stop your divorce or he will give you your money back...anywho.....he states in his book that you should "date" others while married. Interesting stuff.

[Rich]

I haven't read that book.

I would imagine that if you could date other people while you're married, then there would be no need for a divorce.

The only problem that I see is that it goes against society and that it would never catch on. It's not what is ingrained on us in terms of what a marriage is.

Before my divorce I contemplated staying married and just having a woman on the side. But that wasn't my view of a marriage and I decided to leave.

What I speak about in my consulting sessions is how to identify for folks what constitutes an awesome relationship and how their relationship stacks up against that. It then also identifies what areas that they need to tweak in order to get that great relationship.

It's my contention that I can tell before a couple gets married whether or not their marriage will last or not. I'm pretty accurate actually.

Life is all about a mindset and how you approach things. It's my belief that we should be more practical about our relationships then we are currently.

All food for thought though.

[inquisitive]

Inq....what if one spouse withholds from the other for an extended period of time just because (fill in the reason). Don't you think they should accept some of blame for the SO going elsewhere for and intimacy?

No I don't think they should accept blame. They shouldnt' be doing it in the first place, obviously, but that doesn't give the other the right to cheat. If it's that bad they should talk to their SO, and if that doesn't work they should leave. What is cheating going to accomplish? Cheating is not helping a relationship it's hurting it, and for me, it would end it.

I'm not saying 50/50 blame. But what about 95% and 5%? Or 97% and 3%?

I understand what you're saying, but the person who cheats makes that choice. I would not take any blame for my SO cheating. If he felt he "had" to cheat then why didn't he talk to me first, and explain what was going on?

Again, one needs to look at the reason to WHY something happned and then see where fault and responsibility lie. If you feel somewhat to blame for something happening, can you be more forgiving then if you feel no blame at all?[/Qupte]

I think you're right and it is easier to forgive if you take part of the blame. But I just don't see how the person being cheated on is to blame. The bottom line is the person who cheated made the choice to do that. There are other options.

[QUOTE=Rich]To answer that, just ask Alex Crystal how she feels about her situation. Would she not feel so guilty about breaking up if she did no wrong in this? I don't think so.

That's my point. Get to the root cause and that should determine your course of action.

Rich

I agree, but you should do that before you cheat. Not cheat and then blame it on your partner and say "now lets figure out why I did this".

[AlexCrystal]

I know we are getting off target here with poor Tallguy...maybe I should start a new thread...but I was wondering what everyone's opinion is on if is cheating...and if it means the guy is not happy in the relationship??

[eightball61]

but I was wondering what everyone's opinion is on if is cheating...and if it means the guy is not happy in the relationship??


Great topic for a new thread....

[tallguy]

Hi, still not sure what to do i need to see her face to face, i have basically let the flood gates open told her i love her and that our relationship is important, she says that she doesnt want to hurt me, and she really cares about me.

She seems to have problems giving out emotional stuff, there is a lot of physical contact between us always kissing, holding each other, etc. She hated it when i have to leave her to go home etc.

she doesn't seem to want to tell me off her own back how she feels and i think she doesnt want to face the situation as when i found out she was fighting back crying. She said that she wants it to go back to normal and she doesnt know what else to do. She said she doesn't know if she loves me but when i said could you ever love me she said yes.

I just need to see her to sort it out but that will have to be in a few days. I feel so down and as silly as it sounds it has made me physically ill. I just hurt so much :(

[eightball61]

.

She said that she wants it to go back to normal and she doesnt know what else to do. She said she doesn't know if she loves me but when i said could you ever love me she said yes.




Shes confused and you are hurt :confused: The only right thing I see that can be done here is give each other space for a few days or a week. She says she wants things back to normal but she will need to put her effort into that. Relationships are about compromising and team work.

You both need to learn how to work together. I think having a few days break would be great. In those few days it will allow you both to gather thoughts on where to start things over again. After those few days then you both have a good talk on what its going to take to make this relationship successful. It will basically boil down to respect, love, trust, and compromise. After this talk though allow nature to take its course and give the relationship that one more try.

[tallguy]

Thank you for your advice, i am justing finding it hard to give her space, the arguement we had has made me want to see her more! But your right that i need to back down i have said all i can and i will have to see what she says in her own time not mine. I wish love wasn't so hard.

[eightball61]

You both have to make a decision together. That decision would consist of either spending more time apart or getting closer to resolve these issues. You both have tried to close part and that never really work. I think its best to try the distance(as best as you can) for now to see what happens. If this doesn't work then try one last time working the issues together and if you both can't then you have your answer.

[AlexCrystal]

Women and Men DO NOT respond well to clingy, helpless mates. I'm not saying you are...but believe me...you come across to her as that. She knows she has you wrapped around her little finger....and no, she's not confused...she is pushing you away because you've become too "needy" of her and although we always say we want someone to love us and "need" us...the fact of the matter is...it becomes less attractive, less of a challenge...and doesn't make you really long or want the person anymore...because hell....you already have them salivating at your door.
Again....I'm not saying this is you 100%...but if you feel you have been clingy to her at all...BACK OFF AND DO NOT CALL HER. Believe me....watch and see what happens....you'll be very suprised.....and better yet....if she calls you...you tell her...."Yes, hun...I agree...we are BOTH confused and we BOTH need some space...so take your time and I'm going to take my time on having some space as well".....WATCH AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I BET THE TABLES WILL TURN..because ya see....she will realize that you do not NEED her to continue on with your life. And seriously think about it....you really don't NEED her or anyone in your life to make you happy....I'm sure you were happy before you met her and were able to function in life.....so there in itself proves you don't necessarily NEED her...yes, you'd PREFER her in your life...but you do not NEED her. THERE IS NO WAY TO HAPPINESS....HAPPINESS IS THE WAY.
(some quote from somebody...can't remember who..but I love it)
Good luck...hope this didn't sound too harsh..but sometimes I think people need a quick kick in the butt for a reality check and take care of YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU...and not worry about what you can't change which is HER HER HER HER HER.
Step back, relax and you'll be suprised of the results.
JUST MY OPINION...NOT THE MOST LOVING CARING THING TO DO...BUT I BET IT WILL WORK FASTER THAN RUNNING AFTER HER CONFESSING YOUR LOVE

[tallguy]

thank you very much, i have already told her that i love her and i do keep contacting her, i will not contact her to night till she does it will be hard but what you say makes sense, what im doing is not actually making anything better.

I do need a kick up the butt and i do need to just back down, its just hard to break the cycle.

Thank you

[eightball61]

its just hard to break the cycle.



It is very hard to break out of a normal routine but it can be done. Eventually things will fall back onto place whether thats the continuation of the relationship or if you both just part ways. For now, be mature about the whole thing. You are not avoiding her...what you are doing is taking a step back to revaluate a few things....

Take care and please keep us posted ;)

[Rich]

After reading what you just wrote, I would say that all you have with this girl is just a dating type thing and it won't go further.

I also feel that while she is with you, that she'll meet other guys.

She does not love you.

I thought you had that, we're so in love with each other type of relationship. Obviously you don't have that. You love her, but she doesn't love you.

Take this for what it's worth. Get all the that you can from her and don't invest too much emotionally into this relationship.

Or if you're not that way, then break it off and look for another girl that will love you back as much as you give.

Rich

[tallguy]

Hi all, just thought i would give you an update, basically we met, talked and went back to kind of normal while we were together, she said she needed abit more space to think about what she wants.

But a few days later i got a call and she basically said she needed to not see me for a few weeks to decide what she wants, we were both very upset when talking especially her, i told her how i felt and that i thought it was worth continuing together.

The thing is if we had just gone our seperate ways i would have to just give up, its just i feel weird how she needs the time, as that says to me she doesnt just want to give up either, its more of a does she want a real relationship again.

Also when she told me that she had talked to family it makes me think that she really is trying to decide what she wants and that she is taking it seriously. i think she is scared that we could get even closer, as she was really hurt by her ex, as the emotion she let out made it sound like she was really struggling to decide to let someone close.

The thing is i carnt wait forever and she said she needs a couple of weeks. do i just have to be strong. I really dont want to do anything with anyone till i know. I dont want to keep bothering her as i know that will not help, just need an answer.

I know i should not get my hopes up but the way she was on the phone just makes me think its worth waiting just incase.

Has anyone else been in this situation?
Can a break really help?

[eightball61]

The thing is i carnt wait forever and she said she needs a couple of weeks.




This is your plan.....You can't wait forever and I don't blame you. Give her the two weeks she needs and if she is still undecided then just move on. Its hard as we expressed but you can't hold on forever. You need to set a dealine like you did now and move on if she goes past that. You need to get on with your life and get over her.....you won't do that being attached like this.

[Rich]

When people say that they need "space", or a few weeks to figure out what they want, that's all bullshit!

They're just looking to cushion the blow of the hurt that they feel that they're causing the other person.

Right now she knows EXACTLY how she feels about you. She doesn't need a couple of weeks to figure that out. She's just afraid to do what she wants to do and break it off with you.

IMO, don't keep your fingers crossed waiting for this.

[tallguy]

:( i felt ok in the day today, but know i feel awful. I just dont want to loose her. Im already finding it hard not to text her or phone her. How do i control myself.

i carn't think of anything to fill the time till i know but i carn't just brake it off myself as i need the real reason.

reading what you said rich makes me need to talk to her again before she contacts me. I need to know if she doesn't want to hurt me by telling me or she has put up a barrier to protect herself from getting to close, its one or the other.

should i try and contact her about this? and, how should i do it?

[eightball61]

If you want to give the space then turn off your phone and give it to a liable friend for sometime. You can use another phone to check messages when needed. You need to get rid of that temptation if you want to hopefully succeed. If don't want to annoy her and push her back farther...All you can do is give her those few weeks and if nothing comes out of it you move on.

[tallguy]

i must sound like a right foul, i haven't had many girlfriends and feel the closest to this girl. Thats why i am finding this hard.

The problem is she is a really nice girl and i carn't just give in, this isn't the first time she is finding it difficult to make a decision on something.

I carn't even decide what todo it just feels so 50/50.

Carn't get rid of phone as need it for emergencies etc, but might try turning it off more often, get use to using it less and less.

Do you think it is stupid to send a text in a few days teling her i miss her?

[eightball61]

Do you think it is stupid to send a text in a few days teling her i miss her?


What did she ask for you to do in the next few weeks?

[tallguy]

she needs space, it was just how i was feeling i needed to talk to her but i managed to stop myself i have just left it, its upto her now. I think im just a slow learner! thanks for your help, i really do appreicate it.

[eightball61]

she needs space,


If space is what she wants then space is what you will need to give to her. So that means there is no texting, calling, emailing, or mailing. You stood strong though and you fought off the texting temptation. You may have many more like that but the only thing you can do is fight off the feelings. Please keep us posted when the 2 weeks are up.