Getting rid of the bitterness....

[CalistaClap]

Hey all. My ex and I have been broken up for....about 3 and a half months. (It was a very VERY messy breakup, on his end)

I've over missing him, the feelings, thinking about him, and all of that crap.

Just wondering how long it usually takes to get over the general "bitterness".

I'm by no means looking to get back into another serious relationship at the moment, I know I'm obviously not ready, but even the thought of it in the future makes me grumble.

Is this the norm, and if so, how long does it take to stop being bitter towards relationships in general?

[eightball61]

Is this the norm, and if so, how long does it take to stop being bitter towards relationships in general?


I never been through a tough breakup as you know CalistaClap but I would imagine "time" is the key to all of this.....

Your ex. did just about everything wrong in a relationship. He hurt you in many ways with the lieing, cheating, ect . You mind is so confused on whether when to start something new again. What you need is just space away from it all. You are still young and have plenty of dating time left. Don't rush your thoughts. Try to be patient and only try something new when you feel ready. If you find out you are not ready then explain that to the new guy and take more time for yourself.

[Rich]

It all depends on your outlook on life and how you are as a person.

If you're generally a happy person who doesn't hold a grudge, then it should end quickly.

If you're an optimistic person instead of a pesimistic person, then it should end rather quickly.

If you're a person that thinks that life is too short to go around unhappy, then it should end rather quickly.

Also know that keeping in all of this negativity and harboring bitterness can get you physically sick.

Just let it go. BTW, what's there to be bitter about? You're an adult. You made the decision to be with that person and you could have left at anytime.

So anything that came about or happened, you can sort of blame yourself because it was your choice to be with him.

But we can never stay mad at ourselves. :-) So let it go.

Just view it as a learning experience and move on. Nothing to be bitter about. Sometimes we learn more from our mistakes than the right choices that we make. Just look at your past relationship as just that.

Life goes on.

Be happy.

And just remember. Happiness is not a destination but how you travel instead.

Happy people aren't bitter

[CalistaClap]

That's the thing. I'm not an unhappy person. I'm happy. I don't have feelings for him anymore. I'm not angry at him anymore, just glad it's over, and basically never hope to run into him again in my life.

Just when thinking ahead in the future about another serious relationship, it's like "ha.....yea right.....grumble grumble" type of thing.

Is that weird?

[eightball61]

As I sated Calist, you are not ready yet. I do understand that you are moved on but your mind just wants time away from that kind of thinking for a while and thats why you have those thoughts. Its like going out to eat something you love and then you have a bad experience with it. Well you don't end up eating that same food for a while until you have that craving for it again. This example is kinda the same thing because you had a bad experience and you don't want to go back to that for a while.

There is nothing wrong about it at all. I think its actually a good thing for you right now because this will give you time to clear your head and play the single market for fo a while......My advice is " Have Fun While It Last" ( I know I would ) :D

[Rich]

Calista-

Look at a relationship and all the good feelings that it gives to you. Don't look at them negatively.

There are no guarantees in life.

When close to 52% of marriages end in divorce and over half of the remaining marriages are unhappy, that's close to 80% of relationships that end or are unhappy.

So realistically, you only have a one in five chance of being happy or having your marriage last. Not great odds.

So you can either shy away knowing that you're probably going to get hurt again. Or you can practically go about working to make sure that you have a good chance of succeeding. On future relationships use your head more than lead with your heart and you'll increase your odds.

Don't take things for granted and leave it up to chance whether you'll have a great relationship. Constantly work to make it great. Have a destination vision of a great relationship and then drive your relationship towards it.

View your ex relationship as a learning experience and that it helped you. That it was a good thing. Then you'll be less negative towards a future relationship.

[Howard]

the bitterness takes as long is it takes.I was out of a relationship myself for 3 1/2 years till I found the right girl once again to make me feel so happy.feel good Calista. :)