WillowTree
08-25-2010, 12:45 AM
My boyfriend and I are going through a tough patch at the moment. I'll just get stuck into the all the details.
He's been lying to me about his ex. He was with her for 9 years, married, they've been seperated for 4 years and are getting divorced. They're still really close as friends. I've found out that he sees her a lot more than I knew about - going out for breakfast, dinner, going to the cinema, the pub, coffee and the like. Around 3-4 times a week. When he's with her he tells me he's doing something else.
I also found out he's going to give her around 1000 to help her with Uni because she gets no government funding. He wasn't going to tell me but do this behind my back.
And he's going to be giving her a lift to and from Uni 4 days a week.
He seems to think that all of the above is totally fine and I shouldn't have a problem with any of it because it's not like he's sleeping with her and at the end of the day he's in a relationship with me.
He says all this will stop and there will have to be some boundaries when we move in together - am I wrong in thinking that there should be some sort of boundaries now, seeing as we are in a relationship?
I'm just confused about what I should do about this situation. I want to turn around and tell him that it's me or her - he can't have both. If he wants a future with me then he can't keep the past hanging around and jumping through hoops for her. But I can't be giving ultimatums - that's just not me.
Should I just grit my teeth and let him get on with things with his ex?
Should I just walk away?
Someone else persepective on this would be great!
Thanks in advance x
He's been lying to me about his ex. He was with her for 9 years, married, they've been seperated for 4 years and are getting divorced. They're still really close as friends. I've found out that he sees her a lot more than I knew about - going out for breakfast, dinner, going to the cinema, the pub, coffee and the like. Around 3-4 times a week. When he's with her he tells me he's doing something else.
I also found out he's going to give her around 1000 to help her with Uni because she gets no government funding. He wasn't going to tell me but do this behind my back.
And he's going to be giving her a lift to and from Uni 4 days a week.
He seems to think that all of the above is totally fine and I shouldn't have a problem with any of it because it's not like he's sleeping with her and at the end of the day he's in a relationship with me.
He says all this will stop and there will have to be some boundaries when we move in together - am I wrong in thinking that there should be some sort of boundaries now, seeing as we are in a relationship?
I'm just confused about what I should do about this situation. I want to turn around and tell him that it's me or her - he can't have both. If he wants a future with me then he can't keep the past hanging around and jumping through hoops for her. But I can't be giving ultimatums - that's just not me.
Should I just grit my teeth and let him get on with things with his ex?
Should I just walk away?
Someone else persepective on this would be great!
Thanks in advance x