Heartbroken.. Confused..

[Mnemic]

Hey guys.. just wanted to tell you about whats just recently happened in my life and hoping you can help me understand, give advice or support because i am at a loss right now.

I met a girl online randomly via web chat, i wasn't expecting anything, boredom had driven to the website and i was just there to chat..

The first girl i started speaking to would be the only one, spent around 5 hours that night speaking to each other about everything, she was just out a relationship and felt like every guy was bad news, but she seemed nice enough and said she was relieved to get some of it off her chest and thanked me for listening.. At the end when she left i thought that was it.. a passing convo but then i received an im with an email address and it was her asking me to add her as she would love to talk more. i did and we did..

The following two weeks we had been speaking EVERY night for hours, seemed we always had something to talk about, and it was eerie just how like we were, our love for all the same music and artists, food, hobbies and at some points we were talking via video chat, we would finish each others sentences and it didn't take long before i started to develop feelings for her.

By the end of the 2 weeks we had learned A LOT about each other, and she told me she was developing feelings for me and i said the same, we spoke about possibly meeting in the future. She was going to study at university in the UK before she met me. and we agreed we could meet up when she came over to see the schools in December. She had even written me a letter and i replied, even purchasing her a little gift, nothing expensive but something with meaning. and she loved it.

I was so excited, i never thought it was possible for me to develop feelings for someone i had never actually met, but she seemed special to me, like "my dream woman" and we spoke about things like fate, and other intersting stuff id never thought about.. it was going perfectly too and i was happy for the first time in years.

But then last night i received an IM from her via her phone saying she cant do it anymore, the distance is too much and she just couldn't do it. we haven't spoken since. and i recently found out she spent the entire night with her ex bf. and if im honest it really hurt me. i felt like i was being laughed at.. and i have started to blame myself for falling for her in the first place.

Im at a loss, not sure what to think, not sure if i should try make contact or just let it go and move on, all i know is, it hurts, more than i ever expected anything like this to. and i don't know what to think or do.

[smackie9]

Sadly these things end. I don't think distance had anything to do with it this time. You were the rebound guy. She just used you to buffer the pain of her break up with the BF. She may not had any intention of hurting you, but when hurt feelings from the break up are involved they get desperate to have those feelings dissolved. And what people do is find someone to be with to make it go away. Her ex came around because he wanted to work things out. This happens with extra marital affairs, etc....they seem to want to go back and try and fix things with the ex/ wife/ husband/GF/BF.

LDR's are intense but a lot of it is fantasy. Since you never met irl, you developed your own idea what she is like. It's gets out of control before reality sets in that there is too much distance. In order for a relationship sustain itself, you have to take it to the next level and that is being together physically. If there is no relocating, the relationship comes to an end. We always recommend to date locally, LDR's are not worth the hassle.

[quirkycolors]

LDRs are hard, and I would NEVER start one like that from the get-go. The one I'm in started in real-life when I was doing study abroad and I met someone and it just fell into my lap. Love at first sight, pretty much. The more we got to know e/o the more we fell for e/o.

I'd say steer away from people who just got out of a relationship- they're not ready to have another one yet, although they crave one.

[Pano]

LOL, You had a relationship over the internet! Smackie, your advice will not help this guy. Really? Are you the only girl who gives advice one here> (don't get me wrong, I think your wise) But this guy needs more than you telling him his fantasy won't work.)
This guy doesn't need intellect he needs a wake up call.

You're writing a post about a girl you're not getting with online??

Smackie I'm dissappointed.

[smackie9]

LOL, You had a relationship over the internet! Smackie, your advice will not help this guy. Really? Are you the only girl who gives advice one here> (don't get me wrong, I think your wise) But this guy needs more than you telling him his fantasy won't work.)
This guy doesn't need intellect he needs a wake up call.

You're writing a post about a girl you're not getting with online??

Smackie I'm dissappointed.

Sorry but when these people are hurting real bad a simple "You are an idiot for getting into this mess, get over it" is not what they are looking for. They are looking for some explaination so they can sort it out with a dose of reality, and hopefully learn something from it. The lonely and desparate get caught up in these situations, while us know it alls can drop a few reality bombs on them. KA-BOOM!

[blitze1471]

Hey guys.. just wanted to tell you about whats just recently happened in my life and hoping you can help me understand, give advice or support because i am at a loss right now.

I met a girl online randomly via web chat, i wasn't expecting anything, boredom had driven to the website and i was just there to chat..

The first girl i started speaking to would be the only one, spent around 5 hours that night speaking to each other about everything, she was just out a relationship and felt like every guy was bad news, but she seemed nice enough and said she was relieved to get some of it off her chest and thanked me for listening.. At the end when she left i thought that was it.. a passing convo but then i received an im with an email address and it was her asking me to add her as she would love to talk more. i did and we did..

The following two weeks we had been speaking EVERY night for hours, seemed we always had something to talk about, and it was eerie just how like we were, our love for all the same music and artists, food, hobbies and at some points we were talking via video chat, we would finish each others sentences and it didn't take long before i started to develop feelings for her.

By the end of the 2 weeks we had learned A LOT about each other, and she told me she was developing feelings for me and i said the same, we spoke about possibly meeting in the future. She was going to study at university in the UK before she met me. and we agreed we could meet up when she came over to see the schools in December. She had even written me a letter and i replied, even purchasing her a little gift, nothing expensive but something with meaning. and she loved it.

I was so excited, i never thought it was possible for me to develop feelings for someone i had never actually met, but she seemed special to me, like "my dream woman" and we spoke about things like fate, and other intersting stuff id never thought about.. it was going perfectly too and i was happy for the first time in years.

But then last night i received an IM from her via her phone saying she cant do it anymore, the distance is too much and she just couldn't do it. we haven't spoken since. and i recently found out she spent the entire night with her ex bf. and if im honest it really hurt me. i felt like i was being laughed at.. and i have started to blame myself for falling for her in the first place.

Im at a loss, not sure what to think, not sure if i should try make contact or just let it go and move on, all i know is, it hurts, more than i ever expected anything like this to. and i don't know what to think or do.

Look, we're not here to judge anybody. That being said, she probably really just isn't ready for something like that. It sounds like the LDR you're talking about is bi-coastal so that's a really huge ball game. I would take some time to yourself and regain your strength here. I'm sure what you felt for her was deep and it was really short lived (which is like tearing off a Band-Aid) but stay busy, hang with your friends, do you're own thing and everything will be fine. Maybe something will come of it one day but don't spend your life waiting...