What should I do???

[Niceguylast]

Well, I will try to make this as short as possible. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over 3 years and living together for about 2 1/2. Well about a year ago I found out that she was cheating on me. All of her friends knew and were involved in helping her cover it up. Even the friend who hooked us up together was the main trouble maker. Well I found out from a close friend of mine and I confronted her and she completely denied it. For weeks she said that all she wanted was to "spend some time" alone with her friends. Well I couldn’t keep her from going anywhere so I was forced to except her wishes. Meanwhile I was a bit cautious b/c she was never like that before. To make a long story short I ended up staying with her, but now I am extremely questionable when she wants to "spend some time" with the same people that were involved in the incident. Am I wrong for felling like this??? I have explained to her my feelings, and my reasoning on my I don’t trust her with those certain people. Well now that it is a year later, she is doing that same thing and using the same excuse prior.

[eightball61]

You gave her another chance into the relationship after the lieing and cheating on you. I know its been a year since the incident and this is where it make things tough. Eventually, you'll have to trust her and allow her to go out little by little but for now I understand your concern because these are the friends that helped her out.

Express your concern about them and how you feel. If you are not ready to trust her then let her know that and let it be done. I will say she may not see your side to this and may create a fight. If she argues the fact hardcore then just let her go. Those friends are not good friends and you are trying to build the trust in the relationship. Eventually, she will need to have more space to go out but these friends are friends you just can't trust.

[SALly]

Well, I will try to make this as short as possible. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over 3 years and living together for about 2 1/2. Well about a year ago I found out that she was cheating on me. All of her friends knew and were involved in helping her cover it up. Even the friend who hooked us up together was the main trouble maker. Well I found out from a close friend of mine and I confronted her and she completely denied it. For weeks she said that all she wanted was to "spend some time" alone with her friends. Well I couldn’t keep her from going anywhere so I was forced to except her wishes. Meanwhile I was a bit cautious b/c she was never like that before. To make a long story short I ended up staying with her, but now I am extremely questionable when she wants to "spend some time" with the same people that were involved in the incident. Am I wrong for felling like this??? I have explained to her my feelings, and my reasoning on my I don’t trust her with those certain people. Well now that it is a year later, she is doing that same thing and using the same excuse prior.
Is she cheating again? Or is she just saying she wants time alone with her friends again?

[Rich]

Forgiveness and trust aren't the same thing.

You forgave her but it was up to her to build the trust back up. Seems like she's not doing that if you're feeling like you do.

Trust is a big issue and you don't have it. If you don't think that you'll get it back....then leave her.

Did you both ever work through the issue as to why she cheated in the first place? What did she get from that guy that she wasn't or couldn't get from you?

Seems like you need to address that issue so that there isn't a need for her to look elsewhere.

[Niceguylast]

Well she states that her reasoning for doing what she did was that I put her through emotional drama in the beginning of our relationship. Well, when I first met her I made it completely clear that I was just dating around, and really looking for that person to have a serious relationship with. I guess to her she was never in a situation like that before so, she decided to bring it up 2 years later and use it as an excuse to justify what she did. So now she says that she got even with me, but I never knew that it turned into some childish game like that. I feel that there was nothing to get even with, when she knew up front when I met her I explained that I was looking for a serious relationship, and I even ended up with her so I dont think there should have been anything to "get even".

[Rich]

Miscommunication and immaturity.

I guess you never came out and said that you weren't dating around anymore and had settled on her.

As for her getting even.....did you ever cheat on her? What's there to get even about? Did you date other women while dating her?

Maybe she felt in the beginning of your relationship that you still "looked" around.

I would just express to her what she did back then and the excuses that she used and what is happening right now.

Going back to thoughts on other posts. If this was such a great relationship, then you and her should be best friends and she should be wanting to hang out with you. The fact that she's looking outside of the relationship doesn't bode well or speak to how solid you guys are.

I don't see this relationship lasting a lifetime. So you can either keep wasting valuable time, or go find someone else and try again. IMO.

[eightball61]

Well she states that her reasoning for doing what she did was that I put her through emotional drama in the beginning of our relationship. .



Why are you playing into these games ? Relationships are not meant about "getting even." You have been nothing but honest with her from the beginning. If she is not ready to settle then she should have never dragged you through all of that. Your choice now is to find out why she wants to go? If she has the same reasoning as before then you need to figure out what you want because her doing this to you is not fair. You have gave her the second chance so now its time to wake up and face reality as it hits ya....

[Diablo]

She doesn't sound mature enough to make a relationship last. Everyone needs nights out, and maybe she's just spending time with friends. It's her saying she had the affair to get even with you that throws up the red flag with her. If I were you, I would have showed her the door then, but it would be a little weird for you to do it now.