Please Help me!!!!!!

[Eric22]

Well me and my girlfriend of three years just broke up almost two months ago now. We argued and fought occasionly as do most relationships, but overall there was a lot of love and we truly seemed to be meant for each other. She was mad at me sometimes because I went away to school which was an hour away and seemed to have less time for her then before. Despite being away at school, I came home as much as I could which was atleast every weekend and sometimes during the week. This was one reason that we fought a lot. During our relationship, we often talked about marriage and how we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We were the type of people to only date if we could see ourselves being with the other person forever. Well on our anniversay, we got in a fight and I decided I had enough. For some reason at that moment I didn't care about anything. I left. Well not only did she call that day, but for the next two weeks or so, she called and emailed begging me to come back and work through this. I for some reason didn't want to. Well, about three weeks after we broke up, I then started missing her again and realizing that I had made one of the biggest mistakes in my life. I started talking to her online again to try and tell her how I felt. Well little did I know she had moved on and started dating someone else. Well as you probably know, I was heartbroken to hear this. The thoughts about her at this point were almost every second of every day. I wrote her online several times telling her that I still loved her and was in love with her and that I desparately need another chance to prove myself. She says she can't give it to me because she is dating someone else who she really cares about. I could she care about this guy that much? She has only been dating him like three weeks and we dated for three years. She seems like she is trying to stop talking to me online and cut off communication. I have been crying every day and beating myself up thinking about her anytime I do anything, just trying to replay in my mind everything that had happened. Well her new boyfriend is in the Navy and is leaving in a few months and will be gone for about a year or so. She always complained about time with me like I said, and now she will not be able to see him that long. I asked her about this and she said that it was different because he wasn't choosing not to spend time with me like I was. She needs time in a relationship for her to be happy. After saying all this, is there anything I can do to win this girl back? And by your opinion by what I told you, do you think that her relationship will work out and if not do ex's every get second chances? This is the only person I have cared about and loved so much and can't imagine life without her. I planned on spending the rest of my life with her and being a family together. Can someone please help me out? :( :confused:

[eightball61]

I could be wrong here but it sounds like she may be playing hard to get with you.... :eek:I find it really odd that a person of her type will be able to change feelings over that fast. Now, this guy could be just a rebound but I won't go there.

You gave yourself the proper time and distance. You need to figure out what is really meant. After that time you figured you want back in and now you are ready for that. The problem is she doesn't want you back for whatever reason. Even if this was true or just a game she's basically telling you to back off so just go with her request.

If this was a game then it would be her lost. She cried and wanted you back but you just weren't ready. This all could be true and your lost but either way this relationship is just not meant to happen. Take the signs that are given to you and just move on like you did before. You don't need this drama and you need to move onto a relationship where its meant to be.

[CalistaClap]

Hey Eric. It does seem that she moved on with someone else rather quickly. I'm wondering if she didn't feel as strongly as she thought she did?

When someone is completely head over heels in love, the thought of dating someone else isn't there.

Maybe once she got over the devistation that you and her were "though" it came through clearer to her that she wasn't as happy as she could be.

If you fought and argued as much as you said you did, then it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. Especially if it was over something as silly as you going to school. She should have been HAPPY that you were going away to school and getting a better education. That would have been putting you first, over herself, which is how it should be in a good relationship (or so I'm told). Even if it's hard on her not seeing you as much, it's better for you life en-total that you get an education. That should have been something that she seen, accepted and learned to live with.

I understand that you love her, but maybe this is a blessing in disguise. (I know it was when it happened to me a few months ago).

She should be feeling just as crushed as you do if her feelings were the same as yours. She isn't, so that says quite alot.

Wish I could be more positive, but that's just the way I see it. ;)

[lisa818181]

Coming back every weekend and often at some point during the week is a lot, especially considering the 2 hour round trip drive it took you. Plus I'm sure you had plenty of work to do for school, you had to get it done sometime. Did SHE ever come visit YOU? If not, that is somewhat excusable if she didn't have a license or a car (although most people are capable of obtaining both if they need them). But otherwise, it means she was making you do all the work. If she wa unable to understand that you were doing the best you could to see her as often as possible, that's not a very good girlfriend. Sounds pretty selfish, actually.

Also, jumping right into another relationship so soon after ending a 3 year one doesn't usually work out so well. I'm not saying she will go right back to you, but a person needs time to heal and get over something that serious.

[CalistaClap]

Especially if it's a new relationship, and then he leaves for a year....

[eightball61]

I don't know :confused: this all sounds a little to fishy for me....

[Eric22]

Thanks for all the advice. I really do appreciate it. But what do you mean this sounds kinds of fishy?? Dont understand. And the reason she couldnt come see me is because she didnt have a car or license. She is from a poor family and really didnt get much. Well I welcome more advice. Thanks

[eightball61]

I stated that this all sounds fishy because it seems she may be playing a game. It's possible but I find it really hard to believe that someone can get over a love so quickly. Her mind could be just so messed up that she needed to have someone else by her side but this guy will be leaving. Its sounds fishy because she couldn't date you because you were never there(as she stated) but then she goes on to date someone that will be leaving in the military :confused:

You can't tell me this doesn't make sense to you...

[Eric22]

No, it makes perfect sense to me. This is what I even asked her and she said that the reason is because he is not choosing to spend time with her because he has to go. I guess I had the "choice" and didnt as she says. She is just confusing about the whole subject, but I still love her to death anyways. So do you think that my best advice is just to stop talking to her and see what happens?

[eightball61]

Either way you look at it you're in a tough postion...."if" this was all an act then I would say "yes" to moving on because you don't need that immaturity but then again if this is the truth then she has moved on then you need to do the same. Its really tough to tell you which direction to go.. :confused:

She has left you hanging and thats why you are so confused. Maybe you outta place on more contact call to her asking what she wants. If she wants you to stop bothering her or there is just no hope then leave the situation to die so you can start moving on.

[Eric22]

So you think the best thing for me to do is actually call her and talk to her and ask her what she wants. If she wants me to stop bothering her then just do it and let things work out how they are supposed to? I think that is what you said but wasnt sure. Just very confused as you could probably see. Thanks

[eightball61]

So you think the best thing for me to do is actually call her and talk to her and ask her what she wants. If she wants me to stop bothering her then just do it and let things work out how they are supposed to?


Right....This call will give you the last closure as well as knowing where things stand. This will give her the hint that you are done and want to move on. To me there is no point in keep trying for something that you can't have. If this was all a game its her fault and she will learn from it. You need to get on with yourself and try to seek better....

[CalistaClap]

I don't think that you should call her (sorry eightball).

She has decided to date another guy. She already told you that she has '"feelings" for him and won't just leave him.

I think that you should just go on with your life. She knows you want her back. Leave it at that. If she wants to be with you, then she will come back.

I'm not saying that you should cut off contact, but I do think that you need to stop trying to "win" her back, or change her mind.

Odds are, it probably won't work out with her and him. Rebound relationships rarely do. Then add him going away for a year after only dating for a few weeks on top of that.

You say that she came from a poor family, and couldn't come to see you. That's very acceptable. BUT, she also put ALOT of pressure onto you to come home more than you should have to. YOu were in school and really didn't need extra stress on top of that. Being supportive and understanding about the difference in seeing each other is something that should come with the relationship. It seems she was making you feel guilty for something that you should have been commended for.

[eightball61]

I think that you should just go on with your life. She knows you want her back. Leave it at that. If she wants to be with you, then she will come back.
.


Thats is a good point, Calista. I never thought of it this way and now that I do its probably best he just leave it as is.

Thanks ;)

[Eric22]

Thanks a lot both of you. It really does help getting advice from both of you. I do agree that right now she knows how I fell and if she wants to come back she knows where to find me. I am just going to leave her alone and see how things work out. Hopefully one day she will see what she had with me was real and give me another chance. Thanks again. :)

[eightball61]

Please keep us posted :)

[Rich]

All is fair in love and war.

If you want this girl then go pursue her up until she says "I do" to someone else.

Hopefully you learned a valuable lesson and that is to not let your pride get in the way. By breaking it off and not speaking to her out of spite and pride, you lost something valuable to you. Hopefully you now know how stupid and foolish it is to do something like that and you won't do it anymore, in ANY relationship.

As for your GF, she's immature. If she's busting your balls for going away to college to better yourself (better job and career) and maybe better the situation for BOTH of you if you were to get married, then she's immature and selfish for doing so.

To want you to be by her side and not go to college is short sighted and selfish. I guess she really liked you having a car and driving her places. That's probably a bigger reason why she didn't want you so far away.

IMO I think that her and her current BF won't last. To only be together for a short period doesn't hold a long distance relationship together. Hell, couples that are married and that have been together for a long time often times don't make it through a separation like the one that she's going to go through right now. Her and her BF haven't built enough in this short period to sustain the separation. She'll crack.

I say to pursue this girl and make her yours again if you want. But don't marry her. You two still have a lot of growing up and maturing to do yet.

I would write her a letter and just say that you respect her decision but that you love her and will be here if ever she needs you. THen step back and wait.

Guaranteed that a month or two after he's gone, that she'll be calling you. That is if she really loved you like you claimed that she did. If her feelings for you weren't that true, then it's a crap shoot if she'll come back to you or just look for someone else.

It's a definate though that her and this other guy won't last.

[Eric22]

Alright well to update you guys, I didnt talk to her for like a week and a half and then one day she imd me on my phone. I always have my instant messenger on my phone and she never im's me but then after not talking for that long she im'd me. Then a few days later, we talked online for like 3 hours until 3 in the morning. Then we didnt talk again for like a week. Well she graduated this weekend and I was going to go but didnt because I was afraid I would be hurt if I saw her and her new bf. Well she imd me today about watching me dog, which was ours, because i will be gone next weekend and need someone to watch her. Anyways, I asked her how graduation was yesterday and she said it was ok. Then she said "My "b/f" didnt even stay the whole thing" I asked why not and she said he went golfing instead. Then I asked her why she put b/f in quotes and she said because thats not something a b/f would do. She then said no matter how much we argued, I definately would have stayed the whole thing, talking about me. What do you guys make of all this? Am I just reading into it too much? The pain is still here and its been about 2 months. I just wish it was easier. I guess it just makes it harder since she was also my best friend. Well I appreciate the advice in advance.

[eightball61]

She then said no matter how much we argued, I definately would have stayed the whole thing, talking about me. .

I think she just need someone to turn to about this situation. Currently, she "is" still dating her boyfriend and in that case I would say you are reading to much into her words. She needed someone to vent to yesturday and she new you would listen. She has a boyfriend and she should be communicating this stuff to him and not her ex(no offense). Your status as being the "ex" has not change so there is no point in thinking her words meant different.

You need to brush this convo. off and try to proceed in moving on.....There is no change in anything so there is no point in thinking different.

[zanshin2005]

HI All, Just checkin back to these boards to see whats new. Thought I would comment on this one.

oy oy oy! Hey man, I read your story, and I feel for you. I understand how hard it is, especially when it was your "first" love. We always imagine these things, like "I plan on being with her for the rest of my life." When things start getting bumpy, its hard to watch it fall apart.

You are only human, and you are going to get into arguments with anyone you care about, especially in relationships. It seems evident that you really do care about this girl, trying to spend as much time as you could with her and effortlessy trying to win her back. But there are things that you must take care of to better your own life as well, such as school. There is nothing wrong in looking out for number one sometimes, when your future is at stake. If she truly cared about you, she would understand.

If she got mad at you because you were going to school to try and create a future for yourself, and quite possibly her, then something is definately is wrong. I agree with some of the other posters in them saying that is she is acting quite selfish. It seems that she was using you a little bit, telling you the things that you wanted to hear and feel, but in reality, how much has she done for you? You seem like a really caring sincere guy, and she took advantage of that.

Once you left, she probably grabbed the closest thing she could find and latched on to it. ie) the "new guy". As she may be realizing that it may not work out as planned, she is already showing signs that she is slowly trying to creep into your life again by talking to you(An environnment that she is comfortable and familiar with) especially about her "b/f" and his "un b/f" behaviour. After knowing you for three years, i'm sure she knows how to pull your strings a bit.

Don't play this game. Its going to lead you to more drama. I know you really care and love her, but you need to allow yourself some serious breathing room. Focus on school and bettering yourself. Find some new activities to do, and enjoy single life.(Its not that bad! Really! :)) Slowly put this behind you. I know it sounds tough, but you can do it. As you move on, new people will come into your life, and someday the right girl for you that will care and respect you for who you are.

Enjoy life dude, keep fighting the good fight. Good luck!