Am I over-reacting?? Please Help!!

[jaycee7d9]

Alright, you probably don't have many guys posting on this site but every now and again we have problems too. I have only been engaged about a month, and we have been dating a year. My fiancé and I normally get along very well bar a few problems. What relationship doesent have problems? Anyway, we have this re-occuring problem of her going to some of her friends homes (whom I don't know) to visit and not comming back until well after midnight, sometimes as late as 5am. It usually starts with "I am going over to So-and-So's house, I will be back around 8:30 or so" and then I dont see or hear from her until early the next morning. I see this as lying to me. I feel that it is rude and disrespectful to me for her to do this, we are engaged and live together, she shouldn't be going out all night with her friends. She claims that she isn't doing anything wrong, but she always has an excuse on why she doesent come back at a respectable hour like "I fell asleep over there while watching a movie". I might be over-reacting, but I feel I can't trust her, we have arguments about it, and she says she will make it better and not do it again. But it usually isn't but a few days until she does it again. I don't know if I should call off the engagement or not, I can't deal with the mistrust. Hell, she might be out cheating on me for all I know. I feel I have invested everything I have in this relationship and it is killing me that she wants to put me through this worry and hurt all of the time. Am I over reacting or too controling, or am I justified in this request?

Please post up and let me know what you think I should do or she should do, I am going to ask her to read this post after some of you give your opinions.
Thanks ahead of time.

[eightball61]

I see this as lying to me. I feel that it is rude and disrespectful to me for her to do this,


My thought would be the same if I was in your situation. The problem is she is lieing to you. I say this because you don't know who these "friends" are and fromt he sound of it you won't either. If she sees it as no big deal then you would no more information to these friends and her where abouts.

You need to approach this situation strongly to her. She is not respecting you or the relationship and this needs a change. You either need to now about these friends or she can't go. She has to make a choice on what she wants. She can't live two seperate lives. She needs to live one life or choose the one she wants.

[Rich]

I would ask her if she felt married to you now. Also ask her if she will be doing the same thing after you're married.

Ask her also what her idea of marriage is? Is it to be with the man that she most loves in this world and who is promising to spend the rest of her life with, or is it leaving him and hanging out with people he doesn't know until all hours of the night?

Ask her how she'd feel if it was you doing what she is doing.

If you're not 1 million percent sure of this relationship and of your partner, then put the engagement on hold until you are sure.

From the outside looking in it looks like your fiance wants to spend more time away from you then with you. Not a great recipe for a long lasting, secure and happy marriage.

Just my opinion.

[SALly]

Wow, I was out really late one time, I got home at 6am. Hubby was pissed!! I told him I feel asleep at a friend's house--- that isn't exactly what happened! I would be concerned if I was you. I can see periodically going out until 1am or so, but anything later - NO. She should respect your situation enough to be home at a reasonable hour. Although on the flip side, I hate when guys don't think their girl should ever go out anywhere without them, or should never be out past 9 or 10pm.

[inquisitive]

If I were you I'd be worried too. Why don't you know her "friends" that she's stays overnight with?

To me it doesn't sound like she is ready to be in a commited relationship at all. She should be wanting to spend her nights with you. Going out once in a while late isn't a big deal, but continuously, and with people you don't know? Not a good sign.

Since you're not 100% sure about the engagement anymore, and her actions are saying she isn't I'd put it on hold. You definitely need to sit down and have a conversation about where your relationship is going, and if this behaviour will continue after your marriage.

[Diablo]

Smart couples allow each other nights out, but why hasn't she invited you over on one of these nights? Why is it that you don't know these people? Could you even contact her in the event of an emergency while she's with her friends?

[jaycee7d9]

Well, we had another blow-out this afternoon, and I told her either she was going to have to change to make this relationship for the better or I was calling it off.............her decision was to cut contact with her friends, now she is over-reacting!!!! I want her to spend time with her friends, let her hair down and hang-out every now and then, I just dont want it happening till 3am, and certainly not every other day while I am sitting at home with a thumb in my colon (figure of speach).

[eightball61]

She is the one that is staying out late at night and being all secrective about things. The problem here lies in her hands and she needs to grow up and learn how to handle herself. If she wants to keep this relationship then she will need to be a little more open. You are not the one at fault....if this wasn't such a big deal then you would know these friends and know more about her where abouts.

[inquisitive]

Well, we had another blow-out this afternoon, and I told her either she was going to have to change to make this relationship for the better or I was calling it off.............her decision was to cut contact with her friends, now she is over-reacting!!!! I want her to spend time with her friends, let her hair down and hang-out every now and then, I just dont want it happening till 3am, and certainly not every other day while I am sitting at home with a thumb in my colon (figure of speach).

Make sure you let her know that! Since she overreacted so much she may not have realized that you felt so strongly, and now wants to correct the situation as fast as posible (which is good), but just went a little two far lol. Just let her know what you are comfortable with.

[Diablo]

Don't give into the temptation to give into her. Everyone needs some nights out, but every other day is too much. However, her first overreaction was to offer to cut her friends off. She shouldn't have to do that, just go there less and not stay so long when she does is the way I read it. You two are in a boundary despute and it needs to be resolved before y'all get married.

[vaiolust]

Well i think you are well within your rights to know where she is at.. sure eveyone needs alone time, i mean who doesnt right? but to me, it seems like she could at least be honest.. she dosent need to tell you the specifics about it, just the basics.. where you were, and how long you would be gone.. nothing more is needed, and i agree with you, also how she puts up a fight with it.. to me, anyone that puts up a fight, has things to hide.. thats the way i look at it.. why would you be mad if you had nothing to hide? correct?

[Rich]

Your Gf's over reaction is like that of a little child. She has some maturing to do.

She just doesn't get it.