Cheating and Gonnorhea

[nikol0304]

Well to make a long story short...my boyfriend of 2 years and I have been pretty unhappy lately. Well 2 weeks ago he told me that he had met someone else but that he never had with her. Apparently there was only oral involved. Needless to say..talking to someone else was enough for me to be DONE. Well after the fact he told me that after all of this...he realized that I was the only one he wanted to be with. And that he wanted to marry me and be happy together... Well...i believed him - and needless to say hes been kissing my ass since then. Well today...we both found out that he (and I) have gonnorhea. Needless to say I made a phone call to the girl in question. And sure enough she told me she tested positive for gonnorhea. The only person I told was my best friend and all she can tell me is to leave him. I love him to death and I know hes sorry for what he did and I definitely know that hes learned his lesson. What should I do? Is it worth it to try and move on from this? I want to believe everything he says but am I wrong for doing so?

[Rich]

I guess you're lucky that you didn't get the gift that keeps on giving, like herpes. Or even worse, AIDS!!!

is Russian roulette in this day and age. You're lucky that all you got was gonnorhea.

So what lesson did he learn actually? Not to cheat?

That doesn't address the root cause as to why he cheated. IMO you need to work through WHY he cheated and the thoughts behind wanting to.

Was he bored with you? Was it thrown at him and he was weak?


Find out why he cheated and then see if you can stay with him.

Also, hypothetically, if he had given you Aids, would you want him back?

If the answer is no, then is the severity of the sickness that you caught more important than his act of infidelity?

Rich

[eightball61]

This is not your first problem with this man. You are 19 and he is like 28 if I remember correctly. In the past months he has been very protective of you and forceful about having a child. This is the type of man you don't want to have children with.

You need to look around at some of the current threads because recently there has been a rise on subjects about cheating. You love this guy but to me it clearly shows he doesn't love you. I understand that people make mistakes but he finds a way to continue making them.

It is your choice to stay with him but as my opinion you would be a fool. To him that will show that he has won and has power over you. How much wrong is it going to take to make you realize that the feelings you have for him he doesn't have for you? You are getting suckered by him.........

Look, you have a ual transmitted disease he gave you.....whats next?? The disease is easily cured and you should concentrate on having that done with the doctor. Your least worries should be about getting back together with this guy.

Here's some info:http://health.yahoo.com/ency/adam/000623/0


If I was in your position I wouldn't take him back after all he put me through....You are young and you don't need a guy like this ruining future relationships for you....

[AlexCrystal]

So is he still saying he didn't sleep with her??? Only oral?? I doubt it.
If he is still saying he didn't sleep with her...I'd have a hard time believing him.
Have you ever cheated on him?
Were you both tested prior to having together when you first met him years ago? If not....there is no telling where it came from. But that still doesn't address the issue at hand. I think you are too young to get married...just my opinion. I am no where near the same person at 27 now than I was at 19.....and you can count on it that you won't be either. I say date and have fun....you've already spent 2 years of your "dating for fun" age with this guy. I still don't know why guys go for such younger girls...almost 10 years in this case....I think it's a control thing....NOT ALL..I KNOW THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS....but more so than not.
If you love this guy....it doesn't matter what any one of us tells you...you will stick with him until finally one day you've had enough. I don't think this is the straw that has brokend the camel's back yet....I can tell by reading your thread. It would be nice to move our emotions to the side and think only with our heads when it came to making descisions in love...but we can't....

[nikol0304]

Also, hypothetically, if he had given you Aids, would you want him back?

If the answer is no, then is the severity of the sickness that you caught more important than his act of infidelity?

Rich

Thats a very good analogy. And the answer to both questions would be...no.

You know..I hate it when people jump to conclusions about other peoples relationships. Nobody ever knows the whole story, but yet they still continue to judge. I believe infidelity is highly unacceptable, but at the same time..I really believe that being with me is what he truly wants, not only from his words..but also from his actions. What sux is that it took him going out and meeting someone else to realize that.

Rich - I appreciate your well thought out, mature response as it was 100% more helpful than any others.

[nikol0304]

How much wrong is it going to take to make you realize that the feelings you have for him he doesn't have for you? You are getting suckered by him......

I'm sorry- but I know that he loves me. As vunerable and powerless as I may sound...I still know that he loves me - and I truly believe that he wants to make things work between us. If not- why would he care enough to tell me about everything?

Look people- in no way am I trying to stick up for him- because what he did was not only completely and utterly disgusting, but it was disrespectful as well. Not to mention it will take months for him to prove himself to me again. But I truly believe that he is willing and wanting to do that.

All that I wanted was some advice on how to cope with this...how to move on from this..how to learn from this...

The last thing I wanted to hear was that he didn't love me.

[eightball61]

All that I wanted was some advice on how to cope with this...how to move on from this..how to learn from this...



.


^^ Read your quote again and my original post. I gave you the answers there. To post here you need to be open-minded and except other peoples views. Its a huge world out there and all minds are not alike. You came here for help, right??? You didn't come here for someone to root with you, did you???

I take shots as I see them..... I went back to your prior threads to refresh myself of your situation. My response is totally how I feel about your situation. I can't help the fact that I don't see things blindly. These are my thoughts and I will stick them .

You are getting all defensive and not being open-minded. If you don't like someones opinion then just be mature about it and pass over it. Your approach in last few post have been immature. I am sorry to reply openly to your thread you made publicly. You needed help though and thats why posted.

I will take full responsibilty and say this post I just created in response is being immature but I am sticking up for the other posters you wanted help from.....I see that you are all set now and I will leave things as that. Good Day

[eightball61]

Let me ask you this if I may...

Would you ever cheat on him? & If you say no can you please state why?



This would be a great help if you can answer these questions.


Thank You
8-ball

[AlexCrystal]

[QUOTE=nikol0304]You know..I hate it when people jump to conclusions about other peoples relationships.

We, on this site, can never possibly know the whole story....it's like you want advice...but if you don't like what you hear then it's "jumping to conlusions" and "judging" you. Based strictly upon what you have told us....WHICH IS ALL WE HAVE TO GO BY TO GIVE YOU ADVICE...I can't see how anyone is going to give you positive advice. I just think you don't want to face the reality behind your issues here. Your BF's actions are not indicative of love....like Rich told me....his actions mean he is not TOTALLY satisfied, happy and in love with you.
No one is putting you down on here...we care and want to help you and are trying to give you non-biased advice...of which you normally can't get from family and friends that know you well. Take care, and keep us posted.....I'm sure it will all work out in the long run....we really mean no harm...just help.

[eightball61]

Hey "Look People",

Here I have provided links to nikol0304 past threads so you all have a better understanding of her situation:

http://www.relationshipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=287


http://www.relationshipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=278


I hope these help define her situation better.

Thanks
8-ball

[inquisitive]

Since you've already forgiven him for what he's done the only thing you can do is move past the STD. BUT just because you forgave him doesn't mean you should trust him 100% right away. I'd ask him to wear protection for a while. Considering that he gave you an STD he should have no qualms about it. Then when he's proven to you he'll be faithful, and you are 100% sure you can trust him not to cheat again he can stop wearing protection.

[Rich]

Nic-

You have forgiven him, but have you two worked through the issue as to why he cheated?

What made him do it?

That's what needs to be fixed.

You also mentioned that if he had given you aids that you would not have taken him back or that the severity of the sickness isn't the deciding factor. But you took him back. Sort of contradictory, no?

If the severity of the sickness isn't the deciding the factor, then if you would not have taken him back if he gave you aids, then you should not have taken him back now.

Just asking.

Either way. Good luck and trust your heart.

Good luck