Any tips on how to talk?

[Colette]

Hi

I know this is a stupid question but does anyone have any tips on how to talk. As my previous posting mentioned me and my man are going through a rocky time and last night we had a brief chat were he told me he isnt cheating on me he only said he was to be nasty at the time and as he's the world's worst liar I knew he was telling the truth.

So basically what we need to do is talk TO each other for a change rather than AT each other which I think we may have been doing for a while now.

Any suggestions would be welcome

Thank you

[smackie9]

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Women are emotional, and expressive with their feelings, that is why we are great communicators. Men on the other hand are not unless the information put forth is a value to them. Things like , food or game scores are usually the priority and not relationship issues. To him things are settled and wants to move forward from it. In his eyes you are the one that needs to work your trust issues and it should you should to be the one to figure it out on your own. He's doesn't want to "deal" with it anymore. In a nut shell, guys prefer to sweep it under the rug and hope it just goes away lol. I'm guessing you want the both of you to be more emotionally connected. So to get your guy to talk more, it will have to be unforced and subject matter that is positive. If he has certain interests, talk about that. They like it when their woman shows interest in them and what they are doing. It falls under being supportive category, which is one of the things men need. Talk about ual fantasies and maybe be ually suggestive in those convos. In a way it's manipulation, but it works and I've had no complaints :) Tip: never start off a conversation with "we need to talk" or "I need reassurance about something". They're thinking "oh no not this" and the eye roll up in their head lol. That's why it ends up with less talking and more avoidance. You want to make it something that they will look forward to and not cringe at. Remember, interests and . It's pretty simple.

[Colette]

I wish I had thought about that a few days ago as I think I have said a few times now that we need to talk which has got me nowhere and he has done his utmost to avoid me while saying he loves me and wants to be with me.
I do know now that though a few months ago I wanted to live with him now am not in as much of a rush as I dont even know whether we will be together at xmas but we shall see

[smackie9]

The reason your relationship hasn't gone to the next lvl is because of your trust issues. He's looking for change from you before he takes the next step. I know someone (guy) who has been dating his GF for years. They do live together but he is hesitant to an engagement. His GF has trust and jealousy issues. She constantly calls him to keep tabs on him. Accuses him of all kinds of crap that it gets reticules. It drives him nuts. He told me there will be no ring until he sees change from her. He hasn't the balls to tell her this, which I keep telling him to. We shall see huh.

[smackie9]

The reason your relationship hasn't gone to the next lvl is because of your trust issues. He's looking for change from you before he takes the next step. I know someone (guy) who has been dating his GF for years. They do live together but he is hesitant to an engagement. His GF has trust and jealousy issues. She constantly calls him to keep tabs on him. Accuses him of all kinds of crap that it gets reticules. It drives him nuts. He told me there will be no ring until he sees change from her. He hasn't the balls to tell her this, which I keep telling him to. We shall see huh.

**ridiculous**(spelling :P)

[Colette]

I must admit I don't call him to check on him at all cos his night job is a bouncer (which is how we met cos I used to have a 2nd job as a barmaid) and though I know I could be jealous cos girls throw themselves at bouncers to get into clubs I know I can trust him on that score. He actually called me before and said maybe he shouldn't have said he cheated (even though it was just to be nasty) cos he feels like he is going to lose me now and he doesn't want that and much as though it was a rushed conversation it actually felt for the first time in ages like we were properly talking to each other and I was more shocked that he opened up like that cos he never opens up.

Maybe I wont get rid before xmas,might get a few good nights out over xmas to make up for this : ) but I think we can get through this and though I dont want to do the whole engaged, getting married and having kids thing (I like kids I just dont want them) I will just be happy if we get back to getting on

Thank you for all your replies though

[smackie9]

Hah funny you should say that. I never wanted kids either and I never was the marrying type. Been living in sin for 20 years, kid free. I met him at a club I worked at, him a customer tho.

[Colette]

We liked each other for AGES before we finally got together and that was only cos my mate got off with a fella and left me alone at the club so my fella gave me a lift home and the rest as they say is history. Am glad we did get together though

Now I am going to cheer myself up by opening up the big box of chocolate truffles I bought myself today, will try not to eat too many though : )

[Colette]

If I am ever going to have kids I may start when I am about 90 years old, what do you reckon? : )

[smackie9]

LOL hey if ya have the energy go hard :p

[Colette]

I can just picture myself with my little zimmer frame trying to pull younger men while trying to keep my false teeth in :) best stop that now cos the image is putting me off my chocolate

Best not tell my fella as hes older than me :)