Help

[Lisaindeed]

Hey all

Theres an freand of mine ive known for about 4 years and in the last year ive found myself starting to have feelings towards him. Now I feel empty when hes not around and complete when he is. The problem is hes in a relationship. The day he told me he was in a relationship and explained everything that had been going on ''we talk alot'' I ended getting drunk and telling him over the phone my feelings. The thing is I have no memory of it ''I was quite bad''. Now he wants me to talk to him about it. Ive dropped some hints and I get the impression he feels the same. But if i do talk to him about it its going to be tough on him and put him in a terrable situation. I know he loves his current partner mabie not completely as its not been going on for long. What do i do. Refuse to talk my feelings and give up any hope. Put him in that situation and let him deal with it or deal with it together. I dont know. If anyone can give any advice I would be in your det.

Lisa

[eightball61]

Its going to be ok to tell someone your feelings for them. The only thing you don't want to happen is you get in the way of the relationship. If he comes out to say he wants to be with you then allow him to breakup with his GF and have sometime before you both jump into things.

I know you are at a tough position but he now knows your feelings. You need to make the decision whether to have this talk or not. I see no harm in just having a talk but make it known you don't want to come in the way of his current relationship. This may be your only opportunity to do this and I say go for it.....Tell him what and how you feel and leave time for him to put his word in. This may not be the happy ending you are looking for but at least you got out what you wanted to.

[Rich]

Let him know your feelings.

He's a big boy and can handle it.

We're not talking that he's married here, he's just dating. So no biggie.


And let this post be a warning and case in point to all the folks on this forum who have a SO that has or wants a close friend of the opposite . YES YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED!!!!

[Lisaindeed]

What if he chooses to stay with his gf and I wont be able to see him the same. Hes a good friend of mine and always has stood beside me. Is it rearly worth loosing that friendship

[eightball61]

What if he chooses to stay with his gf and I wont be able to see him the same.


You have allready told him once so how would this differ?

[Rich]

He's not going to be a friend of yours for the rest of your life. If you marry someone else, they won't let you keep this "close" guy friend. Especially if you tell your husband your true feelings about the guy. And if you don't tell your husband about how you truly felt about the guy, then you'd be keeping secrets from your husband and that's no way to grow a relationship. Either way, you're hosed. So with this guy you have to shit or get off the pot.

Right now he's a friend but your feelings have changed the game. You don't have the same relationship with this guy now.

I'd bet my house that if you told him how you felt and he didn't want to leave his GF, that he wouldn't tell you that he didn't want to see you anymore.

All people are ego driven. He would want to keep someone around that thought of him like you do. You'd still stay friends. Plus you would be his fall back if he ever did break up. It's nice to have a fall back. He'll keep you.

So if you tell him how you feel, what will change? Your feelings? They already have.

Life is a chance.

It's better to have lived and loved, then never to have loved at all.

Let your heart experience what's it's pushing you to do.

Rich

[Diablo]

I agree with the others. He already knows about your feelings and wants to talk about it, so you may as well. As you said, he hasn't been with his current gf for long and it could be that it's not clicking with her. He could be completely receptive to your feelings and if not, willing to remain friends. However, if he says he just want to be friends, you're going to have to snap yourself out of the state of mind you're in or you'll eventually lose him. It's not as hard people think. You would hurt for a while, but from what I understand, the only time people can't snap out of it is after they've been hit with a thunderbolt and a thunderbolt hits them both, so this particular thing isn't impossible to snap yourself out of, but you should see what he has to say before doing that.

[Howard]

you both can talk about each other's feelings.Let him know how you feel and vice versa.

[Lisaindeed]

Well we talked briefly on the phone and he basicly told me that he has feelings for me too but he still needs to here what i have to say before he will choose weather or not to leave his current gf.

[eightball61]

Well we talked briefly on the phone and he basicly told me that he has feelings for me too but he still needs to here what i have to say before he will choose weather or not to leave his current gf.


My guessing is he may have had feelings for you for a quite sometime and you never noticed it because he never spoke up. Now he has his chance but he doesn't want to give up what he allready has. He needs to hear your words sober and face to face. This will either give him the vibe that you are or are not for real. He doesn't want to make a mistake breaking up with his girlfriend and you leave him dry....hes double checking himself.

Personally, I would take the chance. You may like the benefits ;)

[Howard]

So,I'm thinking that the 3 of you don't want to be all together in some sort of like a menage a trois? :confused:

[Rich]

Howard....that's kinda off base if you've read all the posts.

[Howard]

Howard....that's kinda off base if you've read all the posts.


Sorry Rich I forget to re-read the situation.My apologies.