confused...please help!?

[disenchanted 1]

I started dating a guy from my graduate school about 7 months ago and I thought things were going well until in February he mentioned he needed space. After mentioning that I would break up, we decided to continue. His request for space made me scared and afterwards every time we would get in arguments I would say I don't want to be with you or why are we continuing this...etc. And I feel terrible about that but that was my defense mechanism. So anyway, he broke up with me after we got into an argument. He said that he is not ready for a relationship and he wants some time alone. He wants to be just friends. Regardless, before our summer break began I saw him and his last words were "if I dont see you have a good summer" which I took it that he would never call me until the new school year began. But then he called the next day to say that "i have your coat" which has been there for a long time (he said I should come and get it..I didn't...just told him to keep it till after our class resumes) and also to tell me to "call him when I get my grade..he wants to know how I did"...well this was all monday. I called him wednesday night to let him know about my grade. I decided early on to keep the conversation short and to be the one who ends it first and I did. at the end I just said have a good summer ...so basically I made it sound as if I dont expect or want him to call me back but then his response was "talk to you later" in a "is it ok" sort of way....and I just said yes and we said bye...His attempts at keeping in contact to me is contradictory to his wish to break up with me...It is utterly confusing. I hate analyzing all of this but its hard when he does all this and I still care for him so much. Why would he want to "talk later" or want to know about my grades...I dont understand. I greatly appreciate any advice because just understanding the situation will help me get through it.

[shelby644644]

This could be a classic case of having his cake and eating it. He's got a whole summer ahead of him and may want the freedom of being single during that time, but at the same time wants to remain in contact with you 'just in case'.
Alternatively, he could genuinely care for you and want to keep in touch because of that.
I guess there's only one answer - ask him. Ask him, in a non-confrontational way, why he keeps contacting you. Ask him to be open and honest - you may find this guy ends up making a fantastic friend. Or you may find he's a bit of a shit!
Your defence mechanism is natural but a more casual approach from your side will get much better results. Most importantly - enjoy YOUR summer. You never know what mind be just around that sunny corner...
Sx.

[eightball61]

This sounds like a few things to me:

1. When he says "talk to you latter" it seems that he feels he has you locked down. He may be assuming you will call no matter what because you are going to try everything just to get him back. If this is the case my advice would be enjoy your summer and don't call him.

2. This cold also mean that he does want you to call. Even though it sounded like you were closing the deal like he did with "have a good summer" he may actually want you to call.


It's really hard to tell what may be going on in that brain of his. My suggestion is wait a few weeks then give him a call. Keep the time limit for about 10 minutes and mention that he should call you sometime. After that call then go without calling him until he calls. If he doesn't call then you should know his words are true. This is a start to something and I just hate to see you get confused if he is playing mind games.

[Rich]

I agree with Shelby in that he wants his freedom but would also like to keep you simmering on the back burner in case he "needs" you.

Who needs the games. Go enjoy life! You're too young to be thinking about a LTR. Enjoy your freedom and begining adulthood. There's so much ahead of you.

[shelby644644]

Rich,
You're so wise and good... any chance you can go to my posts on married/is cyber cheating/pages 8 onwards... give me your advice. Not that Eightball hasn't given excellent tips but another opinion is always good!
Sx.

[Rich]

Shelby....thank you for the compliment.

I'll go check it out.